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[DaisyB]

Weekend was so peaceful- dad still  unwell so we didn't get to do much. On the plus I used the free spa, ate like a queen and felt the anxiety melt away. Batteries recharged a little 

[CLKD]

Daisy - does your Dad have anxiety? 

[DaisyB]

Yes - but covers up. History of trauma xx

[jessieblue]

Gosh!  This post covers just about everything I feel.  Thank you for this.  Terror is the perfect word for how I spend the majority of each day.  Terror mostly of my own body.  I have long been anxious about going out, crowds, shopping, socielising, holidaying etc etc.  This last year though has involved total terror.  As others have said.....physical and emotional symptoms.  I also "crash" regularly.  On these days I am unable to function at all.  I cry uncontrollably but it is like a pressure cooker....these days are the only way I can ease all the pressure, so in a way I welcome them, which is pretty messed up.  I have become irrationally fearful of my own body.  So staying in my safe place alone is also terrorising, as my mind is left free to play with itself!  I am afraid of everything, acid reflux bladder probls vaginal atrophy, vomiting, cancer, the list goes on......I am so totally sure a tumour is growing inside me somewhere that will eventually explain my bodys failings.  I am so sure of it.......

The great thing about this post is to think that this actually may just pass....is that possible without treatments?  I have tried just about every therapy going with exception of anti depressants and hrt.  Nothing has helped, so I have resigned myself to this for life really.  Which sucks.  Thank you for giving me even the tiniest bit of hope that one day I may just feel better, or normal, or anything other than this. 

[jessieblue]

Thanks Sparkle, have a hug from me too!  I tried ovestin cream but it gave me unrelenting thrush!  So that was the end of that.  I havent had a period for 6 years since mirena was fitted.  They dont want to take it out until im 55, another year even though blood tests suggest Im well into menopause.  Im not sure whether to seek treatment for hormones, depression and anxiety or the physical illnesses that my symptoms suggest I have.  The doctors are not very forthcoming with suggestions other than a bag full of different pills each visit. To think that one day I might get better all by myself is wonderful, but probably far fetched.  Anyway for now I am grasping onto that thread of hope because otherwise death seems to only way out of this horror. 

[jessieblue]

Im not really getting any joy with the doctors.  They offer me tablets every time I break down and end up going in.  I was referred for cbt, it was a 6 month wait so I went privately for counselling and cbt and hypnotherapy.  Nothing seems to help.  In years gone by I always found hypnotherapy a real comfort but not so much this time.  I have seen private gps too.  They are very kind but still just pack you off with some tablets.  I take amitriptyline in a low dose which I can tollerate, but I react badly to many meds and that causes more fear, so pills arent really an answer for me. I really would like to see a psychiatrist because my feeling is that something is really not right.  Maybe I have something a little more complex than just anxiety.  I have never ever felt this low for so long and seem to be descending further with every passing day.  Its very scary.  Maybe it is hormones.....where do you start tho? Im a bit overwhelmed with it all and have lost my voice so far as making doctors take notice.  I guess i have just given up really. At least here I do not feel like I am totally isolated.  Its good to read stories of hope and to hear other people have found successful treatments.  Thank goodness for all you ladies.

[DaisyB]

Jessieblue - I am sending you a big hug xx I know how you feel. I paid for a years private membership for GP and after 3 months I feel she has wrote me off! Last week she rang and suggested a psychiatrist and said she could refer for MRI but felt I needed more help. Also said she couldn't prescribe tablets without seeing me again. I was in a really bad place. I've come back out of it this week and I stopped all supplements except CBD - I feel anxiety has just left this week -  I am waiting on the panic returning and have started to record daily as it is most def hormones. I've coil in and estrogel. Perhaps it is these starting to work also? Who knows. My dad is back in hospital and for obvious reasons can't bring CBD in. Told me tonight it is a miracle - only after he stopped it yesterday morning did he notice pain returning - he's not taking it for anxiety so I don't know if it has helped him stay calm or not. If you are stuck there are organisations to help when you're in crisis. Your GP should have a list of local free services. 

[jessieblue]

Thank you DaisyB.  Forgive my ignorance , but is CBD cannabis oil??  I have seen a few mentions of this but wasnt sure if its available in this country or not, or safe or whatever.  I am sorry you have had a bad experience with anxiety too.  Its a living nightmare isnt it?  My private gp service is great, but they are still gps and tend to think that after a few pats on the shoulder and some shiny new pills I will go away and be ok.  Maybe that does work for most people but I have a such a complex mixture of fear phobias and actual illnesses, all feeding off one another.  I just need an "off switch" for my brain.   I hope your panic stays at bay.  I wonder how much the mirena helps or hinders these days actually.  I would really like to be rid of it, but advice says it stays for another year.

[paisley]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are both feeling so bad. It is not fair that in this day & age you have to suffer like this. I remember when I first started the menopause & I really felt like that too & really thought I was losing it. I did see a counselor & found her very very useful. She helped me rationalize things more. I also did relaxation tapes where you tense & relax different parts of your body & I found that very helpful for the obsessional thoughts that accompanied my anxiety. I had a hysterectomy 6 years ago & tried all sorts of HRT which didn't help but I do think the further into menopause you go the better things become. I know you can't see it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Never give up

[DaisyB]

JB - yes its cannabis oil - perfectly legal and not hallucinogenic- I am reading posts and texts to friends from January to last week and wondering where my head has been??? I am cautious as I don't expect this fight is over by a long shot - but whilst I have this reprieve I am taking action. I started sepia homeopathic - recommended by one of the ladies here. Only on it couple of days though. Had a similar reprieve couple of weeks back and felt great - thought it was either B12 or CBD - the thoughts are almost certainly hormonal driven as I slumped again last week and all panic attacks, night terrors and irrational fears returned with a vengeance. I am very hopeful I will get to the bottom of this and that you will also xx