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[Focus]

Tbh, I don't really care about 'helping' anything.

If my body is out of control like this, and I have no end date, and it's starting to affect how I live my life (can't plan for work, can't go for a run, can't even leave the house sometimes), and therefore it's stopping me live my good life, my healthy life, and starting to affect my mental health so badly, I'm going to do anything to try and control it so that I can carry on with the life I want to live, with the life I have actively chosen for myself. Not the ones that's been foisted on me by what my body is doing.

To the people that say the hormones are somehow'stronger', well, plenty young girls stop their periods going through puberty/adolescence by restricting, and plenty young women don't get periods through restricting (I include myself in that, in my early 20s).

At least then I can get out the house and do things, and earn my living too. Otherwise I'm trapped in my body and trapped in my house and what sort of a life is that? Life is too short to be living in that sort of prison.

[NaturalMystic]

Thank you.

No insurance. I don't know any self employed person with insurance.

I know plenty, look into it x

I had my first panic attack age 39, I remember it clearly and it crippled me for the next 3 years, not to mention insomnia.  I thought I was losing my mind and whilst going through this had a 5 year old and a full time job in a very stressful managerial position.  I was/am a single mum. The toughest time of my life.

Although I didn't have period problem extreme panic, lack of sleep, a boy who was severely bullied and suicidal.  I had to keep it together.

I dud have some good months at a time of feeling 'normal' I have now suffered for 12 years.  I think I'm almost past meno.

There is no fix, just trial and error of things that can help somewhat.

This is no easy ride but what I have learned is to accept that and do the best I can for me, whatever that is.

The other horrendous thing I have is an irregular heart beat, leading to the panic.  Unless someone has experienced it there is no point trying to explain the sheer fear, and physical symptoms.

Be strong, you will get through it.

[Focus]

But it's not an 'illness' I have.

[NaturalMystic]

It is an illness

[Focus]

Menopause is an illness? Lol...I'd like to see me trying to convince and insurance company.

Theoretically every woman they insure could be claiming on it for menopause at some point or other.

[Focus]

49 kilos for me to have a BMI that's too low for my height.

That's only a stone less than I am now.

[NaturalMystic]

Menopause itself isn't classed as an illness but we can have illnesses resulting from menopause.  MH being just one

[Focus]

I have the feeing it would be another fight I would have to get into: getting the paperwork from my doctor, getting insurance, trying to prove it all to them...

How much time and energy would that all take? And how stressful would it be? I've never really gotten on well with the medical profession as a whole. There have been exceptions pf course, maybe a handful of really good practitioners in  different fields over the course of my life. But they're the exceptions. And actually finding them, the going through the others is horrendously stressful. Some of what they have said and done has been very, very damaging. I'm tired of that sort of thing and don't really want to run the risk of exposing myself to all of that, once again.

I would honestly just find it much less stressful and exhausting going down the restricting route.

Asking for something from someone in a position of control or power, then not being heard and maybe denied as well...that's incredibly triggering to me.

[dangermouse]

I would go through an online pharmacy and get the combined contraceptive pill again, you can get Loestrin or Microgynon. Many GPs prefer to prescribe this for perimenopause and may let you have post 50 to get you through this extreme bleeding phase. For the online ones you just explain by chat or phone why you need it at your age and they should approve it.

You do sound as if things are coming to a head (I'm in similar position now but more anxiety, migraine and severe nausea) and being so rough over last 4 months I feel like it's starting to calm down.

I looked into self employment sickness benefit insurance a few years ago and you could only get it if you did regular hours and could prove it (so that they know what your daily salary is that you're losing when you claim). Also, like with private medical insurance they only cover new conditions so anything you've seen a GP for in the past wouldn't be covered. They did also have one for colds etc but it was incredibly expensive and made more sense to save the premiums and take a couple of days off a month!

I had to get a part-time job in the end as I used up my savings being too sick to work for 6 months of me just getting redundancy and starting my new self employment! Life can be cruel, timing wise.

[dangermouse]

Oh and make sure you take the combined pill (if you do switch) back to back so no more bleeds.

[Focus]

Thank you.

I had a really great appointment at the Boots Contraceptive Clinic a couple of days ago. I didn't even know they offered this service (it's not in all Boots, just selected ones).

The doctor I saw chatted for an hour and told me loads and loads of stuff, explained stuff, gave me choices. She explained (if I remember rightly) that they would only prescribe the Loestrin 20 until I was 50 (I think), but a POP I could take until 55.

There were three different POPs I could try, but that I would need to give the 4 odd months each to see how they worked for me.

I came away feeling quite positive, and her manner was absolutely brilliant. She said that a big indicator for me, if they were working for me or not, would be my state of mind, as well as what my periods/withdrawal bleeds were like.

I really liked how holistic she was about the whole thing. And she was *totally* empathetic. Because of the type of person I am, and because of my PTSD, I am super super sensitive to where people are at with me. From the minute I met her I felt in the pit of my stomach she got me.

Yeah, the irregular hours are where it's at for me. I might be doing 48 hours a week in a contract in December, and then nothing in January, or maybe 10 hours in one of my zero hours jobs. Then I'm running my own business as well, where I'm pretty much mostly working on my own. I maybe see a client for an hours, and then end up working for them for 10 hours. But I don't charge an hourly rate, it's measured by what I make and every client is different. So none of it is really measurable in a form filling kind of way.

[Conolly]

Hello Focus,

Great advice from Dangermouse! I'm so glad you had a good appointment, that's a start. I'm sure you won't need to take the POP until 55. You are inside the perimenopause hurricane but heading towards the eye, where things will come down. Then you will face menopause which is not easy, but it's more like a chronic condition instead of the acute one of perimenopause.

Big hug, night, night.

Conolly X

[Focus]

Thank you.

You mean this is the worst bit? The last bit just before it starts calming down a bit?

I've honestly never felt so confused. Dealing with PTSD was easier than any of this stuff...I'm not joking.

[Conolly]

As I told you before, if you don't have any other issues (blood clotting or womb pathologies), yes, this is the worst bit and things will calm down very quickly as soon as your oestrogen levels get flat.

Right now the oestrogen fluctuations are affecting not only your body but also your mind, so trust me, I've been there, I thought that was it, I can't take this anymore, I don't see a way out of this. It's the hormones talking. They will go away and you will be able to think clearly again.

Conolly X

[Focus]

Thank you.

Feeling normal again as I'm on the norethistone for my event.

I'm just so confused, my GP said in October that I was 'too young for the menopause', the doctor at the hospital at the start of November told me I was 'about the right age'. I started looking into it, and couldn't work out where I was in the whole process. I thought I might be just at the very beginning and had would another say, 5 years of these crazy flooding, clotty periods and these extreme mood swings to cope with, and that things would be getting even worse during those maybe 5 years. But now it seems that I might have been going through this for a few years already, with seemingly random symptoms a part of it all, and that I'm quite far into it?