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[Elliemay]

Hi, again, you've all been really helpful on here.  6 years post menopause. Ive been struggling with depression for most of them and had no treatment for it. i keep trying to drag myself out of it and it's awful. most of the time i feel hot & feverish with baseline anxiety and all of a sudden my mood will drop to really dark depressed. I've not slept well in all that time and usually wake with strong panic or depressed mood.

as some of you know i have a medication phobia caused by an awful reaction to anti-ds 20 years ago.it is a really stubborn phobia. I did manage last year to get one appointment with a psychiatrist, who said he wouldnt like to put me on anti-ds as i would appear to be sensitive. This has reinforced the phobia, so when GP suggests them, I'm terrified. Got in to a pattern of going there feeling dreadful, going away with a prescription for citalopram and being unable to even try it.

I've been offered propanolol for anxiety...scared of them
Amitriptyline for nerve pain...too scared to take it, ive heard of bad withdrawals even at low doses plus weight gain seems common and i cant afford to put any more on. makes sense to take it occasionally for sleep and nerve pain but again, the phobia makes it impossible to even try the tablet, even liquid form wouldnt work. I cant even drink alcohol because of triggering panic.

so i went to a herbalist who started me off on a mild blend of calming herbs, I seem to have improved a little but still getting major panic, trembling and depression.

so he has made the blend stronger and added st johns wort. It is a sensible thing to do as it is also oestrogenic but ive had the blend for a week, untouched and the phobia has ramped up and im scared to take that now, because of its action on serotonin.

has anyone else managed to bypass such a phobia? I'm sure that if i could get over the initial hurdle of trying something, it would be ok. But i have no support.

I'm on the waiting list for more cbt but to be honest im doing cbt constntly and getting a bit fed up of feeling the same
I haven't tried HRT yet and am wondering whether that may be the way to go.

I know that some of the depression is a reaction to feeling physically unwell for so long but i also think it is hormone related because i was put through a chemical menopause for 6 months over 20 years ago, (zoladex for Endo) i used to get a pain near the left ovary and along with it the awful depressed mood.

Can anyone think of a way around this for me, i feel terrible. Have to go to work & be sparkly and extrovert later too.. 

[Annie0710]

Hopefully Tempest will read your post.  She's really knowledgeable or you could drop her a private message.  She was talking the other day about SNRI and SSRIs.  There must be a more sensitive one plus maybe if you started by scraping snippets of a tablet to try and then increasing ever so gently ?

I really feel for you x

[Elliemay]

Aw thank you Annie, that's nice to know xxx

[Maryjane]

Feel more or less the same ( pain also ) and wonder if it's times to give in , but I am such a light weight with drugs .

[peri]

Hi Elliemay it's known that low oestrogen can lead to anxiety and depression in some women.  That's why many take it (me included) because we need a certain level of oestrogen to function properly.  I would definitely give it a go if I were you. And remember hrt is not a drug, it is simply replacing what the body is no longer making anymore.  The patches and gels are the new generation hrt and are very good, they have less side effects as they do not go through your liver.  Once you are feeling better you might be able to the the blend your herbalist made you also.

Wishing you well and keep us informed of your progress x

[Elliemay]

Thank you :-)

Is there a new hrt that isnt obtained from an equine source do you know?
Oh noo Maryjane, sorry you feel this way too

I really do think this phobia has become like a catch 22 and it will just take a leap of faith to break the cycle. I've been feeling despondent for years thinking i was wasting the GPs time even going, but then i realised that the meds phobia is an actual "condition" in itself and worthy of at least empathy from a GP. it is just not taken seriously by them. I mentioned in here that a male GP actually looked away from me and threw a prescription for citalopram at me, effectively dismissing me from his room, snapping "take one today and get yourself out of this cycle of anxiety YOUVE got yourself into"

it was actually a tablet prescribed by a GP that "Got me into" it! He made me feel so bad i could have gone under if i had been just a couple of rungs down the ladder. i hope he doesnt treat everyone in distress that way.  You wouldn't say to an annorexic person "just eat this fry up and get yourself out of it"

[TinaOptimist]

I have put message on the other thread for you but Annie's suggestion of just snippets of drug is a good one. I cut my amitriptyline into tiny pieces so I felt in control. I can't speak for others and I was fearful but I never became dependant on it and have come off it again as I got to grips with my anxiety. it really did help and the sleep I got after nights of none was amazing.

Maybe make a list of all the things that you have read that might be helpful. Put them in order of preference and a reasonable timescale to give each time to work. Work down the list crossing them off as you try each one for the allotted time but don't overthink the downside  After all they have been useful to other people or you wouldn't have read about them.
Everything can be bad for you even laughter- if you do it non-stop  Just think about how important getting better is to you. Nothing is more important than that, is it! 

[Maryjane]

I'm on HRT not equine , it's only the out  of date GPs who still prescribe.

I had horses so nothing beginning with Pre basciallly.

The best way is systemic route via patch or gel , if you have a womb you will need a from of progesterone/ utrogesterone .

[Maryjane]

Re your arrogant GP , I had one at the beginning of my Pudendal stuff , I reported him to the practice manager hubby and I went together.

What wa said to me , I could have easily jumped in front of a train , I was at my lowest point ever and he made me feel S€%Â¥ 😡

I complained through tears / snot and dribble .....but it's on my notes that I won't see him again.

[GrapesOfWrath]

I've had a medication phobia after reacting badly to antidepressants as a teen. The one that worked wonders then and now is Zoloft. It seems to gel with my hormonal imbalance.
Taking a sliver of a pill does sound like a good idea.
The estrogen patch is the easiest route. Your liver doesn't have to metabolize a pill.

 I'm so sorry to hear you had such an insensitive GP.

[CLKD]

I haven't read all the responses but would say that if you have a phobia, NO WAY should you try something from a herbalist.  That is simply CRAZY!!! your GP is able to prescribe drugs that have known side effects from Companies that have to undergo stringent testing B4 NICE will even consider putting drugs on to the open market.  Your GP did not 'get you into anything'!  He prescribed what he/she considered necessary in order to ease your symptoms.  Sometimes medication: across the board: can cause side-effects not expected. 

Herbaslists are un-registered  - I don't understand your thinking at all.  I've been phobic since the age of 3  and it controls everything I do, everywhere I gone everything I put into my gob.  What exactly is in the 'stuff' he has suggested that you take, did you have to pay for it?  If herbals worked, they would be available on the NHS!

It is known that currently, donkey skins are being used in many herbal preparations  talk about getting what one pays for.  So I would throw that you have been taking into the bin PRONTO ?!?!?

I have had NO problems with Propranolol which has been a Life-saver, nor anti-depressant medication.  Which I have to take for Life.  It isn't a cure for me and occasionally I feel very tired or hung-over in my head and if I miss a dose a bit queasy but I recognise what is causing the feelings. 

[Elliemay]

He is a registered medical herbalist & it is St John's Wort

[CLKD]

  ........ and?  you prefer to take something that is un-regulated by NICE or your GP but you are scared to take something that has been tested?  St John's Wort has to be regulated too.  It shouldn't be taken with anything else ....... in mainland Europe it was banned for several years until guidelines had been re-adjusted. 

Registered with whom exactly?  Some care-homes are resisted with the Local Authority but have been closed down because of neglect  [slight meander but 'registered' don't mean a lot in some instances]

[Elliemay]

Registered with the National Institute of Medical Herbalists. i saw one when i first went into meno and she got me through a lot of it, but she has now retired. A lot of drugs are direct copies of herbs but cannot be patented by drug companies. Ive always been wary of SJW because it acts upon serotonin, as did the drug that caused all the problems. The retired herbalist wanted to use it but i resisted that time.

GPs dish this other stuff out but if it all goes wrong, you are on your own.

[CLKD]

No you aren't on your own!  There are ways of reporting side effects to the Drug Companies, the GPs should do so and ask the patients to fix in a yellow card.  I have never felt on my own with bad side effects and I have had plenty  including walking on 7" soles and worrying about putting my feet down ..... that was Seroxat  .  Why 7"  I never discovered .
 
Can you explain why drug companies cannot 'patent' herbs?  A National Institute doesn't mean that the stuff is regulated nor is it safe.  I saw a herbalist in the 1990s and was OK with what I was being told until he told me not to drink coffee nor eat peppermint sweets or use peppermint toothpaste with what he was mixing .......  but he was unable to explain why not!

Can you explain why you are 'phobic' about taking prescribed medications but not worried by taking a 'mix' that you have no idea what is actually in it and which has never been 'proven' in double blind peer reviewed studies?