Hello Woodlands,
I've only just joined, so didnt know your very sad story.
There are no words I can say to help you. And I cant even begin to imagine the pain you must go through, which will be even worse on the anniversary.
Through my own losses, I have learnt that it helps, just a little, to talk about it and mark the special days.
I wish you peace and strength, and I send you much love. xx