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[MIS71MUM]

Hi Ladies

I seem to be having a bit of a rough time of late.  Currently on 20 mg of duloxetine and it has helped me sleep and possibly kept some anxiety at bay.  I was due for a resection of fibroids, ablation and a hysteroscopy this week but have cancelled due to a cold that I have.  Possibly for the best, because my mood is all over the place right now.

I seem to be constantly looking for a way to get better and seem to micro manage myself to see how I am and it's getting me down.  Having a bad day again today and can't seem to see the wood for the trees.  I suppose it ruminating or overthinking and I feel like I am becoming obsessed with getting better which is doing me no favours.

I  started oestrogel yesterday and now I'm convincing myself that it'll make me worse, despite actually having a good day yesterday.  I do feel a bit foggy and groggy today but suppose that's to be expected.

I am due to get my oestrogel and progesterone results tomorrow, so it should indicate whether I am low or not in either of these.

I just feel that i'm living my life in my head all the time instead of the real world.

I have two beautiful daughters at home and even when I am with them, I'm assessing how I am and what I can do to get better....then I feel guilty for wasting precious moments with them - ooops now I'm crying too.

I think I may ask my doctor to increase my AD's as well as continue with HRT.

I'm beginning to wonder whether I am depressed and I am imagining all the other symptoms.

I'm 44 - Have had 2 natural periods since August, having hot sweats, digestion issues and internal shakes.

Feeling a bit lost at the moment.

[Poppi]

Hi Mis71, can't offer any comforting words but a cyber hug to you xx
It's awful when you can't see the woods for the trees - I know how you feel. Is the sun shining where you are? Maybe 10 mins in the lovely, sunny fresh air will help? I'm off to do that right now, hope you feel better soon.
Poppi x

[Milamam]

Mis71mum, I could have written your post 2 years ago. I was so desparate to find whats going on with me that my thoughts overwhelmed everything I did! Really everything - from morning to night, and during! At the time I was on 20mg citalopram which obviously wasn't doing much. I was trembling, disoriented, foggy, scared, anxious, nauseaus, sweating and even so, menopause didn't occur to me as a pissible cause! My periods have shortened but still regular.

Long story short, when blood tests showed perimeno and low estrogen, I stared Femoston and gradually, very gradually begin to feel better!! It took full 4 months for me to be able to confess that the worst was over! I do have blips here and there but am grateful for the better days!! Hang on, there is solution, and light in the tunnel!! Big big hug from me, I know it is hard to believe it now but I am sure you will find the best therapy!!

BTW, I am 45, too.

Milamam

[Dancinggirl]

Hi Mis71mum
You poor thing - you are really tying yourself in knots - I can really understand this, so easily done especially as one can get so many conflicting bits of advice and info. Experimenting without professional advice is really not a good idea.
Milamam has done an excellent post to you. She was a victim of GPs giving out ADs/SRRIs as a first treatment without considering menopause as a cause.  However, if anxiety is controlling you, and I think it is, expecting HRT alone to get this under control is really not realistic - especially as you keep chopping and changing stuff. 
It sounds to me as though the Duloxetine is either not working now or perhaps a higher dose is needed - check this with your GP as you need something to get you through this phase.
A multi prong approach is needed.  Start fresh, give yourself a good routine and stick to it; regular meals and exercise with relaxation built in -  at least 3 sessions of relaxation each day and I would recommend 'Mindfulness'. It's spring and good long walks in the fresh air can do wonders. Try to plan things you love to do.
Lets get things into perspective here:
You are young and still peri meno?   If you are low on oestrogen you probably do need HRT. I know you are due to have an ablation, have fibroids done etc. so starting the HRT again may not be the best way to go right now as this may make things worse.  I would talk to your GP about the ADs/SRRIs first to get the anxiety under control, get the fibroid etc sorted and when you are feeling stronger you can then start fresh with the HRT but use it in the way your gynae/doctor has recommended and keep taking the AD/SRRI alongside until you feel balanced.
Routine can be the key - chaos feeds anxiety. Do be patient as there are no quick fixes. BE KIND TO YOURSELF 
I do hope this helps.  Dg x

[Lizab]

Yes, yes. I have tried to micromanage, and that didn't work. So I tried accepting and riding it out, and that has gone better, but I'm missing out on life. Now I'm trying to get back into life as normal and I feel lost. The estrogen should help. Give it time.

[CLKD]

It's in your head so difficult to alter how you are feeling.  I remember checking myself from head to toe before I went into a shop to see how anxious I was ……… it's OK to check you know, maybe have a list in your head and work from the toes upwards?  Decide which part of you is the worst and check every hour?  That way the rest of the hour is yours!

It will pass!

[MIS71MUM]

Thanks for all your replies, it really does mean a lot.

I'm really not strong enough for the operation yet, you're right.  So am due back to see my GP on Thursday so will request that I increase my AD's to 30mg.  Some days, I am okay, I can focus, concentrate and enjoy things and think I'm on the mend but then other days, the slightest thing can set me off and I will be trying to work out why and feeding my anxiety.

I'm back at work, so my life is getting there, but I think I need the extra help to get over the line.  It's almost like I have my life back but not my head...

I think Milaman's post about being so desperate to find out what's going on, I have allowed it to overwhelm me.

I know HRT takes 3 months to work so by increasing my AD, it should allow me some resting time...before I make an informed decision on my future and HRT.

I think because I felt fine when I had 2 natural periods in January/February this year, my only 2 since September I think, I was hoping that if my cycle restarted, I may not need to increase AD's, so by taking HRT then I'd get a period if that makes sense...and i'd be well again.

I will post back tomorrow with my oestrogen and progesterone levels, is that's okay....as it would be good to get some advice as to whether they are normal...whatever normal is in peri!

[Dancinggirl]

Sounds good Mis71mum - if you need us to take you step by step to get through this - then so be it.  Sometimes its just about getting over that wall - you've hit that wall but I think you have already started climbing as you are seeking the right help and I believe taking the right road.  Dg x

[MIS71MUM]

Thank you again for taking time out to reply.

Today hasn't been great but I've held it together.  Now I've stood back from it all, I've realised that today's spiral all started from a hot flush and being irritable this morning.

I suppose I will have to give myself a stern talking to when they happen and get used to them. Hopefully tomorrow, I won't fall into the same trap.

[CLKD]

Or relax and go with it?  These aren't things that 1 can halt ……… even though flushes etc. are 'natural' knowing that often isn't a lot of help! 

[MIS71MUM]

Hello All

Here are my test results.....not sure what these mean can I have someone to explain please?

Oestrogen - 126 pmol
Progesterone - 1.9

Are these good or bad?  I know these can change etc.

Thank you

[Dancinggirl]

My interpretation is just that you are low on oestrogen, however, there are two types of reading and I'm not sure which one this is - Hurdity will know.  Were you on HRT when this blood test was done or how long were you off HRT when this was taken? If you were on Oestrogen what dosage were you using?
DG x

[MIS71MUM]

Hi DG

I had taken Oestrogel 1 pump from 10/3 to 29/3 then stopped because of operation coming up. Blood tests was 14th April. Also had finished 7 days of Utrogestan a few days before blood test.

Thanks

[Dancinggirl]

OK that makes more sense. I would have thought your oestrogen levels would have been about 126 on that amount of oestrogen. 126 is low but not drastic at this stage - however you will need HRT if you are getting bad flushes and night sweats but only when you have sorted the fibroids etc.
My thoughts: I think your focus right now is to simply get the ADs at a level that make you feel less anxious - then get your fibroids etc done. Once this is done you can then start again with HRT with a clean slate and start low and build up over 3-6 months till you find a level that keeps the flushes etc under control and you are feeling more stable. If you then want to start reducing the ADs you could try but very, very gradually. You may well be someone that needs both ADs and HRT to keep things balanced.  This may all sound like a big hill to climb but I am great believer in taking things one day at a time.  I don't expect to feel good everyday - I just want more good days than dodgy days.
DG x

[SadLynda]

Mis71Mum - I have been there too, much better now with the increase in AD's, this worked for me.  Also still researching at all times for ways to improve and ways to help DH feel better too.  We are also on an Alkaline diet now, I have never eaten so much green stuff in my life.. it may be a good time for me just now but I do feel an awful lot better than I have for sometime.  I have a list of healthy cook books a mile long on my wish list, just weedling them down to something more sensible.  Must say I never believed all this stuff about healthy diet but I am starting to now.  Not saying it will work for you, or indeed that you do not already have a healthy diet, just sharing my own experience.  Hope you feel better soon.