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[booboo]

One week I can almost feel normal - as in not thinking bad/negative thoughts all the time, always fearing some health issue & going back over things in the past ...Then it all comes again and I get into a cycle of anxiety and fearing all bad things ...will be 55 this year and just sometimes struggle to see any future ..

[CLKD]

There is a future.  You are in good company.  Hormones can cause all kinds of insecurities, aches and pains  .

Keeping a mood/food diary might be useful.  How are your periods?

[booboo]

I had a hysterectomy 18 months ago Ckld - so no more periods ..Hoped the mental stuff would get better, but think its got worse in ways

[booboo]

Hi Sparkle
I am just the same - I can be ok and even rational & then someone/something will spark off the negative thoughts re health ...I feel like I am always anticipating bad stuff and the worst scenarios and worry myself silly..

[booboo]

Sparkle - Yes!! I liken it to a form of ocd in my case too - and I found myself missing out on life because I feel so bad ..
Despite having cbt - I cant seem to stop it ..

[babyjane]

Oh booboo thank you for this thread.  I have had three good weeks of feeling on top of things.  Just before the weekend the flushes returned, milder and less frequent admittedly but still creeping in there and my mind is churning again.

I started to worry that my medication is not working so well and I will have to increase it but that is not the case.  I know it is a hormone cycle, even now, long after I finished having any sort of cycle.  The hormones are still there and still fluctuating, I am sure of it, but at a reduced level.

Thank you ladies for your posts, I feel better already.

Despite having cbt - I cant seem to stop it ..

I completely agree with this booboo.

[CLKD]

CBT didn't address the physicality of it all 

[Dyan]

Hi booboo,
I can relate to how you are feeling especially the OCD bit.
I was diagnosed with it 12 years ago( had it most of my life) but didn't know what it was.
My OCD is negative intrusive thoughts and when I get into what I call an episode I get the anxiety and depression with it. I am going through 'an episode' now. My mirena (progesterone part of my hrt) needs changing and my GP said that I'm showing symptoms of it running out.
He also found I have got a urinery infection so can't have a new one until infection has gone so have AB to take.
When my hormones are not in balance it can affect my OCD tendencies.

[babyjane]

OCD is a hard taskmaster as you will know Dyan.  I have never been diagnosed but I know I have it.

When I was younger I had the 'checking' OCD as a response to the stress of my dysfunctional childhood.  As I got older I developed the 'neatness' and cleanliness OCD.  Now in later life I am also troubled with intrusive thoughts and sometimes the same thoughts playing on a loop.

Its never been diagnosed because I always kept it secret and didn't think anything of it until it started being more talked about more recently and I recognised myself.

[booboo]

Dyan - BabyJane  that's how it goes with me too - negative/intrusive thoughts then the anx/depression follows and I cant just shake it off, almost like it needs to play itself out .. I have never been diagnosed as having OCD - but I ruminate and overthink things & I think ruminating is a mental form of OCD . All I know is that its hellish..

[Dyan]

Now I know what I have,I think back to when I was a child and the obsessive behaviour I had then,now it all makes sense. As I got into my teenage years I thought I was going mad. Suffered terrible anxiety & depression. Nobody knew then what it was.up until 12 years ago I was always treated for depression so never on the right type or proper dosage for OCD.
Now I'm on the correct meds. I will always have the OCD and it flares up if I get stressed, hormones or if something bad happens in my life.
I have learnt through reading books, having CBT, and knowing what it is,I am able to manage it,BUT it is still very, very hard when I go through it.
I was lucky that we could afford for me to go private to get a diagnosis when I had a breakdown. If not I don't know what would have happened

[Justjules]

I think this is never going to go away at the moment, can't see an end to all this at all. This is the longest spell I have had and it's not getting easier even with the Citalopram. Increased this last week to 20mg but so far has made my anxiety worse. I dread the mornings, but even this damn shaking and internal angst won't stop. Had a couple of panic attacks at work today but managed to calm myself down a bit but then resorted to 2mg of diazepam.  This has been since January now and it's getting me down. My mum is coming for the weekend and she's just asked me how I am and said "well I hope you're not going to be like it at the weekend" so no pressure there then....even my lovely supportive mum is running out of patience.  A few people, especially a friend, at work have been totally unsupportive or sympathetic then hubby keeps saying "hope you're going to be going on this holiday" (June).....more pressure to be better.  Why doesn't anybody understand what hell this is on a daily basis and we haven't got an 'off' switch!!! 

[Dyan]

Justjules-
I understand totally how you are feeling.
The thing with ADs is they can make you worse before you get better. That's when people give up on them. My GP told me years ago when I told him I was getting worse on the meds.
It is hard for others to understand especially if they've never gone through it themselves.
My DH tries to understand but it's impossible for him to do anything to help me.
I have been so deep in the black hole and anxiety buzzing but I have always got through even though at the time I thought I never would.
Can't remember how long you've been on Ads? X

[Justjules]

I know Dyan, sometimes you just feel like you are in this totally alone.

I have been on Citalopram since end of March.....10mg now 20mg for a week. Was on them for 15 years before having a break last April but then started the slippery slope once autumn sets in and Christmas. I always took BBs with them so that's the big difference this time but Dr took me off them as the ones I was on weren't compatible with the Citalopram (after taking them together for 15 years!) but she said nothing wrong with heart and it was a very low dose so shouldn't make any difference but I think it does. This waking at 5:00am with the racing heart and hot flush didn't happen till I stopped the BBs.

[Dyan]

Since March ok. It might seem a long time,but it's not really,for them to get into your system.
Strange that you can't have the BB now after having them before and if they help you.
I had them for panic attacks when I had PND with my middle child. That was the first time I ever went on ADs. Didn't want to take them but GP said I was severely depressed and I wouldn't get better without them. I carried on regardless of how I felt, worse,most of the time,and eventually after a few months I began to see the light. Once I recovered I had never felt so wonderful in my life.

I get the racing heart too when I wake. Been getting it for 3 mornings now and my night sweats have come back too. Waiting to have my mirena changed once this infection is clear.