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[CLKD]

Years ago when Himself was awarded his Doctorate I mentioned to his parents that he 'has been Doctored' and the retort from his father, quite un-expectedly, was "I hope you never say that for real!".  Too late I'd been 'done' 

[Ju Ju]

 

[dulciana]

Good coincidence, CLKD! Just after my Dad had got his own Doctorate, one of my Mum's pupils asked if he had been "doctored", too!   

[CLKD]

  ........ I never discussed with his parents that we weren't having children, it was decided upon B4 we were engaged.  His brother/wife didn't have any either, probably a huge disappointment for his Dad who had survived Jap Prisoner of War Camp and probably thought that after all that, he ought to have had grandkids. 

Responsibility makes me ill ....... so it's good that I made my decision as early as 8 years old.

[flutterby]

Never really made a conscious decision not to have children but once using contraception, involved with a demanding job, looking after Mother and then Aunt with dementia, time passed.
Don't really regret it as I envisage we probably would have struggled in more ways than one.

[sparklyweirdo]

I have been pretty lucky lately not to have so many people asking me when I am planning on having kids as I can't have them due to the early menopause although there may be like tiny tiny chance it may happen out of blue in the future but I doubt it as the odds are not that great.
I still haven't decided on what my responses will be if I do get asked cos it is something that I dont want the whole world to know but at the same time I dont want to be badgered.
My sister decided a long time ago that she didnt want kids at all, due to her being terrified at the thought of the pregnancy and the fact she may pass on depression/anxiety as it runs in the family through my mum's side. Everyone kept asking her when she will have kids, she got so annoyed at it. Lucky her husband already have a child by his ex-gf so he was completely fine with my sister not wanting kids.
I think people need to be more respectful about what a person choose to do ie not wanting kids, or not wanting marriage or not wanting to do the whole "normal" things. Life is about embracing the difference in people/things.

[CLKD]

One of my reasons for remaining childless is a history of obsessions and mental health issues.

[flutterby]

Hi Sparkly it would be easy if you could just say it's something that is not up for discussion. But I feel you would be like me not wanting to upset anyone. I agree we need to be respectful of personal choices.
A couple of months ago my friend and I were in a taxi and the woman driver asked about our children ( my friend has two) when she found out I hadn't got any there was a few quite probing questions. My friend was mortified and afterwards said I have known you nearly 60 years and would never ask you.
Flutterbyx

[CLKD]

I would tell people that I didn't want to continue with the genetic defects 

[sparklyweirdo]

Hi Flutterby,  Yeah I could say that it isnt up for discussion. Yes I dont like to upset people, that is one of my problems. One person asked me few months ago when I was going to have kids, I just said oh we not in the right situation as too much going on but afterwards I felt bad cos it isn't true. It is very hard to get it right as you end up lying or they end up quizzing you.

[Menomale]

I stopped wanting kids when I was 14 years old and realized what a pregnancy and a mother's life meant. I was terrified. Maybe that is just an Asperger's trait but I suspect that seeing my mother taking care of 4 children, working as a nurse and having to clean, wash, iron, cook for a non cooperative husband has contributed.
I had to put up with all sorts of questions, comments and remarks on this subject but now people have finally realized that I'm too old for that. And some have even touched the subject again just to tell me that I was right.
Once I worked in a lab where one of the PhD students worked with in vitro fertilization and she would comment on the high costs of the treatment and I coud never understand why a couple would spent that amount to have a child instead of adopting. I suppose hormones have a role in these matters.

[Dorothy]

Someone asked me again this week if I had kids and when I said no, they said "Lucky you, wish I'd been that sensible".

I'm sure they were meaning to be kind/helpful by implying I wasn't missing out.  But I think it is one of the WORST things you can say to someone who doesn't have children.  EVERY time someone says something like this to me, I feel like shaking them till their teeth rattle       I know having children isn't some perfect dream-world where everything goes right, but implying you'd rather not have had your children or that childless people are the fortunate ones (especially to someone who never had the choice) is incredibly ungrateful, rude and insensitive.

Rant over...

[Ju Ju]

My DD has been very fortunate to have our GS, who she loves absolutely and is enjoying being a Mum, but she has no wish to have any more children. She says that it's like a switch has gone off. So why is her decision not to have anymore children questioned? Either to her or to me. The temptation is to fend off people by listing the practical reasons ( finance, difficult pregnancy, traumatic labour) which are all valid, but as my daughter has said, she would find a way through all that if she wanted more children. Why does her choice need to be qualified? A suggestion was made that it wasn't fair to our GS not to have siblings and questioning whether she likes being a parent! Why is it anybody else's business? Why do others feel the need to be judgemental? I'm glad my DD doesn't take any nonsense.

[CLKD]

I wonder which age group is posing the question/s?

It was the same when I told people I didn't smoke - discussion made, acceptance taken.  If anyone pushed about the 'why don't you ' my explanation was that I didn't want to pay the Government any more tax than necessary  : with the child question it was 'genetics make it unwise' ..........

[CLKD]

I made my decision at age 8.
I never regretted it.
In my 30s I realised that I would not have made a good parent due to severe anxiety ......
I love hearing kids laughing with parents/siblings or playing in the school yard, I love seeing a line of Terry toweling nappies blowing in the breeze 
I admire anyone who dares to have a child, so much can go wrong from day 0