I'm with you Kathleen, we all are.
This week I had two graduation ceremonies in London, my wonderful amazing daughter's and mine. After not sleeping and struggling to speak or move initially, I ended up having the most magical afternoon and evening at my daughter's and met a lovely lady (nan of one of her friends) and we have a date in the diary to visit Kew gardens as she lives close by and has season ticket. So a day I was dreading turned out to be very special and I made a new 82 year old friend
However, my graduation was two days later and I made the decision that I would have an alternate graduation day after checking my children and husband were happy not to go (they were relieved as it was at the same uni and the ceremony was looong, and mine started at 10am and we had to get there for 8am). My alternate celebration involved a 6 mile walk with dog, husband and daughter with a pub lunch and pint halfway round, and then a lovely evening at home where daughter cooked.
The only thing I am sad about is I didn't get to meet up with all my course friends. I messaged them on our private FB page and told them the truth as to why I couldn't attend and they have all been so amazing and a couple of them admitted they had been struggling too and I had helped them to be able to admit it. Having said that we are a bunch of newly qualified psychologists, so they should be understanding - ha ha.
Anyway I guess the point of this post is to say, the week I was dreading turned out to be very special and insightful in many ways and Kathleen you are doing all the right things but acknowledging your fear, seeking help and support and facing it anyway. Oh and I do find being photographer helps me be there, but not feel so scared