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[mabel64]

Morning ladies Im feeling really desperate lately, to the point that Im frightening ,yself with the way I feel. Started on femseven patches due to all the usual peri-meno symptoms, couldnt get them to stick so started on femoston 2/10. This has helped with joint aches andflushes but my mental health seems to be getting worse. Ive begun to have feelings of anxiety especially on waking. This seems to be worse during the oestrogen phase of the femoston.

My confidence and self esteem is at rock bottom. Gp said my bp is too high to stay on hrt without taking bp meds, so I started them and started getting really bad palpitations and racing heart. Went back to gp who prescribed diazepam to take as in an emergency andbooked me in to see usual gp next week.

I feel like Im having a total meltdown and dont know how to get through it. Ive been on citalopram forever by the way.

At the moment I just feel Ill be like this forever

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hello,

I really feel for you as I've felt this way. It really is astounding how difficult this phase of life can be for some of us.

There are some really knowledgable people on here who will give their advice soon re HRT.

I have similarly been on an antidepressant for years and managed well with meditation, exercise, healthy eating and supportive family and friends. In fact I would say I had no symtpoms at all of anxiety or low mood until my perimenopausal symptoms started.

I am currently trying another antidepressant. At first (just last week) I started tapering down the original one while introducing the new one. It seemed to be helping but now I have re-introduced the original one as I want to do the tapering more gently.

It's all quite confusing and difficult to know what to do. My GP is very supportive and i've been doing cbt and started counselling. My GP has referred me to a specialist menopause clinic. You could ask your GP to do this.

My gut feeling is that when the HRT is in the right one for you and in balance (I was extremely anxious on Evorel Sequi which may have been a reaction to the synthetic progesterone, norehistine) the mental health type symtpoms are more manageable. I am currently on 3 pumps of Estrogel and ultragestan. These are bioidentical HRT and the progesterone is ‘kinder'. This combination is often suggested for people who have struggled on other HRT. It might not be what works for you but I just want you to know there are other options.

Please know you are not alone and that there is hope. There are different HRT's you can try and additional medications that may help. You will not be like this forever.

Big hugs xxxxx

[mabel64]

Thank you so much for replying. My mind is so all over the place at the moment I cant fwrite sensible replies but I am reading and so grateful for your response xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Totally understand how that feels too. Big hugs xxxx

[aspie65]

I too have been on an SSRI for ages, but I had to double the dose when my perimenopause got going as it wasn't enough.  I went on HRT too which helped a lot.  Sadly even that wasn't enough when life got very stressful and I added pregabalin to the mix, just a low dose was enough to help me sleep better and to use, instead of diazepam when I needed it.  I never liked the way diazepam made me feel but pregabalin really reduces my anxiety and unlike diazepam et al it is not physically addictive and you don't build up a tolerance so you can use it long term.

I am having to change HRT at the moment as they stopped making the one I was on and I am struggling to get the dosages right etc and life feels really hard at the moment.  Hang in there as I like to say 'this too shall pass'!

[racjen]

Mabel64, can I add my support and empathy - I totally get what you're going through, women who breeze through the menopause with nothing but the odd hot flush have NO idea the degree of hell some of us are living in on a daily basis. Like you I'm suffering very badly with anxiety first thing in the morning, which then has the secondary effect of dragging me down into depression because it feels so hopeless - nothing works. I've tried many many anti-depressants but they make me feel suicidal. I also have diazepam for emergency use but having been dependent on it in the past I'm really wary of using it too often. This week has been particularly bad as my GP refused on Monday to refer me to a specialist, plus the breast cancer support group follow up I went to left me feeling like a complete freak as 1 year on from treatment everybody else is fine, I'm the only one having these kind of problems.

Yesterday I took my latest sick note in to give to my (incredibly supportive) boss; when she saw the state I was in she insisted on coming with me to my GP immediately and then made the GP contact the mental health Crisis Team. They visited yesterday and have organised an appointment today with a psychiatrist to try and find some short term medication I can tolerate. Without something to get me through the desperate mornings I'm scared that one of these days it'll all get too much and I'll find a way of topping myself. But to get any kind of help I've had to say that and keep saying it, otherwise noting happens.

I'll report back once I've seen the psychiatrist - just hope she/he is hormone friendly and able to help somehow.

Be assured you are most certainly not alone, we need to keep supporting each other and reassuring each other that we're not just going mad. And sharing anything we find that makes a positive difference.

Rachel x

[Roseneath]

Big hugs Mabel64 and know that you are not alone and not going crazy. Two weeks  ago I thought I was going mad  with terrible racing mind and constant  anxiety.  I couldn't cook, didn't  want to be  around family, tearful,  nearly came back from  the supermarket with nothing. It has cleared though but at  the time  I thought it never would, and I cling to the thought that  this time last year I had the same swings  in mood. The short, dark days do not help. Try and get out, eat  little and  often, watch something to  distract your mind.  I have tried HRT/propranolol but nothing for me seems to 'work'; I'm either down or OKish. It  will lift I promise you. When one of  these  posts makes you smile or cry that is a step forward. 

[Lucy]

Huge hugs Mabel. You are absolutely not alone in this. I am having  a rough patch myself at the moment. Like you I have been on Citalapran for years. and now HRT. sometimes I feel very desperate in the mornings but better when it gets dark again. sometimes i have a rough night too. But i suffered from this before the menopause. Its just got much worse.

I am seeing a therapist at the moment which really helps. because I think my anxiety builds up when I am not facing something or I am blocking feelings.CBT doesn't  really help with that. Psychodynamic counselling does help me. I try to stay connected with people- I do a weekly yoga session too which helps.  Make sure you are getting out the house. - Just to go and buy a banana or milk or something. Your local MIND branch will also offer some drop in sessions and a cup of tea- find out where it is and use them.- I first went when I was 22 and I felt so ashamed but it really helped. See whats available locally also talk things through face to face with a friend. if you are feeling isolated then that might be something to look at addressing.sharing things is great. I find writing things down and journaling helpful and whatever distraction you can find.

google morning anxiety- you'll see it is extremely common and you will find things that help.
the blurt website https://www.blurtitout.org for depression (not anxiety) has lots of tips and is very calming. accepting that you feel shit and that this  will pass is part of it.  It will go.

[Brainless]

Hi Lucy, I'm just wondering what happens at the MIND drop in sessions?

[SFrancos74]

I am in exactly the same boat, I have suffered from anxiety in the past, but was totally fine for the last 5/6 years. Earlier this year I felt so good i tapered my meds down, then wham in September my anxiety and panic attacks came back in full force. GP has put me back up to my original anti depressant dose, I take Propranolol to help with constant t adrenalin rushes which meant I was in full panic mode all day and i am on Evorel Sequi patches. I feel anxious all day, although mornings are worse, I have nausea all day, every day and I seem to cry at everything. I am pretty much housebound. I meditate every day, which helps at times, but I feel like I am going to be trapped like this forever. Only been on HRT for 3 weeks and it has made my nausea much worse and the Conti patches are a nightmare because of the depression they give me and how unwell they make me feel. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through.

[Lucy]

Hi Brainless- all Local Mind centres are different. Mine has an art drop in and just a general chit chat drop in. They run "managing your anxiety" courses too. I am wondering about doing that.
I read a good book too "making friends with your anxiety" Sarah Rayner- there is one on Menopause too. also anything by Dr Claire weeks- I find it calming just reading those.

[Brainless]

Thanks Lucy, I will see if they show what my local one does online. I've just received the speakmans new book but it's surprisingly disappointing so thinking of sending it back and will check out those you have suggested.

[mabel64]

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has replied, it is a big help to read other peoples experiences and not feel so alone. I went to bed this aft and slept fitfully for a couple of hours, complete with usual vivid dreams of course. Just couldnt face doing anything.

I havent got a partner (moaned about this in one of my first threads!) so feel very alone in all this.I do have adult children but I feel I cant tell them how I really feel, they know Im not well.

As Im currently on the oestrogen part of the pills Im wondering if as I was still having periods every couple of months whether my own hormones may be causing an overload...Ive no idea whether this can hapoen but just trying to find some answers...

[tazerqueen]

Hi everyone,

As someone who was lucky not to suffer very many symptoms, I want you to know that I still feel your pain. Not so much physically but emotionally. The lack of understanding especially from men who haven't got a clue can be so debilitating.
I'm not going to preach and tell you to try this or that as I'm sure others have better suggestions for you but wanted you to know that even though I was lucky it doesn't mean I don't understand or empathse.
I suffered from heavy periods as a teenager and that was pretty awful, and much later realise I was getting PMT so I do get the frustration.
You're not alone!

[Roseneath]

mabel64. I would really encourage you to see your GP again; or try and find one you think will be sympathetic; even a nurse. I was put on Elleste Duet HRT after having had anxiety, insomnia & period cycle changes and for me with this type I felt much worse.  I had a call into a different GP who told me to come off it as she thought I may have too high oestrogen to start with so the med was making things worse.
Anyways it would be worth maybe sitting down again and going over how you feel and what you have tried so you will feel like you have a bit of a plan again. Big hugs to you.