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[Kazbear]

Hi everyone

I'm new.  53 years old with severe Health Anxiety which has got worse, particularly since my periods stopped at 49.  I am having such bad panic attacks it's untrue.  Started with a bad back which I convinced myself was the Big C.  Went to see our doc in work and burst into tears in the room.  I wrote everything down so that he could see but still burst into tears when I saw him.  He wasn't at all concerned about my back, but did recommend some CBT therapy as he could see I was clearly anxious.  I also saw my own GP about my back, who diagnosed sciatica and recommended physiotherapy.

I've had the most horrendous symptoms; fizzing and numbness in face, arms and legs, feeling nauseous and sick and off my food.  Have seen my GP/his registrar 3 times in a week – his registrar has put me on Sertraline to combat the anxiety – 25mg to start for 2 weeks, then 50mg for 2 weeks after that and go back and see him in a month.  Everytime I write my symptoms down and they are all pointing to anxiety.  In my heart of hearts I know that is what this is, but it doesn't stop me.  I've been waking up every night in a panic.  I'm tired, and I'm waking up my husband as well, who is equally supportive but frustrated in the same measure.  I'm doing the classic, googling, seeking reassurance to the nth degree.  The CBT therapist told me to stay off it but that's fallen by the wayside.  I am seeing her again on Tuesday so will confess my sins.  She's told me to write down a diary and I have got pages of my scribblings – to be honest I think it makes me sound mad.

This morning I got up and my legs literally went from under me and I fell on the floor – frightened the life out of both of us and OH dragged me off to A & E.  Saw a lovely nurse/practitioner who did various tests for neurological things, had ECG, blood pressure, urine test, and confirmed all was well.  He also tested for a serious condition associated with sciatica and confirmed that all was well on that score as well.  Apparently when I went to the loo to do my urine test he spoke to my OH, as I had been a bit teary, who told him what my fears were and he was very reassuring with him.  I said that I had expected (needed?) a brain scan (what??) and he said I was presenting nothing that indicated anything like that was needed.  He spoke at length to me and OH, and was very reassuring.  He said that he couldn't deal with the anxiety, but did say that the CBT and Sertraline would help.

So why when I was lying on the sofa asleep did I wake up with body tingling and fizzing and shaking and face numb and in a blind panic?  I was on my own as OH had gone to a Lodge meeting and wouldn't be in until very late this evening.  I am nearly in tears writing this; feel so shakey and worried, convinced that I should have had scans or something at the  hospital this morning and that I really have something serious.  I can't phone my mum, as she doesn't know what is happening with me at the moment – she is 79 and I don't want to panic her.

I have a lovely life, good job and family and friends who love me, so why can't I accept what I am told?  OH says that some nights he looks at me and I look haunted, and I know I look as though I have aged ten years.  We are going away next weekend to a Lodge Ladies weekend – I am the President's lady and have to make a speech.  We've got friends coming but I am absolutely terrified, convinced I have something serious or terminal and won't be able to go.

OMG I hate this, it's terrifying.  I have never felt so low, and I am afraid of making myself really ill. After a sleepless night, literally, I phoned and spoke to my doctor who had obviously had the report from the hospital.  I explained everything I was worried about and he confirmed that there was nothing I had told him that would indicate that I needed to go anywhere near scans or further tests.  He urged me to continue with the Sertraline, and told me to ring him next week to let him now how I was going on.

Sorry it's so long, but I just needed to tell someone.

[Lizab]

Oh Kazbear, you are not the only one. I am so sorry you're going through this. The anxiety is terrible, isn't it? I have had a time with it myself. I have a theory that when we go through this hormonal change, our bodies don't quite know how to react but and pump out those "fight or flight" hormones in response. How to make it stop? I would like to meet the person with the answer to that!

Now, do you have other bothersome menopause symptoms? Have you considered hormone replacement? I think there are mixed results on how effective hrt is for anxiety. Personally, I'm trying it and while it hasn't solved everything, it seems to be helping. Lots of ladies use therapy approaches like CBT and mindfulness practices. The  antianxiety meds are popular too. It really seems to be a matter of trying a little of this and a little of that, making changes to your diet, exercise, meds, etc until you find balance again. For certain you have come to the right forum. You'll find lots of friends here who can relate and lots of ideas for how to cope.

Welcome!

[Halfpint]

Hi Kazbear,
I understand how you are feeling as I also suffer badly with health anxiety.  Your counsellor is right in that you should really try to stay off Google. I know it's hard as I struggle staying off it myself but I have found since been on this forum and finding lots of women suffering from HA that I have stopped googling as much.

You mention a few times about your lack of sleep. For me, having a bad nights sleep increases my HA which is why since I have been in peri menopause and have a lot of sleepless nights, my anxiety has worsened. I also try to eat well and every few hours as if I eat junk food or have long spells in between meals it makes me worse.

Your counsellor told you to write a diary which is so the next time you have the same Health anxiety symptom, you can look back in your diary and see that nothing untoward happened to you the last time you had that symptom. It's a good idea and I use it myself but I'm quite lazy at keeping it upto date but just to reassure you that one particular symptom I get I have been getting for around 15 years, so it obviously wasn't life threatening like I believed  the first time I experienced it!

I get a lot of tingling but I believe this is a symptom of menopause. However, tingling and numbness are signs of anxiety. I had a lot of tingling today and it's always all down my right hand side. I am normally able to rationalise my anxiety but I had a sleepless night, so of course I started to panic over the tingling and why it was only on the right hand side. Of course, it has abated now (going to work made me panic more) but if I thought about it in a rational manner, I know that I have a problem with my back and with arthritis and with some trapped nerves which is what is causing the tingling, the pain down my leg etc, etc.

I am linking you to a couple of threads by another member who suffers with health anxiety and some similar symptoms to you.

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,31655.0.html
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,31754.0.html

I hope this reassures you and you can see that you are not alone in how you feel. Keep posting.

[Kazbear]

Hi Lizab, thanks for replying.

It's so grim.  I am lucky enough to have a very supportive husband but even he is starting to get frustrated with me.  He did insist that after the A & E episode yesterday, that I took today off and he took the day to be with me. 

I didn't get any sleep last night as everytime I closed my eyes I had a sensation like I was falling and felt nauseous.  I came down and got on the sofa and watched the clock tick round every hour with legs twitching and tummy churning and feeling uncomfortable (I know that could, of course, be the Setraline which I didn't take until just before bed).  As I say, spoke to the doctor who said that he could only reiterate what other doctors have said. 

The trouble is that thankfully I have just trundled along having some hot flushes, but the lack of sleeping - waking up at 3am with panic attacks - the aches and pains, numbness etc have come out of nowhere - terrifying.  Add to that my tummy churning (I do have IBS of old) and my tummy feeling bloated (something sinister of course, nothing like just putting on weight) and I am in such a state.

All the signs are pointing towards health anxiety and the trouble is that I have whipped myself up into an absolute frenzy of anxiety and panic.  I am starting CBT - had one session and she actually banned me from Google including Menopause Matters (!)  Doctor at the hospital and my GP say that the Sertraline and CBT in conjunction will help.

I have always been reluctant to go down the HRT route but I may have to bite the bullet and try it.  This latest episode is the worse by far, and I cannot cope with the prospect of it going on indefinitely.  I will have a chat with my GP.

I have lurked on this forum for a while and it seems so warm and supportive.  It is such a relief to know that I am not alone.

[CLKD]

You get what you pay for with regards GOOGLE! it increases HA and is to be avoided.  How do you think I managed in the 1970s/80s/90s without a computer ?  It was GP or nowt  However, your consellor has no 'right' to ban you from asking at regulated Forums  so 

You had good support at A&E.  LISTEN to what the Nurse told you.  LISTEN to what your GP has told you.  Tests have been done so you have nothing serious.  However.

Anxiety can take over.  It floors me.  Let the medication do it's work, you won't feel better over-night so rest as much as you can.  The best your counsellor can do other than continual reassurance is to teach you relaxation breathing.  Some ladies find Yoga helpful too.

Write out what you have to talk about next week. That's what I did and spoke out loud until all the panic feelings had gone.  It worked for me.  It doesn't have to a long talk does it!  Ask your GP via e-mail this evening for 5mg Valium as it's Bank Holiday to take the night B4 so that you are relaxed!  I would need that even if I wasn't speaking 

You are not alone.  Hormones, life changes, even the weather can cause huge anxiety surges.  Knowing that it's flight or fight and 'perfectly normal' to keep humans safe, has never helped me, the feelings take over.  My GP has given me 40mg Propranolol at night and an emergency drug to take when necessary.  There are ways around easing symptoms.

The fizzing may well be adrenaline surges.  For me it feels like very hot water rushing through my veins and scared me the first couple of times it happened, now I recognise it for what it is and can let it wash over me.

How is your diet in general?  Eating little and often can help ease the surges particularly making sure that you have a light supper and biscuits by the bed.

Little steps!  There are Forums directed at anxiety (No Panic for example).  Browse round.  Ask away.

[Halfpint]

How rude of her telling you to not use Menopause Matters! The cheek of it!

[Kazbear]

Hi Halfpint

Thank you so much for replying with your warm and helpful words (like Lizab).  I do try to be rational, but it goes out of the window doesn't it?   Thank you for the links as well, which I will read.

I can't believe that I never had a wink of sleep last night and I am still buzzing and awake.  Tried to doze on the sofa but that hasn't worked.  OH and I went out for lunch, and I was fuller quicker and of course my mind turned immediately to ovaries (I can't even type what I'm afraid of).  It just all feels so hopeless.

But I will get through this.

[Halfpint]

As soon as you mentioned your stomach bloating I knew you would be thinking about ovarian cancer. I can never experience a symptom without it being life threatening. I often get bloated stomach and I too have IBS so if you were to rationalise it, you would know that it's actually your IBS causing the bloating and nothing more sinister but you're correct, it often goes out of the window.

You are still buzzing and awake as you are in a heightened state of anxiety. I often experience that. Also, after an attack, I often feel cold and shivery and it takes me ages to get warm again. It's the adrenaline.

Hope you have a better night sleep and things seem a bit calmer tomorrow.

[Kazbear]

Hi CLKD

Thanks so much for replying.  I think she was saying to avoid Menopause Matters for 3 weeks to avoid me using it to seek constant reassurance which she has identified as part of the problem.  However, in the dark of the night I have found it so reassuring just to log on and know that I am not alone.

I am trying to make changes to my diet - cutting down on my portion sizes won't do me any harm, and I am leaning towards having more green tea rather than caffeine.  Coincidentally, the last time I felt really well was last year when I'd lost weight through Weight Watchers and was drinking more green tea.  I remember standing at the printer thinking that I hadn't had things like heartburn, which I'd had regularly, and even felt calmer.  I will revisit that type of thing.

I know that this latest episode was triggered by me getting a bad back after we as a family suffered two bereavements - one of who was my mum's brother.  There was quite a long time between him passing and the funeral, and I was worried how to support my mum as I know she would be upset.  I have noticed that the last episode was trigged just after a close friend died a couple of years ago, yet when I went to see my doctor last year for some breast pain I was completely calm and didn't worry at all, simply because there had been no trigger.

Amazing, just sitting writing about the triggers and I am getting the numbness and tingling in my face.

Ho, hum, I will get there.

[CLKD]

I had the broken nights, immediate catostraphy thoughts i.e. ovarian cancer but I'm still here even after treatment for breast disease in the 1990s.  My biggest worry then was not being able to go to my daily radiation treatments due to panic attacks but adrenaline carried me through and we celebrated with a piazza on the final day of treatment.  That was at a time when I NEVER ate out  .

I still don't look further than half a day ahead.  Otherwise I would scare myself s……ss!  If you need sleep you will sleep.  Eventually. 

Make notes about what the Doctors have told you and read them when you think they might be 'wrong'.  Reinforce those positives that you have been told!  Old habits die hard ………

[Kazbear]

Halfpint

Rationalising?  What's that then?  It's either negative or nuclear for me!!

[Kazbear]

One thing I did find interesting.  When I saw my GP's registrar on Monday we were discussing me having some medication.  He mentioned Sertraline and I said "oh yes".  He asked if I'd heard of it and I said that some of the ladies on Menopause Matters were taking it or had taken it.  His reply was "Menopause Matters - oh yes, that's a good forum for help and advice".

Now considering he is a young chap he seems very clued up - he asked if I had considered HRT and said we could discuss later - and told me to take the Sertraline and come back and see him in a month.  His words "don't worry, we will start you very low so you won't be zonked out".  When you hear of such horror stories that ladies have with their GPs it is comforting to find one of the younger generation who appears to have his head screwed on (also helps that he's quite easy on the eye LOL!).

[CLKD]

Hang on to him  and don't share where your Surgery is unless he wants to Specialise in Menopause Matters 

[Mary G]

Kazbear, sorry to tag on to this so late and sorry that you have been having a difficult time for so long. 

It does beg the question, why has it taken so long for any medic to come up with the idea of HRT?   You are obviously several years post menopause and have been suffering from acute anxiety that have got worse since the menopause and only now has someone thought of HRT which is supposed to be the first line of defence against anxiety in menopausal women. 

I would strongly urge you to start HRT as soon as you possibly can and from what you have said, I think you also need testosterone.  The reason you are getting worse and not better is because both your oestrogen and testosterone will be diminishing to either very low levels or possibly bottomed out by now.  A lot of women lose their nerve when their testosterone levels drop and find things like driving more difficult and they stop wanting to take risks. 

All the symptoms you describe scream menopause and the only way to combat them is with HRT, nothing else is going to cut it.  You may well need the other medication (sorry I have no experience of this) as well as HRT but I think at the very least you need HRT and preferably the transdermal, bio identical variety. 

HRT is not just about relieving the immediate symptoms of menopause like hot flushes it also very much about protecting yourself from the long terms health problems caused by oestrogen deprivation. 

I am 54 and about 9 years post menopause and I use 2 pumps of Oestrogel and a tiny bead of testosterone everyday and Utrogestan (a bio identical progesterone) for 7 days each month and this is the best HRT regime I have used by a very, very long way.  Apart from having to have periods, I feel roughly the same as I did when I was 30 so I must be doing something right and at least I no longer have to battle with the dreaded contraception!

By the way, I am a patient of Professor Studd and this is his regime for women with severe progesterone intolerance.  He is a hormone specialist and his areas of expertise are hormonal based anxiety, progesterone intolerance, PMS and PND. 

Good luck and let us know how you get on. 

[Kazbear]

Thank you Mary G.  I think the thing is that I have coasted along with just hot flushes etc, but nothing major, and this has come out at me like a bolt from the blue.  I'm currently sitting here feeling anxious, with burning feeling in my legs and arms.  In my heart of hearts I know that this is anxiety (my hands feel hot and tingly and my heart is racing a bit) but nothing stops the panic.  I've had a day just at home, doing general things, but the moment I sit down I start thinking and getting anxious.

I will definitely be having a word with my GP about HRT and the pros and cons.  I have always steered clear because of some micro calcification in my breast that I obviously don't want to aggravate, but I think the time has come to bite the bullet and see what can be done, because these last couple of weeks have been the worse that I can remember.

I've actually broached it with my mum (but didn't tell her about the A & E trip).  I just told her that my legs were feeling a bit funny and I was getting panicky.  Interestingly she said that I'd always been anxious and that she wasn't surprised, but not to get panicky as it will pass.  She was so calm.

Oh it's good this stuff isn't it (not....)!  Back in work tomorrow, so people around me to stop me thinking.