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[EleanorB]

Hi,

I use vagifem pessaries 3 times a week - although admittedly I need to keep a diary as I don't know how consistent I'm being. I am not currently sexually active and am a bit devastated right now at the thought I may never have a normal sex life again.

I suspected that penetration may cause bladder problems so attempted this solo (sorry for TMI but with something designed for that purpose) since using the vaginal oestrogen, to see if things might have improved. I almost immediately afterwards experienced a constant need to urinate and pressure in my abdomen which is still going on 24 hours later. Also the entrance to my vagina felt painful during, despite using lubricant.  Prior to the vagifem the bladder issues were happening without sexual activity but that has got better with the vagifem.  One urine test previously showed a UTI, the second didn't. I had a temperamental and irritable bladder prior to menopause but this has clearly upped the anti.

Has anyone experience these kind of bladder issues post penetration during menopause ( I am four months in to meno) and managed to get it under control? Will I ever again be able to have penetrative sex without feeling like I need to urinate 24/7? The biggest irony for me is that my libido has increased with meno and I am keen to date, but this is making me never want to meet someone or have sex again.

I wonder if my only route to getting this under control might be systemic hrt as well as vaginal? I was examined by my gynaecologist and have no noticeable prolapse, she said this was unlikely as I didn't have children. 

Any encouragement would be welcome, I'm fairly inconsolable right now. I feel like I've been robbed of something I really, really enjoy as a part of intimacy.   

[CLKD]

Who ever designed women needs a  because the whole system is far too close!

So using  can aggravate the bladder area.  Maybe use the pessaries for 3 nights to ease symptoms.  Then back to 3 times a week. 

It's easy to upset the urinary tract when it's already sensitive.  Also, sex with someone will give different responses so don't despair!

[Dancinggirl]

EleanorB - if you have only been using Vagifem for a few months then it is going to take time for the bladder to respond.

Your symptoms are very common for peri and post menopause. Vaginal moisturisers used daily are also important and lubrication is often necessary for intercourse. There are vaginal dilators that help to strengthen the pelvic floor so it might be worth trying one of these, although you could get advice about exercises that may help.  UTI type symptoms are classic for urogenital atrophy and it may take some time before you feel like you want to attempt full intercourse again.  I suspect your bladder has contracted following the infection and you need to strengthen things but also learn to relax that area as well! Avoid caffeine, fruit juices and alcohol but drink enough water each day and perhaps see if you can train your bladder to only empty every 3 hours?

There are clinics for ladies who have trouble with their bladder but it tends to be about improving the pelvic floor so you don't leak urine, however they may be able to offer advice. DG x

[EleanorB]

Hi,

Thanks so much both of you for your responses. CKLD I didn't realise there was a gif/cartoon for what I've been up to which put a small smile back on my face. I did wonder whether using something silicone would have a harsher impact than actual sex.

I will try pelvic floor exercises, although it's odd as when I have the urge to go all the time, it feels so unrelaxed in the area, so the idea of doing something to tighten things up feels strange.



 

[CLKD]

It's a bit trial and error which is why it can be tiring.  The idea is to read what is suggested here and C if it's appropriate at the time. 

Some ladies find that they need more Vagifem anyway, as well as other moisturises, i.e. sylk - search box should show you any threads about extras.

   how about this one  ........

We have a funny room too.  Watch out for the 'strange woman' 

[suzysunday]

Your experience is identical to mine.  I have the same problem after coming off hrt after post menopause bleeding.   I am just using ovestin and taking ages for things to settle.   I used a dilator over 2 months ago as I thought it would help things stay good down there, but it just triggered cystisis.   The worst cleared but my bladder won't settle.  I tried the dilator again for first time in 2 months, like you said, to see if things have improved,  and a few hours later that horrible feeling to peer all the time came for 48 hours on and off.  It is so depressing.  You get scared of doing anything  that might trigger it.  I haven't had a hot bath, alcohol,  or sex for all this time just waiting for it to settle.  I dearly want to resume having sex with my lovely partner, but i'm terrified.  I know what you mean about feeling robbed of something important.   Life really stinks sometimes.   

[CLKD]

Over the counter pain relief can also help 

[EleanorB]

Hi

CKLD - I read a thread a while back about doing strange things. I'm still laughing (in recognition) at whoever said they were trying to open their front door by pointing the device to open their car doors at it.

Suzy - it makes me feel better to know others understand. I didn't even think/know about the dilator option or that it might help. Now I do I'm going to try something smaller when I have the courage to try again. For what it's worth I have had no problems with stimulation without penetration.  Not sure if you have been too terrified to try any kind of sexual activity since the bladder issues hit. If that's the case  Rather than your having to forgo sex altogether, maybe just some other activities without penetration might not trigger things until you're feeling ready to try again. I can imagine how miserable it is to want to be sexually intimate with someone and to not feel able to be.

[suzysunday]

Yes its important to maintain some intimacy. Although I've had cystitis many times over the years, I've never had this lingering trouble. I knew atrophy could mimic uti symptoms. I was given the dilators at the hospital a couple of years ago when first diagnosed and I didn't know they could aggravate the condition. I never knew all this stuff could happen to you and was horrified when I read about va when told I had it over 2 years ago.  I was only 58 then and really want and still want to maintain a good sex life, but lately all this has really knocked my confidence.

[CLKD]

Use it or lose it 

So gentle fondling of the outer labia whilst in the bath.  Keep the whole area well lubricated, day and night.  Cotton knickers.  Let the air get to it when possible ......... tap dry, don't rub.

[Taz2]

Eleanor I understand completely. The important thing is to find out exactly what's causing your bladder problems and for this you need a referral to a pelvic floor/continence advisory clinic where specialists will carry out various tests to see what can be done. You will be given a tailored pelvic floor exercise programme if it is found that a weak pelvic floor is causing your problems. It's brilliant news that you haven't got a prolapse!

Taz x

[suzysunday]

Just a quick question, is it ok to use non hormonal moisturisers on the days not using vagifem/ovestin. Will it affect absorption of the hrt stuff.

[CLKD]

Use what ever it takes to keep the area supple.  Have a look-see that the threads 'sylc' and 'yes' products to get an idea as what others find helpful. 

I don't think it will make any difference.

[EleanorB]

Thanks taz, I looked up what u mentioned. The emphasis seems to be on incontinence, wonder if they can help when i'm Pretty sure mine oscillates between either an actual uti or just irritation of the bladder which mimics a uti but doesn't cause incontinence (yet!)

Suzy,

I so empathise. I can't believe this - along with a load of other meno horror - is happening. I had NO idea. I also find myself wildly jealous of female friends who are sailing through with no meno symptoms. Did you find hrt as opposed to vaginal oestrogen kept your bladder issues under control? I am still suffering, clutching a hot water bottle to my abdomen and weary of needing the loo. I am also cursing myself for ‘trying things out' and now feel like I created this mess. I was so hopeful the outcome might be ok, but now I know it isn't I've ended up wishing i'd Left myself alone! Looking forward (not) to the call to the docs tomorrow to ask to get a test done for a uti. There's the frustration of not even knowing if it's a uti or just my bladder acting up.

[suzysunday]

No the hrt really helped,I was on tibolone but it caused lining thickening and I had to have a biopsy. It was so stressful I can't face taking anything again.  Apart from the initial cystitis I had over 2 months ago, I've had about 4 urine tests, all negative, so it is the atrophy. I've stopped baths etc as I said and you get worried about trying things out again like you say.  I do want to eventually have a bath, red wine and sex again! But you just get scared of everything.