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[jillydoll]

Hi everyone.

Just wondering if anyone feels the same as me on things that have happened
to them years gone past, now find they come back to haunt them,
ie,. events that have happened, or things that someone has said to you, etc.

I find I'm remembering things from years ago , that back then I just shrugged off,
Or laughed at, but now I'm saying to myself “ why didn't I say that, or why didn't I do that”
I've always been a passive person, never liked confrontation, and have always gone with
the flow, but now I hate myself for being different.

Is it all to do with menopause, or just ageing that you see things different?
I find myself analysing an awful lot of stuff and think, ‘why wasn't I different back then.”

Is anyone the same or am I losing the plot.?

Jd x. 

[littleminnie]

Me too.  I will argue my point and stand my ground now whereas years ago I wasn't keen on confrontation.  I think it's age and life experience that changes you.

[CLKD]

Yep.  I have dreadful flashbacks about things I thought were dealt with.   . About things that I have no opportunity of altering to 'make it right'. 

I am less of a doormat though and speak my mind. 

[MIS71MUM]

A definite yes!

I remember things that I have never thought about till now! It's awful, I have no idea what the trigger is but I think it's a symptom of anxiety.

Like the primeval brain is anxious and it's waiting to offer up something to you to help you. Then the analysis starts!

For me, the trick is not to go with the thought/memory as it's in the past and there's nothing more that can be done about it. It's easier said than done but Mindfulness helps.

I think it's called rumination.

[Snoooze]

Yes and it's awful. Things that I long ago pushed to the back of my mind are now coming back. 

[jillydoll]

Hi everyone

Thanx for the replies,

Yep, all those horrible memories that keep reappearing in my thoughts,
which come out of nowhere , drive me mad.
And yes I think you're right mis71mum, anxiety has a lot to do it,
like today I'm really fed up because I've got a bad back and can't move or breathe properly,
and my anxiety is starting to rear it's ugly head, and I have all these thoughts in there
Of things of the past. As you say there's nothing that can be done now, they're in the past,
What's done is done, but they absolutely drive me bonkers.
When my anxiety is not there I couldn't give a damn about it all, even when I think about things
It just doesn't bother me.

I think I have changed as I've gone through this bloody menopause, the trick is for it
Not to make me a bitter woman, as I've seen happen to some woman, and to be honest
I don't want to change the person I am, because I like who I am, I've never been bitchy, never
said anything wrong or bad to anyone never had to reapproach myself on anything, but now I
Think back to how people have treated me over the years including family members, and beat
Myself up all the time about why I couldn't grow some balls!!

I suppose it's something I have to let go of.

How to do that is another story..


Jd x

[Snoooze]

I do think some women change during/after menopause. My Mum was a very strong person but she became quite a weak person after meno.
I know some women who have fallen out with one another during meno. Some wives who have left their husbands during meno.
It's a horrible time and of course some are affected more than others.
I don't feel I'm the same person anymore. I feel I've lost myself somewhere along this journey.
Hopefully there is light at the end of  the tunnel and things do improve.

[jillydoll]

Totally agree with you Snooze.
I think I've lost myself to some degree along this route,
Sometimes, when I've no anxiety at all, I see the real me again,
no thoughts of things gone on in the past, no beating myself up,
Unfortunately, everyday is different and I just don't know what I'm going to get
when I get up everyday.

Like I said maybe, you just have to let go and let things wash over you.
And one day everything will be back on an even keel.

[Daisydot]

I feel like a different me now.I used to be so confident I loved people and all of my jobs involved being around lots of different people daily on a one to one basis,now even the thought if it makes me curl up and want to wither away.I hate confrontation and I've gotten awful shy but to be honest I'm finding now that I'm a bit better since being on the hrt again.Im getting some of that love for people back again and my sense of humour is on the up,I had a great time on holiday recently and felt super then I got back and the health anxiety kicked in again after I got my blood test results online and it's saying abnormal results on a few of them and consult doctor so I'm feeling stressed again,I do wish they wouldn't do this to us,at least call and speak to us to give an idea of what's abnormal instead of causing our anxiety levels to soar,I've almost given up on the idea of having a normal run at life because every time I try I get a battering again.I do feel weak now I was never like this,I want me back 😁

[Snoooze]

What were you tested for Daisy? I had blood tests a few weeks back and the Nurse asked if I wanted to make an appt to go through them or did I want her to ring me and so I asked for her to ring me which she did. My husband is in a different practice to me and they write to you telling you the Dr wants to see you about your blood tests but it does say if it was something urgent they would not write, they would phone you.
My Dad also had health anxiety like me and I remember he used to have a lot of blood tests then they would call him and say the Dr needed to see him and he would get himself all worked up and in a panic and then it would be something or nothing.
In a way I'm glad I've always had anxiety as if I would have suddenly developed it at this age in peri, I think I would have been in such a state over it. At least I know what it is and most of the time I can get through it but last year was particularly difficult and I don't think I actually 'lived' much last year, I felt like I was just existing and trying to get through each day.
These things are sent to try us!

[Daisydot]

Hi snoooze x it was full blood tests done including thyroid,one of them said my d3 result was abnormal which I expected but I don't know what the other stuff meant there was so much on it.I guess like you said if it was anything really bad they phone me,I did have one missed call private no number,when I was in Italy but I assume if it was docs they'd have at least left a voicemail.problem is they're so incompetent now I can't trust them so that gets me worked up playing guessing games.
I'll ring on Monday and see if anyone will discuss over phone if not I've an appointment that I pre booked ages ago for Tuesday.thank you snoooze fingers crossed xx

[Kernow]

Dear Daisydot,  try not to worry too much about those blood tests. You're absolutely right, if there was anything seriously out of kilter they would have contacted you or left you a message for you to contact them.
A lot of these blood tests can err outside ‘normal' parameters' and it's nothing to worry about, but standard practice to repeat them ‘as per the guidelines'. So please try not to stress.
As for finding yourself again, in my humble opinion in the short time I've been reading your posts...I think you're absolutely fabulous!

[Snoooze]

I had same. All OK apart from my Vitamin D levels low again (which I had guessed due to how I feel), so back on the supplements again.

[Kernow]

Jillydoll...my old trouper....

I usually find it's about 3a.m. When all comes back to plague me.
The trouble is once I start on something it opens the door for all my ‘Annus horribilis' to march right in and repeat on an endless loop.
And then there's the ‘what ifs'...why didn't I do/say that, why didn't I ask for help,etc etc etc.
The hardest thing for me is that I lost my cousin to ovarian cancer 3 years ago, we were both only children and I suppose were more like sisters. She knew me inside out and I miss her so much.
There's just me and my son, my husband left when my son was 3, (after moving all the bank accounts, moving us out of our home on the pretence that the business wasn't doing well) he totally disappeared and left us with nothing. I often think what a fool I was to see none of it coming.
I managed to get us back on track with the help of some good souls but then found out I had a brain tumour...(I know such a drama queen)!
However, I made a promise to myself that if I got through it I would move to somewhere I'd always wanted to live and luckily I have done that.
Anxiety is a wretched wretched thing, but I think you're right, some days are better than others whilst some are the absolute pits...but just ride ot the crap and know it won't last.
You're too special for that! :bighug:X

[CLKD]

You didn't see his deceit though.  So stop kicking yourself?  You have presumably survived that issue?