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[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

Just wanted to put this out there and tell people who I know will understand.

I have a big event to go to tomorrow and I'm very anxious about it. As some of you may have noticed anxiety has been a constant companion on this blooming journey and although I've had the usual ups and downs in life that everyone has, this type of anxiety feels different so I still think it is hormonally driven. I feel as if I have a tense, nervous headache but in my body!  My trusty meno book talks about feelings of unease and I seem to be afraid of everything! I think a few stiff drinks will be required to get me through an occasion that is supposed to be a celebration and something that pre meno I wouldn't have worried about.

Sorry to be a party pooper but I know you lovely ladies will understand and I needed to get that off my chest.

Wishing everyone well but especially my fellow anxiety sufferers, it really is the pits.

K.

[Annie0710]

I've been there Kathleen, so many times I can't count, where I've either cancelled or endured it feeling awful.  Can you plan an escape route for when  it's all too much ? Hopefully as you're feeling better you can reappear

My heart goes out to you :-( xx

[Kathleen]

Hello Annie0710.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have planned to leave early if need be but I do so wish these horrible feelings would go away! Several people have gone out tonight but I've stayed home because of the anxiety and I hate being the only one that can't join in. My husband says it's okay and nobody minds if I miss out on things but I mind, I mind a lot infact.

Thanks again for your comforting words, it means so much to know that others have been where I am and they are now doing well.

Take care.

K.

[AgathaC]

Kathleen - the first thing is that you have been invited to a celebration event - that means you must have friends or family or colleagues or someone who loves you and likes you and who has requested the pleasure of your lovely company! So you can rest assured that they want you to go and will be looking forward to seeing you. I expect your husband is also looking forward to taking you and being with you. Having said all of that, anxiety is completely awful and irrational and it means you don't want to go! You poor thing. I can empathise, although my anxiety centres around health and disasters rather than things like going out and social events. Maybe set yourself a very short time limit - say an hour - and you review at that point whether you can/want to stay more. If yes, review again in half an hour, etc. Etc. It might make the event seem less overwhelming and frightening - just an hour out which you can extend if you choose. Staying in control is very helpful in anxious situations. I do hope that you go and that you can try and have a nice time. Lots of love from a fellow anxious person xxxx

[CLKD]

Hopefully you will get through!  I am always worse when it's an event that I really want to do.  The last 3 weeks have been  similar.  We went to a town 3 weeks ago and I never thought twice about going.  We had a lovely day.

This week we had an event to go to [Mens' Pro Cycling Tour of Britain] with the end stage in that same town.  Of course, had we been at the roll out the day would have been over ........... but that was too far to travel.  So I endured.  The previous day I felt the anxiety rising ........ twice during the day my bowel started to roll but the loos were close by and very clean.  When on the loo, bowel settled .........

It wasn't even the crowds which years ago would have freaked me.  Bugga ......... I was so tired the next day.  But I stuck it out.  But is it worth the lead up 

[Annie0710]

When at my worst, and I couldn't not go to an event, I'd break the event into phases....ie meet n greet, bar, meal (the worst bit for me with eating/palps) socialising then the fav bit , HOME!! I'd praise myself each step of the way if I was doing well and call the bad bits a blip

My social anxiety even centred around my own kids ! I mean, ridiculous or what ? But in the midst of anxiety there's no reasoning to why

I really hope things improve for you Kathleen, you're such a sweetheart, you don't deserve this xxx

[Lanzalover]

Good morning Kathleen

It's just awful isn't it.
At my worst I would tell myself I was with friends/family etc and no one was going to do anything to upset or hurt but to be honest I could never actually work out what it was that caused these feelings of absolute dread and panic except hormones of course but at the time I didn't realise this and just thought I was going mad.

Like Annie I would try and break the event into phases and DH and I had an agreement we could leave at any time if I wanted too but generally everything was ok  I never had any great nights and I was always glad to get home but at least I managed to get  peoples special events birthdays, wedding anniversaries etc .

Do hope you things improve for you soon it's just such a horrible place to be.

Take care
Lanzalover x

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

My goodness thank you to you all, your kind words have made me cry!

We have a house full of people and we plan to leave at noon for the event ( it's a wedding ).  I've explained to everyone that I may leave early and no one objected. I barely slept last night worrying about today so I'll be super tired which sometimes is a good thing because it forces me to relax.

It's so comforting to talk to people who have experienced the same thing and genuinely understand. From reading your other posts you all seem to be doing so well so you are my inspiration!

If you don't mind I may even post from  the venue, possibly when I'm checking the time on my phone. If I message to say I'm having a wonderful time and don't want to leave,  either a miracle has occurred or someone has spiked my drink and I'm very drunk! Watch this space...

Wishing you all well and thanks again lovely ladies,  you are stars,

K.

[littleminnie]

Hi Kathleen, I find the lead up to the event is always worse than the event itself.  Do you have anything you can take in your bag (rescue spray, lavender oil etc), you can pop into the toilets and apply them.
Have a gin & tonic, it will calm you down and give you an appetite, when you eat something you will feel better. You can keep popping out to get some fresh air and have a few moments to yourself.  Take lots of photos (to keep busy). All these distraction techniques will help you get through. X

[Annie0710]

Hello ladies.

My goodness thank you to you all, your kind words have made me cry!

We have a house full of people and we plan to leave at noon for the event ( it's a wedding ).  I've explained to everyone that I may leave early and no one objected. I barely slept last night worrying about today so I'll be super tired which sometimes is a good thing because it forces me to relax.

It's so comforting to talk to people who have experienced the same thing and genuinely understand. From reading your other posts you all seem to be doing so well so you are my inspiration!

If you don't mind I may even post from  the venue, possibly when I'm checking the time on my phone. If I message to say I'm having a wonderful time and don't want to leave,  either a miracle has occurred or someone has spiked my drink and I'm very drunk! Watch this space...

Wishing you all well and thanks again lovely ladies,  you are stars,

K.

Kathleen alcohol has got me through many an event that I was dreading. Hubby knew never to designate me as the driver as I'd need a few glasses to steady my nerves x

[Annie0710]

Yes Annie same here I can't even interact with my own grandchildren and I miss out on so much because I love and miss them all.the more I give in to this the harder it's getting so I need to take back control now I'm going to go visit this weekend,just a pop in nothing formal no arrangements being made I'll just go.then I'll clock watch and see how it goes.good luck today Kathleen 😘Jeanie

It's so sad DD, I hope you have a lovely visit and get to enjoy the grandchildren xx

[Juliet]

I'm with you Kathleen, we all are.

This week I had two graduation ceremonies in London, my wonderful amazing daughter's and mine. After not sleeping and struggling to speak or move initially, I ended up having the most magical afternoon and evening at my daughter's and met a lovely lady (nan of one of her friends) and we have a date in the diary to visit Kew gardens as she lives close by and has season ticket. So a day I was dreading turned out to be very special and I made a new 82 year old friend

However, my graduation was two days later and I made the decision that I would have an alternate graduation day after checking my children and husband were happy not to go (they were relieved as it was at the same uni and the ceremony was looong, and mine started at 10am and we had to get there for 8am). My alternate celebration involved a 6 mile walk with dog, husband and daughter with a pub lunch and pint halfway round, and then a lovely evening at home where daughter cooked.


The only thing I am sad about is I didn't get to meet up with all my course friends. I messaged them on our private FB page and told them the truth as to why I couldn't attend and they have all been so amazing and a couple of them admitted they had been struggling too and I had helped them to be able to admit it. Having said that we are a bunch of newly qualified psychologists, so they should be understanding - ha ha.


Anyway I guess the point of this post is to say, the week I was dreading turned out to be very special and insightful in many ways and Kathleen you are doing all the right things but acknowledging your fear, seeking help and support and facing it anyway. Oh and I do find being photographer  helps me be there, but not feel so scared   

[CLKD]

In absentia? 

I would never tell family because then the comments would arrive: "You don't have anything to be depressed or anxious about". "You'll be OK".   No and why would I be OK?  Then they would watch me .......... a few years ago his mother told me as we were leaving an event "I see that you ate all your meal ....... " and she was sitting two tables away across a room  .  HOW DARE SHE! a) watch and b) tell everyone within an ear's distance: it was her way of saying "I know more about her than you all do".  I will never forgive her.

A quiet word would have about been acceptable as long as she hadn't said it to me  .  How is it going? 

Usually I am better if I can act spontaneously ;-). 

Juliet - how will you cope?  You will have to book clients in at specific times  .  Did nothing you were taught help you over your own difficulties?

[Juliet]

Thanks Sparkle 

and yes work can be challenging at times when I am delivering training to lots of people, but 1:1 work with families is not a problem and if anything having to deal with anxiety and low mood has given much more insight and improved how I support others. Lots of my training is helping me such as applying compassioned based cognitive behavioural strategies.

Kathleen, I hope the day was good and you are feeling happy and a little tipsy 

[Hurdity]

Hi Kathleen

Have been away with relatives so just seen your post so just to say hope you had a great day at the family wedding and good to live each day as fully as you can - try not to worry about stuff and hope all goes well

Yes to the tipsy - nothing like a bit of a nice drink to calm things over when you need to! I'm glad you didn't post while out - now that would have been worrying! The best thing is when we don't hear from members when away and out - too busy enjoying yourselves and getting on with life than thinking about silly old forums - however helpful they are!!! 

Hurdity xx