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[racjen]

Those of you who've followed my long and miserable history since chemo-induced menopause will know that, after 3 months off utrogestan to see if that would alleviate the acute morning anxiety I've been suffering from for over a year, I'm now back on it. Today is Day 6 on 100mg vaginally, and to be honest I think if I carry on it could be the thing that pushes me over into a suicide attempt. I've spent today crying pretty constantly and feeling generally hopeless, like my life really is over. I'm supposed to be aiming for 10 days min, but I really think another day of this could have me reaching for the paracetemol. Trouble is, I feel like no-one takes it seriously - the consultant I saw last week seems to've decided that the break from Utrogestan was the only intervention I needed and has now signed me off, and my GP doesn't have the expertise to do more. Basically I've been labelled as mentally ill and referred to Community Mental Health Services, but in the meantime I don't know what to do - do I carry on taking UTrogestan and just accept that I'm bed-bound with all sharp blades locked away for the next 4 days at least? Please help me someone, I really can't take much more of this nightmare...

[Ellen May]

Poor you that sounds rough.

Is your mood lower than it was when you were off everything? Do you think it is worse since you started this regime a few days ago? If so I think you should go back to your gp tomorrow to review it. Perhaps take somebody with you and make sure they know exactly how you are feeling and d onto leave until you have a palm that you are happy with. Easier said than done I am sure but make a fuss, or get someone to make it for you.

The catholic will have a crisis team that can come and see you should you need it, or as others have said - the Samaritans are on the phone.

I don't know the history before now but have you seen a menopause consultant? You sound as though you need one who specialise in chemo induced. Perhaps look on British menopause society website to see if there is anyone in your area.

Sending love to you x

[LW44]

Oh rajcen i understand, im on day 7 of 14 at 200mg  and i feel awful.  Jittery physically  , anxious and downright bad.. rightly or wrongly ive decided to stop.. if i have to have a partial hysterectomy so i dont have to take progestrone so be it.. part of me wants to carry on with it to see it through  but i know if i get any worse i wont be able to work, sorry ive not been much help.. but i suggest you ring yr gp first thing and get in to see them xxx

[Roseneath]

racjen. I just wanted to reach out and give you a hug. I shed a tear when I read your post.  I agree with putting a call in to the GP and getting some advice on whether to stop.  Is there anything that may just put a tiny shift in your mood. Anything. Write a list. Any music you could blast out at high volume that you loved as a teenager?Walk round the block for 20 minutes and just listen to the sounds. Don' think, just listen.   Could you plug into a free Meditation App like Pacifica or Headspace. Sorry if these suggestions sound rubbish. It sounds like you need someone to guide you back step by step into the blue sky day by day.  We care about you. The ladies on this site are all with you; hundreds of us. We will be thinking about you today.  We will be sending you virtual hugs. You can get through this.

[AgathaC]

Hello Racjen,  i'm so sorry you're feeling this way again.  I haven't got much constructive to add that I haven't written already in other posts.  All I can do is second everything that the other ladies have said and send you my very best wishes.  The sun is shining here today and I woke up feeling totally shit. I've just sat outside in the cold for half an hour.  Not thinking, just looking.  Left me feeling well enough to look on here.  Let us know you are okay this morning please X

[Perinowpost]

Racjen

Stop taking it now. I only ever take 7 days anyway as it's all I can manage. As long as you let your doctor/consultant know what you've done and why you can be monitored. For what it's worth, I have regular scans and 7 days is working fine for me. I suspect the nhs give us all too much to be on the safe side. However, when it's causing such extreme problems/or for extreme sensitivity like yourself a balance has to be struck. Will message again later when I've got more time xx

[Tc]

Racjen. How are you today? Sending lovexxx

[racjen]

Thanks - I will stop taking it now, I really don't think I can cope with anymore.

Went to my yoga class this morning which always helps a bit, at least while I'm there, but now I'm back home just wondering where the hell my life has gone - all the things I used to enjoy have either started to cause me so much anxiety I can't do them anymore (like singing - went to my choir yesterday and had to leave halfway through because I just couldn't cope with being in a roomful of people). Or I just do't have the motivation to do them, even simple things like going out for a walk or doing a bit of artwork. It's like I've just given up and I'm dragging through each day just waiting for the evening so I can go to bed. I really don't want to live like this.

[Florence69]

Racjen I know how you feel
I've been living in my bedroom for months now. Had to give up work and become agoraphobic. I'm so sick and tired of it all. I've never woke up anxiety free coming up to 4 years !
I miss me, the me that used to live a full life and who's now to scared to even go to local shop. I'm constantly going round in circles and looking for answers, it's exhausting. Is it mental health or is it menopause? Or is it a combination of them both ... a double whammy
X

[CLKD]

What support have you had Florence69?

[racjen]

Thanks StellaJane, yes I did stop it after Day 7, which was Thurs eve - felt worse on Friday and this morning, but with me the withdrawal usually seems to be pretty quick (or maybe it's just that I've never made it past 8 days so there's not so much to get rid of). Mid-morning today I could feel the depression lifting and we were able to go out for lunch and a walk by the sea. Albeit with pretty intense anxiety still, but I'm used to functioning with that as long as I'm not depressed too. And lo and behold I started bleeding at lunchtime. That's it with Utrogestan for me, no way am I taking it again....but what next?

[Lanzalover]

Hi racjen

As far as I'm aware the only other separate progesterone is Provera have you tried it.

Lanzalover x

[racjen]

No I haven't, but my sister (who had an early menopause) has and gets on with it so I might ask to try it now - anything's worth a try. This is what really bloody annoys me - I went all the way to Poole to see a so-called expert, and he hasn't even suggested that I try a different progesterone, or any of the other numerous regimes on offer. As far as he's concerned he's proved utrogestan isn't maintaining my anxiety and that's it, job done, even though I'm left feeling just as bad as ever.And I end up with the label of an underlying anxiety disorder, which means that no other medic is prepared to take me seriously.

[Lanzalover]

Hi racjen

I personally couldn't get on with Utrogestan either orally or vaginally .
So I now use gel with Provera on a long cycle and for me personally it's the best of bad bunch.
If I was you I'd ask to try it .

Good luck
Lanzalover x

[NorthArm]

Oh Racjen, I'm in tears reading your post, as I'm feeling that way myself, 5 days in 🙁🙁

I've taken matters into my own hands, and only use it for seven days....it's horrible, isn't it?

Hope you're feeling a bit better today ❤️❤️