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[dulciana]

Hubby and I have just spent nearly 2.5 hours worrying about our daughter.  She had phoned at lunchtime to say things were going wonky at work, and was depressed.  Hubby took the call, as I was out.  He thought he'd ring her again this evening at about 5.30, to see how she was.  No answer.  Texted.....no answer.  And so it went on and on until ten past eight.  We didn't know how she was, where she was, IF she was (in my most scared moments) or anything.    I was eventually tearing my hair out and was wondering how I was going to sleep tonight.  Hubby and I were starting to imagine all sorts of things.  She rang us - eventually, to say her phone was broken and she was using her OH's phone.  She'd only just found out we'd been trying to contact her.   She was quite cross at our fussing, but all we wanted to know was that she was all right.  Our nerves are now in tatters and I've had to have a glass of red wine to calm me down.  But I have to ask.......has anyone else had this sort of thing from their daughters/sons?       

In other words, how do people do when their offspring are living a long way from home, a bit vulnerable and with mobile phones taking precedence over land lines?   Isn't it natural to worry if you can't make contact with them, especially if you sense they're needing a bit of TLC?

[nearly50]

I don't have children and everyone's relationships with family are different. I take it there are underlying issues which made you worry so much?

[Two hoots]

Mobile phones are fantastic for keeping in touch but they cause no end of worry when the person you are calling doesn't answer 

[dulciana]

Yes.  She's very insecure on a number of counts, nearly50, and living far away from us.  Things haven't come together for her yet, in her life.  I can't give her a hug when she needs one and she needed one today.

[dulciana]

Mobile phones are fantastic for keeping in touch but they cause no end of worry when the person you are calling doesn't answer 

You're so right, Two hoots.

[CLKD]

 

I get this from my Mother.  She'll moan and groan about stuff leaving me worrying throughout the night, then when I ask how stuff is, "Oh that's sorted".  But she NEVER thinks to tell me ........

Now that you and your husband have relaxed ...... I would be cross after such a phone call that a) your daughter hadn't told you that the 'phone was broken  and b) that she hand't given you another number for contact and c) she's a Big Girl now with an OH.  Next time ask "How worried do your father and I need to be?"

[Scampi]

Asking 'how worried do we need to be' would make no difference to how worried I would be!  My daughter is 24 with a job and a partner, but if I sense she's not happy about something I worry until I can chat to her properly (which isn't always easy as she works shifts, so much of the time we communicate by text).  For most parents, it's just what we do.  It is hard sometimes when children 'grow up' and leave home - and I genuinely think I will never stop worrying about my daughter.  I know my mum still worries about me sometimes, in her more lucid moments.

Dulciana - I'm glad your daughter is ok.  I completely understand why you were so worried.  Maybe you could gently explain it to your daughter next time you can talk properly (I did it with mine a while ago) - explain to her how much you value the fact she feels she can tell you when she's down, and how important it is to keep that relationship, but also how worried you were when you couldn't contact her.  She needs to realise that the fact she CAN tell you when all is not well means you care enough to be worried, and you deserve some consideration too.

[cubagirl]

Glad to hear your daughter is ok.  Our kids sometimes don't get it.  However, no matter their age we cannot stop ourselves from worrying. Until they have kids of their own, then it clicks. 

[Maryjane]

We have three daughters one who lives in New Zealand , two of my daughters holiday in places that are worrying.

I always go on the " no news is good news " scenario .

If I am worried , I ring them once text once and leave it at that.

Doesn't mean I don't worry the same , but over the years I would of had so many " what if" moments if I had let my mind wonder.

[Ju Ju]

When my daughter was a baby, I was told that being a parent meant worrying. She was right.

When my children were late home, I had them dead and buried in my mind. When my son struggled at school, I worried. When my daughter was very unhappy at uni, I worried. Now my son lives in the USA and they have 2 feet of snow and much higher where it drifts, l worry because he has to be out and about in it.

My elderly parents worry about me. I find myself irritated, so I understand my children getting irritated with me!

It's our job as parents to worry because that comes with loving and caring. It is difficult for for children to understand that. How about a gentle chat with your daughter explaining that being worried comes with the job of being a loving parent and that when she has need to offload onto you, then it is considerate to let you know how things are later on?

As to mobile phones! Ok if you carry them around, but left in your bag or somewhere you can't hear them, a nightmare and if you haven't a landline........! Trying to get into contact with some of my clients to do with the charity I volunteer with drives me nuts! Many people don't have landlines these days.

[CLKD]

I worry if Himself is late when he's out and about  and I think that Mum worries about him but never me, because she knows that he looks after me. 

I agree Scampi 

[Elizabethrose]

Hi dulciana

I'm hugely sympathetic, we have a similar problem with ours. My son, very like me, openly externalises, offloading all his worries and woes then skips off happy as a sand boy!

Our daughter lives in France and is utterly impossible to get hold of. She has a French phone contract, cheap as chips, which doesn't allow her to ring or text outside of France. To stop herself answering constant Facebook messages she now carries an antiquated phone that doesn't have email or whatsapp, so the only way we can get hold of her is if she checks her emails in the evening. She is like the Scarlet Pimpernel!

We were visiting her last weekend, arrived home on Monday night. Tuesday night we'd just settled down to watch iPlayer when the phone rang. Young female on the phone weeping, sounded like my daughter, "Oh mum I'm so sorry, I need to come home, I'm so sorry mum, I think I've got aids" !!!!! I was desperately trying to calm her down, telling her I'd jump on a train and get out to her, not to worry etc etc then the phone went dead. 

I rang her phone, engaged: we were running round the house trying to find a way to contact her, calling her boyfriend (engaged!). Suddenly the phone rang again, same girl, now calm, apologising for ringing the wrong number! OMG, the girl got such a grilling, I'd decided that it was a hoax call as there was a bit of giggling in the background and she received the mother of all lectures! At the end I said that if she truly had aids I wished her well and advised her to get home to her parents immediately.

We sat down shell shocked with the adrenaline coursing!

[dulciana]

Good grief, Elizabethrose!   Shell-shocking indeed! 

Our daughter phoned us his evening, gave her Dad a bollicking (his words) and texted a sharp ticking-off to me for worrying about her.  I didn't respond as she would have liked - I just told her that it was a parent thing (text one) and to her second text, I just put four kisses and deliberately not rising to her bait.  She had nothing to retort back at and as far as I know, things have settled down for the evening.   I can understand that our fussing must have been annoying to her, but she also needs to understand that with such a great distance between us, there are times when we need to know she is okay.  However, she's just texted a bit of an olive branch to me, so I think things are settling down.  Phew!

[cubagirl]

Oh ER how awful for you! I'd want to strangle whoever phoned you. Gave you needless worry. Jeez being a parent is stressful enough. You ride through all their highs & lows, no matter their age.

[dulciana]

I've just had a sweet text from her.  All is okay again.