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[Nasil41]

I fear the black dog is trying to get  me in his grip again and im so scared I wish I could cry but I'm so numb and flat. I feel so drained and tired and don't know what's what anymore, I just wish I could switch off for a bit my mind is working so hard ive given myself a headache
The constant looking for answers and needing reassurance is driving me mad !
Is this me now for the rest of my life ? Everyday the same like groundhog day I just want to sleep and wake up and it's all been a horrible nightmare
Sorry I just feel so alone and like im just existing 

[CLKD]

I can't remember if you are still having periods, whether you take HRT or if you have tried anti-depressant medication but if you feel as ill as you sound, then hot foot to your GP this week and get appropriate medication!  Without my ADs I wouldn't be here. Regardless of whether this is hormonal, an AD for 6-8 months so that symptoms improve will give you breathing space to consider if other medication along with or instead of, might help.

[dulciana]

I fear the black dog is trying to get  me in his grip again and im so scared I wish I could cry but I'm so numb and flat. I feel so drained and tired and don't know what's what anymore, I just wish I could switch off for a bit my mind is working so hard ive given myself a headache
The constant looking for answers and needing reassurance is driving me mad !
Is this me now for the rest of my life ? Everyday the same like groundhog day I just want to sleep and wake up and it's all been a horrible nightmare
Sorry I just feel so alone and like im just existing 

Hi Nasil41.  I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.   I've been running short of sleep recently because of Hubby's health worries and it's been dragging me down physically and emotionally.  I wasn't going to do anything this afternoon, wanting to just sleep and lie around.  It was all I felt up to.  Then in the middle of the afternoon, I noticed it was bright and dry outside, so I made myself go for a leisurely walk, using the same route that I usually take a brisk walk around.  I found myself looking up at the trees as I walked, noticing the colour of the sky and clouds and hearing birds, distant planes etc.  I also bumped into a friend along the way and we had a nice chat.  It took me out of myself and I feel more human now.   I'm not trying to make light of what you're going through but I'm just wondering if perhaps doing something like that would be of any help to you.  Take care.
 

[CLKD]

I did find that as I began to recover from the anxiety, which had kept me away from shops, that talking to someone lifted my mood a little.  A simple 'hello' could be enough to help.

[KAH]

I 100% get it, I'm in a very similar place at the moment. I have no head space for every day stuff, I'm all consumed by anxiety. I am considering going back on ADs myself (been off them for 6yrs) but I desperately don't want to so doing my very best to try to get on top of things. At the moment that seems impossible but I'm taking little steps.
For the moment I'm using a technique I was taught in CBT where I rationalise every thought, so when I have a symptom that's worrying, I think of all the things it might be that are not serious or life threatening and I concentrate on those. I also think what I would say to someone else complaining of the same symptom, it's quite amazing how differently you think when it's someone else your thinking of, not yourself.
You probably know all those techniques, it might be worth going back over all the techniques you've been taught and trying to put them back in practice. When I was first taught them it came naturally to use them but as time passes by I think I've become complacent so it's a bit of more tricky to get back into it. Thinking of you xx

[CLKD]

Why do any of you fight taking medication appropriately  ....... if you are hungry, do you not eat?  If you take anti-anxiety meds it will give you a break from symptoms, not immediately but as the drug kicks in, you will feel better.  Same with depression.  When I was told that I have to take an AD for Life I was upset and wanted to know what was causing my depression but no-one was interested.  So I now take a concoction of meds. which I can alter the dose of if necessary and we have a Life again.

Some ADs do ease hot flushes too.  Some ADs do ease anxiety.  But I would suggest that if you feel you may need to go that route, do it sooner rather than later.  From personal experience as well as from talking with people who suffer depression, the longer we/they leave it B4 starting medication, the longer it takes the brain to feel better. 

[Nasil41]

I'm trying to live in the here and now but i don't seem to be able stop my mind running away with the
" never getting better"
" lose my job"
" never working again"
All the what ifs  which I know when im feeling a bit stronger are a no no
I'm peri and im already on ADs (2) and pregablin for anxiety. What if all this is just me and has nothing to do with menopause ? I'm even afraid to try HRT now in case I am a hopeless case
I've been off sick for the last month and have been recently told im diabetic do you think that could be making me worse ?
Thank you for replying to me it makes me feel less isolated
Everyone on here is so encouraging, helpful and wise
I feel like a lost little girl
X

[KAH]

Why do any of you fight taking medication appropriately  ....... if you are hungry, do you not eat?  If you take anti-anxiety meds it will give you a break from symptoms, not immediately but as the drug kicks in, you will feel better.  Same with depression.  When I was told that I have to take an AD for Life I was upset and wanted to know what was causing my depression but no-one was interested.  So I now take a concoction of meds. which I can alter the dose of if necessary and we have a Life again.

Some ADs do ease hot flushes too.  Some ADs do ease anxiety.  But I would suggest that if you feel you may need to go that route, do it sooner rather than later.  From personal experience as well as from talking with people who suffer depression, the longer we/they leave it B4 starting medication, the longer it takes the brain to feel better.

When I was first ill with ME/CFS just under 8 yrs ago, it took 6 months for them to diagnose it. I experienced such horrific symptoms that in those 6 months I thought I was dying. I took ADs to ease the anxiety but if I'm honest they only took the edge off, but at least I could function again.
It wasn't until I came off them that I realised I hadn't been 'feeling' much at all, all the emotions that came flooding back were overwhelming for quite a while until I got used to it. This is just a personal thing, but I wouldn't want to go back to the numb feeling that I felt on ADs. Maybe I just had a bad experience, as I say it's just my personal thoughts x

[CLKD]

Maybe if your GP had given you an anti-anxiety medication if that was your worst symptom?  An anti-depressant is for a different illness. 

I have fortunately never found that ADs cause lack of feeling.  However, depression certainly did.  I have organic as well as clinical depression which caused me many hours of sitting; doing nowt; feeling dreadful; fearing that I would never be 'normal' again.  I had to realise that Life would not be the same and now I appreciate every day that I can get out of bed as well as everytime I can go out and about without panic attacks sending me fleeing .......... I never think more than half a day at a time.

At my worst I wrote down every thing I needed to do, ticked off each day so that I could see what I had actually achieved.  I never want to feel *that* ill again. 

Perhaps the relaxation therapy would help?

[NorthArm]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. Please talk to your GP, get some cbt- and try some meditation, there are some good ones on YouTube.

Personally I'm in a similar situation - on hrt and about to see a gynae to discuss all options. I too have been of ad medication for nearly a year, but am seriously considering going back on it - quality of life is so important xx

[CLKD]

I missed this last night:

" never getting better"
" lose my job"
" never working again"   - that was me in the 1990s  - but once the anti-depressant medication kicked in; and once the GP added a beta-blocka to my 'diet', I slowly picked up until I realised that I felt better.  I always made a list each evening of what was required the next day so that I had a record of what I had actually achieved ;-).

I also began shopping.  I continued working.  I now have courage enough to go out and about most days and those that I feel iffy - I check my food intake for the previous 2-3 days and it's usually due to not eating properly   

Little steps.  It isn't easy but do speak with your GP about appropriate medication.  Maybe take a list of your symptoms, make a double appt. and talk your feelings through.

[Nasil41]

Thank you all for your concern and advice I really appreciate it
I am seeing my GP tomorrow she has referred me back to psychiatry so it's a waiting game now
It's like sub conscious it wakes me up every morning, the physical horrible anxious stomach and I just feel really heavy. It arrives even before I have time to think it makes me think I'm just wired up wrong unfortunately 
I'm doing my best to take little steps but then I see the bigger picture that I will be like this today, tomorrow ....forever 
Every day for over 2 years I have woke like this some days are worse than others. Sometimes it eases off before I go to work ( or used too) but the last 4 weeks it's stopped me in my tracks.
I just wish I knew if my hormones where fuelling the fire or is it something else, there I go looking for answers again
A bit off subject my period is on its way as I'm bleeding slightly but oh my my back is killing me I feel 90 years old hobbling about and my stomach looks like im about too give birth. This is my first period since early July so I reckon it is going to be messy
Thank you all again
I did listen to an app by Glenn Harold last night it didn't send me to sleep but it was quite relaxing

[CLKD]

Trouble is, depression and anxiety are on-going.  It may well be cortisol waking you suddenly which means you are plunged immediately into the physicality of it all, therefore any coping strategies: i.e. relaxation therapy : goes out the window.  I would wake absolutely terrified: not something a person who hasn't experienced this can even imagine: around 5.30 a.m. and shake for hours  - until the appropriate medication kicked in.  This went on for weeks until the AD had begun to take effect.  My GP never considered HRT as it was obviously depression and anxiety that needed to be dealt with quickly - my Psychiatrist confirmed this, my GP was concerned enough to arrange a DV  - and he has been in charge of my mental health since. 

Half a day at a time.  If you need to sleep/doze, do so.  Could you take a cancellation appt., it might be worth your ringing the Secretary to the Psychiatrist to let her know if you can.   

[Nasil41]

CLKD your description of it could be mine I would wake shaking and could literally feel the adrenaline surging round my body, and it was constant from about 5 in morning until early evening when I would have a bit of a break until it came back the next morning
I don't think anyone can understand how debilitating it can be unless you have experienced it. My friends didn't understand and thought it was all.in my mind and I could think myself better duh do they honestly think anyone would choose this I even got accused of having munchausen 
I'm not that bad now I am in a better place but it's impacting on my life. I'm staying in my room most of the time in bed, I don't like going out and I know I'm not looking after myself as much as in bathing and washing it's enough I put clean pjs on each day
My mam suffered from anxiety so I do think its "in the family" and mine's always been caused by triggers in the past which normally is controlled by an AD but the anxiety that suddenly arrived march 2015 has changed me dramatically
I wonder what state I would be in without any medication I think I would be locked away. I feel like I should be fighting this and forcing myself to do things but I don't have the energy im just too tired x

[CLKD]

I think that certain illnesses/conditions that parents/relatives suffer with can impact on the children.  Certainly so in my case.  I don't remember but I know that I moved 'home' at the age of 3/4 which must have been an upheaval as it allowed my parents to get at each more often.  I have had anxiety since age 3 when I had my first panic attack  .

I also moved on my 7th birthday but I remember nowt.  Not even in flashbacks.  My sister has a different memory of our growing up than I do.

My family has a history of anxiety, depression, alcoholism - way, way back.  I wanted to know if my depression was chemical or genetic.  None of the medical profession were interested in finding out, although my GP did tell me once "You are just like your father" and my retort of "Until you prove otherwise!" shut him up.  I eventually realised that without appropriate medication I would be stuck in bed ........ and certainly my GP has been hugely helpful in finding a combination of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and the emergency tablet for when anxiety floors me.  Which can happen in seconds.

I have organic depression as well as clinical  .  Some medics still don't recognise the former insisting that every depressive illness is caused by daily living/situations that people can't alter.  However.

So don't despair.  If you feel depressed then talk to your GP about medication and if you have menopausal symptoms maybe discuss what might help.  I always take a list to my GP of my symptoms as well as making a double appt..  If we can't cover it all, I make another appt. for the following week.