Just want to send some love, Justjules. I've been in states before where I was sure something was terribly wrong and even seeking medical help that they wouldn't figure out the problem until they perform an autopsy. It's exhausting and depressing when you just don't feel well. I suppose I reached my limit and something snapped in my mind because one day I just quit worrying about it. I used to be overly cautious, afraid of everything really, heights, motorcycles, terrorists, etc, everything was unsafe. Thank you, modern society with death and destruction everywhere. When my own body started acting up, I realized this slow dying is miserable and I may as well have some fun. I can't tell you how I got to the state of mind to relax about it. It helps to look at other people who have survived cancer, loss of limbs, strokes, etc and see them still being active and enjoying life. Often times they're living more fully than I am in my generally good health. I figure they must have gone through a spell when they didn't believe they'd make it either and probably wondered what's the point, but they survived and moved past it! Personally, I let my physical ailments get in the way too much. I thought I could only do things if I was feeling better. Then I thought "F**k it! If I'm going to feel awful anyway I may as well not let it stop me from living". So basically, ignoring the illnesses and aches and carrying on. I've rambled here and I'm sure it reads like I'm crazy, but I think I can relate. Big hugs to you!
