I can totally relate to this - vent away.
One of my main reasons for staying with HRT was to enable me to get some better sleep, however in reality I wasn't finding HRT made that much difference. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture with good reason and I think for many of us it is the toughest thing to cope with. Trouble with sleeping is a sign of stress - maybe it's the stress you need to tackle? However this is very difficult to reduce when life is so busy.
I wish I could offer some help or good advice - you are clearly trying everything. I do think the anxiety of feeling sleep deprived makes things worse and getting over this is really difficult, especially if you have kids to sort and you have to work.
I stopped HRT over two years ago (I'm 62 now) because the tummy cramps and erratic bleeding were getting worse and this kept me awake - also Utrogestan made me feel spaced out and detached from life. I still get flushes and overheat at night and I don't expect this to subside any time soon. My husband is also having difficultly with sleep - waking in the early hours and fidgeting but I think this is because he falls asleep in front of the TV during the evening.
SO, I took the drastic step of moving into the spare bedroom so I could control my sleeping environment and this has made a big difference. My husband isn't keeping me awake and I'm not disturbing him with my trips to the bathroom several times at night.
I do think it is about a different mindset - accepting that sleep won't always come easily and I actually feel reasonably good on 6-7 hours of sleep which includes at least 2 trips to the bathroom through this time. If you sleep from 10pm to 4am you are actually getting 6 hours sleep and this isn't that bad!!! SO try telling yourself that. Before I moved into the spare room I felt lucky to get even 3-4 hours sleep!
Try going to bed a bit later - maybe 10.30 or 11pm. Have you tried the 'THIS WORKS' pillow spray - I have found this works a bit for me because I often can't fall to sleep!!! If I can't sleep in the middle of the night I just concentrate on Mindfulness and totally relaxing.
My thoughts may not be of any help at all but sometimes just sharing our experiences and getting some empathy can help.
I take the antihistamine version of NYTOL or Sleepeeze sometimes and this will give me a good night without feeling too awful the next day.
You poor thing. DG x