I need to rant.
I'm tired, not fatigued but mentally and emotionally drained!
It's one thing after another. I feel like I get control or at least get over the health anxiety of one problem only to have others creep up.
This past week included a severe muscle spasm/pinched nerve in my back between my shoulder blades that lasted for hours and was seriously some of the worst pain I've felt! The hot shower did very little, the soak in the bath...a little bit more but still just hurt and then I found the knots in the muscle just off to the right of the spine...so tried massaging those. Big mistake! Pain shot around my side and to the front! Just touching those knots repeated the pain for awhile. Sore muscles for days after that. Caused me some crazy anxiety that maybe I had a heart attack and should have gone to emergency but didn't want to do that again. Went to the doctor the next day though and he strongly believes it wasn't a heart attack (I've had so many heart tests and it's very healthy and I really had no symptoms to indicate heart but you know ... anxiety). Still couldn't let go of the idea for a few days but feel okay now.
Still have muscle knots in both shoulders, right more than left, whole back in a weak knot and muscle spasms (not bad, just noticable) in my lower legs. A soak in an Epsom bath helps. I've started taking magnesium again and probably need to increase the dose. Thinking of going to a chiropractor.
I also had pain down there for a week! Just sharp stabs sometimes, mostly just enough to feel it, a few painful ones. That has now passed, of course!!
I can't seem to stop losing weight! I should be okay with this as I'm still not down to the weight I was AFTER I had my youngest (11 years ago!) but I'm getting close. I spent so much time at the higher weight guess I just got used to it. I was always very slender so I WAS the heaviest I'd ever been before all this started. I guess I'm most bothered because I am not in control of the weight loss! (Been told thyroid is fine! Really want to have it checked again. Not sure what it would be though as I have symptoms of both hyper and hypo
) I shouldn't be but I'm annoyed with none of my clothes fitting anymore. And can't buy new at the time because of costs of all these tests and doctor visits and hubby's new job that pays less.
It's more "stable" so I should be happy.
My blood sugar seems to be low these days now. I felt like my insides we're shaking this morning and just not great overall. It improved after eating and has gotten better as I've forced myself to almost continually eat all day. Makes my heart feel like it's beating out of my chest....not fast, just hard. I guess faster but in the 60s beats per minute. My heart rate is regularly in the 50s now when relaxing. Blood pressure okay. I think it's low sometimes. I get dizzy when I stand up but not always. It was 105/68 the other night and stood up quickly without any problems. Gosh, if things were only consistent so I could manage it, I think.
I'm sick of anxiety. I'm just so fed up all this even started happening!
I'm cold and hot all day, freezing or red faced and hot.
My nerves feel "over active" right now. I think I'm feeling things stronger than they really are??
I think my body is very sensitive to small change! I can't think of why else every blood test puts me in normal range... not even in the low or high end of normal....but I still have things happening. They are right in the middle!
I feel like whatever is going on, I'm being shot into it from a cannon! I thought it would be a slower transition!
And why can't I eat gluten anymore?!?!
I want a pizza for comfort! Or bread! I went a month without it, couldn't stand it anymore and ate it for the last week....and I really don't think my body liked that. Digestion issues came back but not as bad as before but there.
And muscles....are they gone? Seems like they get weak and just feel burning so quickly doing every day tasks. And dealing with this hair? Forget braiding it or doing much of anything anymore. My shoulders get tired half way through ..so glad it'll be gone soon! Getting it all cut Tuesday...bye bye waist length hair! At least when it falls out now I won't have 2+ foot length (over half a meter) strands of hair everywhere!
I'm so tired of feeling like I'm falling apart!
I cry at things I didn't used to. I laughed to tears at my teenage son today. Honestly I enjoyed that but it was so foreign to me. I honestly could deal with the emotions I'm having now as at least rage seems to have passed. I just want to feel like my body is working!
Sorry for the long rant. I'm just feeling so done right now. I hate having no control over this!
GYN on Wednesday! Fingers crossed it goes well. He was my angel 7 years ago! I hope so again!