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[Wrensong]

Hi Brighteyes, glad you enjoyed the meal - know what you mean about mega portions being OTT at this stage of life though.  Digestion definitely works better when enough is enough!

Your pain sounds gruelling & that you now manage on the milder painkillers is a credit to your resilience, especially given how long-standing it's been.  I know from being a Pain Clinic patient in the past, that treatments move on all the time, but you will know better than me whether it might be worth asking for someone to take a fresh look for you.

There can be so much guilt associated with the process of parents ageing, but as you say we can only do what we judge to be best on any given day.  I lost my dad to chronic illness aged just 61 when I was 20 & my Mum in her 70s when I was 36, so I can understand how you still miss your Dad so long after the event.  I remember the rising panic at not knowing how to tell Mum, when her memory was failing in her final illness, that we had lost Dad 15 years before - she was asking where he was.  They can be heartbreaking & daunting times, when we effectively have to take over the parenting role they once carried out for us. 

Though the sad memories inevitably still resurface from time to time, I focus on recalling the good times we shared.  There were many of them & there can be a lot of comfort in this, so I hope when things get tough, you find this helps too.  I hope both you & your Mum are OK when you see her today & that you manage at last to get a GP appt.  You are doing your very best in difficult circumstances and no one can do more than that.

The wildlife pond sounds a lovely project for what must be much-needed diversion.  How big will it be?  Hope the book's helpful.

[CaroleM]

Good afternoon Wrensong,

Are you sitting comfortably?  I saw my GP this morning! She was very concerned about my sleep, or lack of rather, and wants to get that right. The idea being that if we can get that bit right, relief of other things might follow to a degree.  She is more than reluctant to prescribe sleeping tables and I don't want them anyway. She did ask about it pressures on me, including my mental stability. Thankfully I know all is not too bad in that direction, previous experience when I had a total breakdown means I have a pretty good handle on how that all feels.  Anyway, she has put me on the 2nd level of Mirtazapine and she wants to see me in 5 weeks. So, I am prepared to play fair and see if a higher dosage can help the painful flushes.

I am a pain clinic graduate too!   I had acupuncture first but it wasn't too successful. Later I had a series of epidurals, one a month for 6 months  Month 1 to 3 were no trouble at all being done. Month 4 was a bit different, I think the majoring of a very big teaching hospital must have heard the scream. It went incorrectly, yowl, did it hurt!  The next 2 saw me tense up, so a gentle sedative was given first.  At the time I was on a government employment training scheme and DH and I had started seeing each other, he too was on the same scheme.  Naturally I did my work at home, I was in no fit state to go to the centre. No lift and teaching rooms on 1st floor! I did go in one day, by taxi, for a prearranged meeting and my treatment was questioned. Both male managers were ex RN. One, had as it happened, had 1 epidural and could not get his head around 6 at 1 monthly intervals. Putting it bluntly, they didn't believe me.  I glared. Then I asked if they would like to contact my Consultant. Both shut up then.  That got topped off by an unscheduled hysterectomy 2 months later  . My DH and I could not have got together at a worst time, but he definitely knew what he was getting by then and he still wanted me. That makes him very precious to me.

I was 27 when Daddy died. He'd been taken into hospital on my birthday. Daddy being Daddy refused to go in his pajamas! He came down stairs and said he was so upset because it was my birthday. I told him not to worry, there "all be plenty more birthdays". Sadly the wasn't. He'd have hated carrying on as things were and he'd have much pain, so for him it was a kindness.

Mum's elder nephew was telling her point blank that both her parents and sister and brother in law were " they're dead". That left me to calm her down again because she became so distressed. He and I had a falling out and she's not even had a birthday or Christmas card from anyone in her blood family since. The home she is in is wonderful, they could not as kinder to her. Both she and I are very fortunate in that respect.  Yes, there are times we have somewhat strange conversations!

Haven't yet decided on the size of the pond, but it won't be small, or should I say, too small.

Just now PollyMarie hen is inspecting my right upper arm, not sure why exactly. She's being gentle for the moment. Obviously I must taste nice! I'm sure I came as a hen's entertainment kit and a cat bed :Pj

Time I got changed, my top now has muddy paw prints on it. Peter took a flying leap over PollyMarie and landed square on my lap. It's amazing how often I get 'supervised' when I am in the bathroom.  Right now I could happily curl up and doze off  Driving this tired could be dangerous to us and to any other people. I think a snooze is in order first.

Have a gentle day everyone.

Brighteyes

[Wrensong]

Hi Brighteyes.  Glad to know your GP took the sleep difficulties seriously & hope an increase in Mirtazapine might really help with this.  I know it can be pretty sedating.  Hope it helps with the flushing too - didn't know this particular AD was useful for those, but I know as a general class they can help with flushing, so fingers crossed for you.

I thought you would already have been familiar with the Pain Clinic - not the sort of graduation we generally aspire to though, is it?!  Like you, I already had the chronic pain condition when my OH & I got together - the right man can make the most tremendous difference in life, so both you & I have been lucky there.

I'm sorry you too lost your Dad at such a young age, but very sadly in some circumstances as you say, it can be close to a blessing.  Your Mum's care home sounds wonderful given her situation.

Hope you manage to get a long, restorative nap and much improvement ahead from the Mirtazapine.

[CaroleM]

Good evening Wrensong,

Dozed well, then found the energy to drive to the local shopping area, about 800m each way. Firstly though I had to go to the vet and hand over Virginia hen for cremation. DH hasn't been able to let her go, she's been triple wrapped and in the bottom drawer of the freezer. Today I told him we had to let her go. He went to Iceland and I got everything sorted out. We will have ashes back and scatter them in the garden.

We ended up in Costa for a coffee for DH and a ice cooler for me. Once home, he de-iced the freezer. Tomorrow I am going to make mango ice cream. I have mango puree left over from me icing I made. I'm going can use double cream and jaggery, which is a middle easterly sugar. Comes in a block, incredibly sweet so you use less and has a deep rich almost black treacly taste. I loathe black treacle but love jaggery!  It's going to be a very simple ice cream; cream, jaggery and the mango puree.

As you can guess, I didn't get to see Mum today, so in the morning I hope we get to Newton Abbott. I want to go to the cake decorating shop to get 2 edible lace making mats. One suitable for wedding anniversaries and one for Christmas cake lace like icicles.  In the afternoon we can go to see Mum.

Time to get to bed.  Sleep well.

Brighteyes

[CaroleM]

Good morning (just),

Bad night and lots of pain, DH making sure I stay put in bed until my pain killers kick in. I feel dreadful when my pain etc disturbs him too and that includes the painful flushes, at night. I did once suggest twin beds, he shot that one down instantly.

He had a stroke aged 42, so is restricted in what he can do, he does his absolute best now to help me as much as is humanly possible. We stay strong for each other but it hasn't always been like that post stoke.  It took a heavy duty talking session for him to realize that not everything revolves around him. It was a huge shock to him to understand that I had things that I had to deal with for myself and a little support from him would be much appreciated.  He admitted that he'd not given that a single thought, but realized he was being totally self centered. His stroke robbed him of the ability to be able to empathize with anyone or thing that wasn't centred purely and solely on himself.  My loosing it one day and our consequential conversation opened his eyes to what was happening with me. That deeply affected him and caused him pain, for the pain he'd caused me. Now we work together and life is so much calmer and mutually supportive. Now he does everything he can when I have a bad day, which is wonderful. I can get my strength back without having to give all to him at the same time because he's sulking and behaving like a 3 year old because he's not getting his own way 24/7.  I think it brave of him to later come to me and ask what he can do to help. Sometimes it is just being here.

[Wrensong]

Hello Brighteyes - a bit late logging on today, up at 4:40 this morning & out early for weekly shop in our nearest market town.  So sorry about Virginia - lovely idea to have her ashes back home with you in the garden though.   A friend recently did that with his dog.  Another couple we know had their cat in the freezer for a few months before they could bear to let it go, so you're not alone in that.  Sadly, the chap had reversed over the cat in the drive.  You couldn't make it up!

The mango ice cream sounds lovely - do you make it with a custard base?  I didn't know of the jaggery.  One of the few ice creams I make uses golden syrup - it's a Nigella recipe - a lovely frozen rum sauce for having with Xmas pud.  Have sometimes put raisins in to eat on its own.  Your 3-ingredient recipe sounds good - I think with ice cream, a few good ingredients can be all that's needed.  Do you have an ice-cream maker or make from scratch yourself?  I just make simple ones from scratch (no machine) & never make a custard base.

Gosh, your cake making sounds highly proficient - I love to cook but have never iced anything, other than with a drizzle or butter cream.  Had never heard of a lace making mat!

Sorry to hear last night was so bad for pain for you.  Does a little gentle heat or cooling the area ever help?  I imagine heat's out of the question with flushes.  I hope you're feeling a lot better by now. 

A stroke for your husband at such an young age must have needed a lot of adjustment for you both.  Can be so hard to talk about things that are so deeply emotive too, so I can imagine how it all got bottled up.  Natural to assume we know how someone we've been close to for a long time is feeling, so it can be shock when something long-simmering boils over & we find out we've been either inward-looking or way off in our perception of their needs.  It sounds as though you're a really good team now, no wonder you appreciate each other so much.

Hope you have a good weekend & very little pain, if none at all is beyond hope.