Sooty, you said I could share more!
Learning to be fully present when listening, so that a person feels really heard, is a skill that needs practice, but anyone can acquire once they understand what it means. Not interrupting, bringing attention to yourself, eyes not glazing over etc.
Now other things I can share.
Sometimes people treat you badly without obvious provocation or react out of all proportion to something you have said or done or reading something into what you have said that was not implied or intended. That's because they are reacting to past pain not the present. We all do this sometimes, but sometimes you find you have to tread very carefully with some people. Some people seem to be looking for an argument. It is not personal; it is about them and the bad place they are in. It helps to understand this so you don't feel undermined. It helps to understand the background of any abusive behaviour for your own sake, but there is never any excuse for abusive behaviour.
Unconditional love does not mean that you should tolerate abuse/bad behaviour. With a child, you have to make it clear that being cross about behaviour does not mean withdrawing love. It's the behaviour you don't like, but the child you love whatever. It's the same with adult relationships, but in cases of really abusive behaviour you have to remove yourself. Love from a distance.
It is not selfish to look after your needs first, as then you are more able to look after others. If you can love yourself unconditionally, without that awful judgemental voice, then it is easier to give and to be open to receiving love.
And life becomes more simple and less stressful. ❤️ To you all!