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[Helen36]

Hi! This message starts with a disclaimer... I'm a) new to sharing my feelings on line b) not one for asking for sympathy and c) not normally miserable..... but it's been suggested that I start a new thread with a little more information about me, in case anyone out there can give me some positive suggestions! So, here goes...
I am 48 and think if I've been peri menopausal for around 10 years or so.  I'm a bit hazy on facts because I had a mirena coil for years which completely stopped my periods.  Great at the time, saved a fortune, but looking back perhaps helped to cause some issues because it wasn't clear what was happening in my body.  I was diagnosed with chorio carcinoma in 97 and told I'd probably have an early menopause, and around 2006 started getting recurrent urine infections. Several operations and years later, including the removal of an ovary (don't ask why, I think it was so my consultant could claim more from bupa), it was suggested that I could be menopausal.  I had patches, the coil and pessaries... but hot flushes etc started getting out of hand so was put on tibolone. 
That's a potted history which has got me here today.
The reason for my post is that I feel dreadful. Hot flushes and palpitations, aside, I just feel so sad.  I feel that my life, as I know and enjoy it, has ended. I have put on 2 kgs per month since starting the hrt and I'm renovating a house... which means I'm not sitting still and am physically active, every day.   I don't eat rubbish and don't feel like I should deserve to have put on a stone in the last 6 months.  Because of that, I feel unattractive, lumpy and just ugly.  I can't think straight. I'm starting a new job soon and am terrified that I won't be able to mentally cope.  I feel like I won't be able to enjoy my life again, that there is no use for me, that I'm worthless. I feel like I have lost 'me' and the new me is someone that I don't like. There just doesn't seem any point to it anymore. 
I know I must sound shallow and ridiculous... after all.. countless women are going through the same, probably have it far worse ... but can it get better? If so, how do others cope?

[CLKD]

It can get better and this is *your* journey - try not to compare yourself with what others tell you, it may not be true.  Some times a person can feel dreadful but not every day, so they forget on their better days, which is why I suggest making a food/mood/symptom diary so that you can chart your feelings. 

Also, how is your diet overall?  Gentle exercise regime?  Hobbies?

How are the urine 'infections'?  Often vaginal atrophy mimics symptoms so do read the various VA threads on here, use the search button for 'my bladder etc.' .......

Thyroid function blood test as well as VitD test can be ordered by your GP/Practice nurse ..... it's The Change and difficult to accept sometimes.

Browse round. Make notes!

[babyjane]

Hi Helen, my experience is mine, it is not like anyone elses.  However saying that, one thing that seems to link all our meno experiences is that you are usually in it for the long haul, there is no quick fix. Even successful use of HRT seems to take quite a while to establish.

I had more or less got used to my symptoms over about 6 or 7 years and learned to manage it all.  Three years ago things started to change a bit here and a bit there and, looking back, things have improved considerably in the past year.  However this is after a bumpy ride of about nine years in all. So yes, it does get better but I reckon some women could lose around a decade to the menopause.

Of course there are women who claim to sail through with no symptoms but I haven't met any yet 

[Tempest]

Hi, Helen.

I feel exactly as you do. I never really felt good on estrogen only so I'm about to give it one last stab via a private consultant to add testosterone to my HRT  (I just couldn't get access to it via the NHS despite the guidelines and my oopherectomy). I'm hoping it's the 'missing link' but to be honest I'm being very cautiously optimistic.

It's crap this whole meno. business, isn't it? I'm beyond done with it. My God, us women are just amazing that we survive this stuff (and some days I question my ability to hang on day by day). Whoever said women were the weaker sex needs a mighty kick in the goolies, as it was OBVIOUSLY a man. They have no idea.

Much love to you,

Tempest xxxxx

[DaisyB]

Helen - left you wee message on your first post also. Firstly I am a total newbie to forums ( hence some cock-ups since I joined last month  ) secondly I considered myself strong,resilient, a hard working woman - married at 19 first baby at 19 - first time at uni at 32 - struggled financially etc etc got myself a decent job by 40 and then an even better job - thought I'd cracked it and felt tremendously proud of myself and then CRASH!!!
I totally understand where you are at right now, because I am there also. I say it nearly every time I post here , but these girls have saved me from a black black hole.
My mind and body I dont recognise. I look at other women with their confidence and compare myself - then I take a virtual stick and beat the hell out of myself for being such a failure.......and then I stop and take a breath - and the girls here remind me that it is normal to feel this way, that what you are feeling isn't always reality. And that if it was your best friend going through it would you be saying the same things to her?? I am sending you some love and kindness tonight. You will be ok but you will have to fight to get there


DaisyB xx

[babyjane]

I look at other women with their confidence and compare myself - then I take a virtual stick and beat the hell out of myself for being such a failure

So easy to do but try not to if you can.  Other people will not see you as you see yourself and those women you compare yourself unfavourable with, well you only see their public persona, you don't see them at home on a bad day when they are not coping.  They may even post on this forum, you wouldn't know would you 

[CLKD]

Oh do put the stick down!  Live in the moment?  I look no further than half a day at a time.  It's when I see that woman in the shop window  that I even consider what I look like  and as others are used to how I look, it's only ever a shock to me  .

Did you begin your new job yet?  Dress appropriately of course but do dress for comfort.  Wear what you feel best in ;-).

[Hurdity]

Hi Helen36

Sorry to hear about your woes. If you have been taking Tibolone for 6 months and your flushes have not abated and you have put on a lot of weight then I do suggest you try a different type of HRT. Do you still have the Mirena coil as well? If you were happy with this then I would suggest you get another one fitted and then you will be able to add oestrogen only - as patches or gel - then this should sort out your flushes, low mood and then you can start losing weight, provided you do not have other problems like thyroid function as CLKD mentioned. Tibolone is usually prescribed for post-menopausal women with low libido but what's the use of libido if you are feeling fat and miserable? I can completely understand how you feel because whenever I put on a few pounds I feel unattractive and lumpy so make sure I lose it again pretty quickly. So important for your self esteem!

I have used HRT for 10 years and am in my 60's and manage to keep fairly slim (always a struggle though) - and my moods are rarely low since the oestrogen levels keep things ticking along.

Please do make an appointment with your doctor, firstly for blood tests to rule out other conditions and then if you want to, to try a change in HRT as I suggested above?

Hurdity x

[Suzi Q]

Hi! This message starts with a disclaimer... I'm a) new to sharing my feelings on line b) not one for asking for sympathy and c) not normally miserable..... but it's been suggested that I start a new thread with a little more information about me, in case anyone out there can give me some positive suggestions! So, here goes...
I am 48 and think if I've been peri menopausal for around 10 years or so.  I'm a bit hazy on facts because I had a mirena coil for years which completely stopped my periods.  Great at the time, saved a fortune, but looking back perhaps helped to cause some issues because it wasn't clear what was happening in my body.  I was diagnosed with chorio carcinoma in 97 and told I'd probably have an early menopause, and around 2006 started getting recurrent urine infections. Several operations and years later, including the removal of an ovary (don't ask why, I think it was so my consultant could claim more from bupa), it was suggested that I could be menopausal.  I had patches, the coil and pessaries... but hot flushes etc started getting out of hand so was put on tibolone. 
That's a potted history which has got me here today.
The reason for my post is that I feel dreadful. Hot flushes and palpitations, aside, I just feel so sad.  I feel that my life, as I know and enjoy it, has ended. I have put on 2 kgs per month since starting the hrt and I'm renovating a house... which means I'm not sitting still and am physically active, every day.   I don't eat rubbish and don't feel like I should deserve to have put on a stone in the last 6 months.  Because of that, I feel unattractive, lumpy and just ugly.  I can't think straight. I'm starting a new job soon and am terrified that I won't be able to mentally cope.  I feel like I won't be able to enjoy my life again, that there is no use for me, that I'm worthless. I feel like I have lost 'me' and the new me is someone that I don't like. There just doesn't seem any point to it anymore. 
I know I must sound shallow and ridiculous... after all.. countless women are going through the same, probably have it far worse ... but can it get better? If so, how do others cope?

Oh sweetie join the club. Your not alone weve all felt crap oh im no good lifes 9ver etc etc
You will find you again you just cant see that now but you will.
Your not shallow nor fat jor lumpy or ugly the old saying if you feel bad you look bad isn't true. You think you look 100 times worse than you do cos you feel 100 times worse.
Talking helps not thinking too far ahead. The new job if you convince yourself you cant cope then you wont. See the job as a new opportunity yes it will be difficult learning new things meeting new people but try to see it as a positive not a negative thing.
Hrt seems to make some people have weight issues but if it helps with meno then surly its worth it. The palps can be dealt asap with beta blocas they also stop the dread feeling
Its worth finding someone to talk to plus get a new medical maybe hrt your on isnt right

[Katia]

I've blown up,with it too. Is it weight, or fluid?  If it's fluid it may go with a change of HRT. As Hurdity said stick with the Mirena if it works for you and then you only have the estrogen part to figure out.

Feeling overly critical about ourselves should be added to the list of menopause symptoms    I think I tick every one lol

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

Katia -  Your comment reminded me that my meno book ( quoted extensively elsewhere ) mentions self reproach as a symptom so you're spot on!

Wishing everyone well.

K.

[CaroleM]

Helen,

Hold your hand out and I will hold it.  You are an amazing, secure, strong lady.  Don't laugh, I know just how you feel, but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel even if it feels beyond reach at present.  Learn to love yourself.  After finding this mm site very recently, already I am feeling stronger and beginning to realize that I can take charge of my life again.  Give yourself time, love and eventually you will get through this.

Love,
Carole

[daisysareyellow]

Hi Helen,
I am living testament to the saying that things can get better. I developed the most severe menstrual migraines in my early 40's, so severe that I ended up at a neurologist after one migraine that left me wanting to end my life. I was put on Topamax and it pretty much saved my life. I went back to school and got an Early Learning certificate and now work with children. However, during my studies, I started to get the urge to urinate 24 hours a day, the urge never left me. I underwent every test under the sun and they all came back negative. I was exhausted because I was having to get up every night to wee and I was constantly on the toilet. No doctor could help me. Eventually I found a GP who referred me to a urologist who specialised in a conditioned called Interstitial Cystitis. This doctor did a cystoscopy and found the ulceration in my bladder that only 10% of sufferers have, so luckily I had the physical manifestations of the illness and my diagnosis was made after 5 years!!!!!!! I was put on a drug called Elmiron which I still take twice a day and I now live completely normally. The main side effect of Elmiron is IBS, but that is completely manageable compared to IC . I have been where you are. I have been in a place where I felt that I would never feel well. I made a decision to treat each day as a new day and just take it as it came. Life is good for me I have a great husband and a great son who have been really supportive through my medical issues. My advice is to be very persistent with your doctors. I knew there was something wrong and I did not stop until a) I knew what it was and b) I had treatment for it. I was told by one older doctor that "there is nothing more I can do for you". Yes there was actually, he could have referred to a urologist and he didn't.