Do you think it is to do with the time of year ladies/lack of sunlight etc. I am so up and down. Example: Following trip to GPs in tears last week and being reassured I did not have MS/Parkinsons/compulsive swallowing disorder I simply have anxiety! I had a good day (well a good job for nut job menopausal me). I went for a jog, cooked a nice dinner, faked it with family well and then slept for 8 hours with only one toilet/clock check trip. Thought about swallowing maybe twice but managed to unthink it. Great, maybe the old me (i.e the me I knew from 6 years ago. How I LOVED that old, carefree me).Things will get better. Life is.....if not good maybe OK.
Then TODAY ladies. Woke up and for maybe 5 seconds feel peaceful. Then BAM in the anxiety creeps. My left leg feels a bit stiff...worry...so I try and clean my teeth with my left hand (???nut job) just to see if it shakes....it does a little...worry...so I pretend I need something from the dining room and go in there and so some sit ups/stretches to see if my muscles are shaking badly....(they are) because now I am back to square one. I have some terrible neurological illness, the GP was wrong, I 'll maybe have a year left with the kids and will have to tell them., Queue morning spent in an internal blur of anxiety no matter how many CBT breathing exercises I (rather obsessively ) do when the family aren't around. Welcome to my start to 2019! The GP did say something that I do believe may be true. He said ' you are not young anymore. I am not saying you are old. But you cannot expect your body to function in the same way it did 20 years ago. ' Hmmmm. I'm 48. We are fed so many (phoney) images of celebs and stars with the bodies/flexibility of 20 years olds. Maybe that is the problem. The new me will not have the internal workings of the 30 something me. I just don't know (or won't embrace) the ' new wonky me' .