thanks for the replies, well done jorainbow for trying them too. i would have a real problem physically taking any tablet, it's so annoying. My GP actually did prescribe escitalopram which is better for the liver seemingly but i ripped the prescription up because he was so nasty! (i had actually gone about a trapped nerve that is very real, he told me to google health anxiety, take the tablets & sort it out...) Grrrr...
Ive had untreated depression for years really, always believing i can drag myself out of it, but if im honest ive hardly been able to get out of the door all winter and have had to make a huge effort for my part time work for which i have to be quite extrovert. the thing that scares me is that last year, I did manage to get an psych appointment (after asking for 20 years) and only then because i flagged up on the questionnaire as having ADHD! However the Psychologist said he thought it was an anxiety disorder that ive had since childhood that was causing the inability to concentrate. i occasionally get mild hyper moods, and agitation.i know that a lot of ADs can increase this and i dont want to have an episode that sets me back. The psych said he wouldnt like to medicate me as he believes im sensitive to it. so then i get an arsey GP literally throwing a perscription at me without looking at me, who am supposed to believe? :-/
Re the hormone connection, I know it's related to meno because i had similar dark moods on zoladex for endo 20 years ago but at that time i knew nothing of side effects and was more trusting of GPs in those days!
the phobia is counter productive because it's like telling someone with a fear of heights that the only way they can get rid of it is to jump out of a plane, except they have to do it constantly for the next 24 hours. its such a big flippin' deal but GP doesnt understand that.