Ladies, would welcome your thoughts on a bit of a dilemma, sorry it's not exactly a 'health' issue, but it soon becomes one for me as I get so upset and stressed about it no matter how hard I try not to.
Basically, I've not got much of a relationship with my daughter at the moment for one reason or another. She lives nearby, been divorced 3 years, has had a new relationship for about the same time, nice guy. We used to spend a lot of time with her and her ex-husband and my grandchildren, holidays etc and so we've had to adapt to her new life and are glad to see her happy but it's meant we have had to take a back seat, which is natural, and even though I've not been happy with some of the things she's done along the way, I appreciate it's nothing to do with me so I've kept quiet (I.e. goes away every school holiday (he's a teacher) for a city break abroad without the children and has a 10 day holiday abroad without them as well) which I think isn't fair to the children. They don't get one unless they go with their Dad.
She's a very selfish girl, only really thinks of herself most of the time, and lacks total empathy. She was no support whatsoever during my breakdown and thinks it's all in my mind and just leaves me to get on with it and has been quite nasty sometimes about it. I appreciate I've been a pain in the proverbial at times when my HA was really bad but don't consider it right to just be abandoned over it. The boys were really good. She never goes to see my Mum (only went once when she first started seeing the boyfriend to borrow £500 for her first city break away and has never mentioned it to my Mum again and hasn't paid it back). My Mum gets really upset about it so that upsets me. She only works 3 days so she has time to go and see her even though it's 30 mins away.
Anyway, the crux of the matter is the dreaded 'Christmas' word.....I know things have to change but it appears we are now to get completely side-lined once again this year in favour of her just doing exactly what she wants without a care for anyone else. Kids are going to their Dad's again for Christmas lunch, so she's off to the boyfriend's Mum's again and we will probably see them for Boxing night and not sure about Christmas Eve as I wasn't well last year and she'd caused all sorts of stress beforehand I didn't exactly fuss around everyone and I suppose I will be paying the price for it this year as I doubt they will want to come. She never does anything at hers for Christmas but just does the rounds of whoever is cooking etc.
I know it sounds really petty but I'm already getting really upset about it all. She and the children used to rave about my Christmas dinner and all the traditions etc and hate going anywhere else but now dismisses them as 'just a dinner' and that they are not bothered. Plus, my Mum is 85 and not in good health so is also upset with her attitude to everything, especially me. I know traditions have to change but he still goes to his Mum and Dad's every year.
The last thing I want is a row with her. I couldn't cope with the upset and anxiety it would cause me so I guess it's just a case of biting my tongue and putting up with it again. This is going to sound awful, so forgive me because I love my Mother to the moon and back, but now at our age, it looks like our Christmases will just consist of the elderly, poorly relations and I absolutely dread it and I hate myself for feeling like that as one day they won't be there. From now until Christmas isn't my best time of year unfortunately. I hate Christmas more and more each year and it makes me ill every time, just like it did when I was a child.
Sorry for the rant, I just need to get it off my chest and when I read it back, it looks like I'm a miserable cow and a right whinger!!! Everybody says leave her to get on with it but it eats at me and I'm dreaming of it lately which is ridiculous!