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[Rosepetal73]

Psychologically I don't feel ‘safe' 

[AgathaC]

I am definitely suffering with “my nerves” 

[Lanie66]

Hi Prestige sorry to hear you are struggling. 

I can empathise with a little of what you've said.  I have struggled emotionally for years due to a difficult childhood, this only exacerbated when I began perimenopause.......the negative and destructive thoughts, worry about everything and anxiety.  Due to my childhood difficulties I was accustomed to keeping everything inside and trying to deny the bad feelings.  It's not a good idea to quosh them.  It wastes valuable energy.  I have learned to acknowledge bad thoughts worries etc, I note that they are there when they happen.  I'd say to myself ok it's this again and try to let it pass.  A walk, an appreciation of a nice view, a chocolate biccie something to distract and become mindful helps in the aftermath.  I don't know if I'm explaining this very well sorry.  I use Headspace to help with the mindfulness, and yoga has had a calming effect and is obviously good for your body.  A bit of me time. The bad thoughts are not more likely to come true because you acknowledge them but you are more likely to be able to deal with them and have more energy to enjoy nicer things. 

Also the advice about delegating is so true.  I'm a bit of a control freak but in a nice helpful way.  I end up doing too much for the family that they should do themselves.   So I recently stopped doing so much and I find it quite liberating.  Allow more me time for yourself.

Hope this is helpful xx

[CLKD]

Rosepetal - is your GP aware?  I understand that, I would wander to our Surgery and sit for a while so that I didn't do anything to myself.  Sometimes they would give me a cup of tea ........

[Rosepetal73]

CLKD - thank you for your concern. This is a familiar (although uncomfortable) feeling very similar to PND.  It will pass, it always does 

[CLKD]

Do you have support at home Rosepetal?  Does knowing that it passes help how you feel?

So many questions 

[Rosepetal73]

I do have support at home    my husband and son are very understanding and when I'm having a particularly bad week I put a blue cat magnet on the fridge so I get extra offers of tea and they know not to ask too much of me 

It does help to know it passes but sometimes the change in mood can still take me by surprise and it takes me a little while to get my coping skills together 

[CLKD]

Phew!  Love the idea of the fridge magnet - I wonder if mine would even notice the warnings 

[jgr]

I must admit most what most of you ladies are going through i recognise. The anxiety is through the roof some days, worry about family like nobodies business, my mind is constantly on the go and some days i feel totally exhausted. Health anxieties go from one to the next.  I also feel i have some underlying condition that is simmering away. There is not a day goes past when i don't feel something and then the mind blows it all out of proportion. Like CKLD i don't put up with any crap now, i also don't care if anyone likes me, i am at that stage in life that i can't be bothered with their drama's, it's their loss 

[jaypo]

Brilliant jgr,you're so right,I've been there for everybody in my family for yeeears,yet nobody said,hey,how are you'so when I moved hundreds of miles from them to Wiltshire it's gradually stopped and it's great not listening to all their rubbish,don't get me wrong I'd always be there if someone needed me but I've enough of my own issues,the only difference is I keep them private and deal with them by myself,pity rest of my family wasn't like that 🤨

[racjen]

Psychologically I don't feel ‘safe' 

That is SO familiar - I've said it myself numerous times since this all started. I have well and truly fallen apart, anxiety and depression always lurking, and so far HRT isn't helping. I lost my job because I'd been off for so long, have had numerous visits from the Crisis Team, now under COmmunity Mental Health and waiting for an appointment with a clinical psychologist. It's no exaggeration to say that the menopause has destroyed my life, and I really sympathise with everyone else in this horrible situation...

[jillydoll]

Hi Countrygirl.
I know what you're going through, these thoughts go round n round, they drive me mad sometimes,
but when I get to that stage, I HAVE to put a stop to them, else I would go mad!
I have to do something, anything, to get my mind off them, ANYTHING, to shake em off.
This works for me, yeah, they come back, but that distraction helps to put me back on an even keel, if you see what I mean....don't let them take over, you've learnt from them, now take that knowledge and use it to handle things that happen now. That's what I do, there are some ‘ghosts' that I don't see anymore, even though they're still in my head, the people that caused them, so I'm happy about that, I was always there for them, them not for me, but there are some that I still do see, and now I handle them by keeping them at arms length, it's my coping mechanism, and I think, you know what, you've caused me so many issues, I don't care anymore, I am your loss, NOT the other way around, so stick that where the sun don't shine!  Lol.
I know some people are probably saying, I didn't think she was like that, well, no I wasn't like that, it's how you've made me, at the time I didn't realise, but now I do, I absolutely hate, people who jump onto someone's weak spot and trample all over it, I allowed that to happen to me, but now I've wised up, it's took a while, lol, and now I'm not there for them, I'm not there for them to jump on me anymore... it's hard, but this meno thing has wised me up, take what you've learnt, and use it positively.... jeeze, don't I go on........, I'm glad I've helped you, slow your thoughts, and pick at each one as they pop up....and take the knowledge from it.......xxxx😘

[suzysunday]

I recognise all these feelings and it's exhausting!  Hope I feel "normal" again one day!

[jaypo]

We all have ghosts of the past,I have too many to mention, I try to tell myself that there's nothing you can do about it,they're history but it's hard at times.

[racjen]

Countrygirl, I've seen a lot written about menopause being the time in your life when ghosts of the past come back to haunt you - it makes sense, as it's a natural point when you pause and take stock because everything is changing and you don't know what's coming next. If you have children they're probably leaving the nest, if you don't you may be dealing with regrets about that, and either way we're all dealing with grief about the loss of our youth and  the opportunities and idealism that went with it. Maybe a good time for some therapy/counselling if you can afford it?