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[Wendy66]

Hi Ladies

This is my first post. Although I have read so many posts over the years that have helped I really feel like I need some emotional support and hope someone can send me advice.
I'm 51 and my mood swings are awful. Someone wrote on here it's like being a teenager again and yes that's what it's like. I feel so ashamed as it's brought back my memories of being a teenager and the sulking and mood swings that drove my parents insane now drive my teenage children and husband insane.
The problem is my children make me feel old and stupid, I take everything personally and end up crying by myself feeling like I have nothing left that they admire or want. I feel so sad that I've started antidepressants and HRT because I hope they will make me a nicer person to be around and an easier person to be. I feel so alone.

[Dotty]

Hopefully the hrt will start working soon. Which hrt are you taking ?

[Wendy66]

Hi Dotty

I took 2 months of Femiston Conti and felt amazing for 3 wks then  when the progesterone kicked in I felt terrible - both emotionally and physically so the doctor changed me to patches. I didn't use them as I felt ok but the last 6wks have been terrible again which is why I went to the doctors in the first place. I've coped with flushes and fatigue but the mood swings are the worst.

[Taz2]

Hi Wendy66 - lots of us have been where you are today and it will get better.

Which patch HRT have you been given?

Taz x 

[Wendy66]

Hi Taz

I just had to fish the box out of the cupboard - it's Femseven Conti Sequi and I've taken a Prozac as well !

I think I'm struggling more with the teenagers - things that used to wash over me now send my self confidence spiralling downwards. Just as they are blooming I am falling apart and they make me feel old and no longer needed. First they get physically better then their brains are so much sharper - and all I had was my brain to start with !
I end up feeling so sad and tearful and it does pass but not without leaving some scars on the way.

Wendy x

[Butterfly22]

I no just how you feel as when I argue with my daughter I go to her level rather then talk ect I shout and swear!
It's so difficult, not as bad now but it use to be hard, I had to pick my arguments and any back chat I'd say give me your phone for the night ect. She soon learned to show more respect.
 Xx

[Daisydot]

Hi Wendy so sorry to hear that and teenagers are expert at making us all feel old I have teenage grandchildren now and I watch them with my daughter and they do love to play little mind games lol it's not you it's just your usual coping mechanism isn't quite firing as it used to.
Try your patches there's nothing to be scared of I've just changed to patches and I find them very good,when removing stick a wee bit of baby oil under the patch and gradually ease off then clean the area with the baby oil,don't whip it off you don't want to break your skin.im not on the same patches as I've no womb so it's a bit less complicated for me but as I said don't be scared try them they work very quickly.keep your chin up and good luck xx

[CLKD]

Who is the adult in this household?  Sit them all down and point out that you are their Mother, that ground rules continue but you are feeling un-well due to The Change - it is what it says on the tin!  Where is your husband in all this?  Make sure that you and he are on the same page!

Browse round.  Make notes.  Some ladies find that keeping a mood/symptom/food diary helpful.  Also, some couples find having a 'buzz' word for when she blows useful  Like "I'm menopausal, stand well back!"

[Stillsearching]

Hi Wendy

It's easier said than done but feeling ashamed of the way you were as a teenager isn't helping you and is certainly not necessary at our time of lives. Your own teenagers are programmed to make you feel old and stupid it's part of their growing up just as it was yours. They will grow out of it and their kids will be the same with them one day. Haha.  Have you read the advice for husbands on this forum? My suggestion is to print the sheets and sit your family down and read them together. If you have daughters they will probably feel like you are now when they reach your age and if you have sons they also need to know what's happening.

 

[Woodlands]

Hi Wendy.
I too was in your position a few years back, seven years ago...children youngest were ,14 and 15, eldest had left home. My husband now ex was a nightmare.
Situation I had a breakdown, ended up off work and in bed for five weeks...major MH issues...yes I started AD's and latter HRT...I was at a point of almost taking my life. How did I get through?? By taking back control..taking meds, access counseling and reminding my kids I was the adult in charge and not them! If they were unkind I told them how they hurt me or I just walked away to stop their power trip....I delegate tasks in the house or let stuff slip. I found my now ex was cheating.
Outcome...I left him now divorced. My eldest died 3 years ago...so sad, my middle one lives with me now 20 loves me to bits, my youngest has many issues.
So, look after you! Go steady be safe and one day at a time, if I can do it anyone can
Woodlands xx

[Linsey44]

Hi Wendy

Im sorry you are feeling low, i can identify with the whole teenage thing, i have a 13yr old daughter who knows best (yeah whatever ).  I find it difficult not to snap when she almost sneers at me.   Dealing with this and meno is a minefield.

However you need your husband to support you and put on a united front, sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms  exactly how you feel and what you need and expect from him.  Men need clarity!!!

The kids will eventually mature and leave home and its important that your relationship with him is solid so neither of you should be harbouring /building resentment about not feeling supported at this difficult time in your lives.

Good luck

Woodlands. I read some of your recent posts and realised that i recognised you.  Id often wondered where you had gone.  Im sorry you are having a hard time especially with your daughter and good luck.

Linseyx

[Wendy66]

Thank you everyone - it's so kind of people to reply and makes me feel I'm not alone. Just reading your comments makes me feel like there's an invisible arm around my shoulder and for that I'm so grateful. I'm so sorry Woodland for your loss and difficulties with your youngest - sometimes life feels more like a battle than a skip in the Park. I am going to take all your advice and speak to my husband and then the kids when I feel more composed. You have all given me that boost I needed, although I can't promise I won't be back here crying next week !

[Lanzalover]

Hi Wendy66

Lots of us have been where you are at the moment teenagers and menopausal women are definitely not a good mix with all those hormones flying about but it will get better.

 :cancan:For me it was a case of getting the correct HRT regime I had to try a few before I found the one that suits me and helps with both the physical and emotional symptoms.

Explaining to DH what was going on and how I felt really helped and he has been really supportive and dealt with youngest son when I just couldn't cope anymore.

If I were you I would write down everything you want to say before you speak too your husband and the children and if necessary ask that they just listen and don't interrupt you so you can ensure you get to say what you need you can then discuss after you have spoken.

Sending you a  do let us know how you get on.


Lanzalover x

[Lucy]

Hi Wendy I was graduating from college when my mum went through this.   I wish she'd of just told me a bit of how she was feeling and about the menopause.  Because I thought it was something much more sinister. She's no longer around to talk to about it now that I'm going through it and have teenagers in the house.  I've talked to my kids and my daughter is already grateful she has the knowledge. My son just calls it The Ministrone!  I find with my Partner that I have to be very very clear! Get your husband to get between you and the kids and get him onside that will help loads. Don't let teens be Pigs.  Just because your a mum it doesn't mean that you have to be made of steel- that would make you a crap mum indeed.  Don't feel that telling them what's going on makes you weak. If they are being hurtful tell them.  If you were a pig of a teenager that doesn't mean you should take the shit now. and you were a child then.  I'm having therapy HRT and I've been on ADs for years it's all helping as do friends and family yoga and excercise.  It will get better.  Good luck.  Let us know how you get on. 

[CLKD]

Men certainly aren't mind readers    .  It.  Has.  To.  B.  Spelled (spelt?) OUT 

Trouble is, mums and teens often clash as it all happens at the same time, Mother Nature having a joke was SHE!!!  Do read the advice for husbands here and print off a copy