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[Dancinggirl]

GRL - this has been a very interesting thread and it's thrown up a variety of issues.  I think you have been given some very valuable advice and feedback about pros and cons -  you are clearly not alone is suffering these extreme issues that do seem to be related to hormone imbalance but a hyster can throw up other issues and you don't want to swop one problem with another, especially if there is not guarantee that being without your womb will make the difference.
As you are still peri meno this could well be the route of your problems so the advice to try shutting down your cycle completely first seems to be sensible - I would ask Annie about this when you next communicate with her.   
I can't remember if you are using any ADs/SRRIs? Many women seem to need both HRT and  Ads/SRRIs to control severe anxiety and low mood so I would also discuss this with Annie - even for the short term a combination of things may be necessary to get your life back on track.  You clearly feel so desperate and overwhelmed at the moment and I know how that feels - do be kind to yourself and try to concentrate on doing things that make you feel good.  HRT can only do so much - it's not a cure all.  Dg x

[Taz2]

Just thought I'd post this thread from The Hysterectomy Association (UK) showing that other women are going through the same http://forums.hysterectomy-association.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=18391

I found this forum really helpful when waiting for my hysterectomy.  You can obviously read posts without joining but it's easy to become a member and then you could pm the women who have had their hysterectomies and ovaries removed for PMS/PMDD to see how they were getting on?

Taz x

[GypsyRoseLee]

She told me to take Utro orally, Chi Chi. I suggested vaginally, but she said no, orally.

Anyway, I couldn't have taken Utro vaginally this month, as my own natural period started just before I was due to start Utro.

[Chi chi]

I wonder why she said orally knowing how intolorant you are? Did she explain?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you DG.

I do know there may be complications with a full hysterectomy, obviously. But I have had 2 c-sections and barely noticed them. I am much better at dealing and healing with something physical.

To feel so emotionally beaten down, anxious and sometime desperate is just soul destroying. Much of the time I feel I am just enduring the day, not actually living it. Certainly not enjoying it.

It is also so unfair on my family. My DH is fantastically supportive and our children are almost totally unaware. But they deserve much more than a Mum who is just going through the motions most of the time.

I have been taking trazadone for 2 weeks now (I can't tolerate SSRIs) but at the lowest dose, with a view to increasing it next week.

I don't begrudge taking an AD at all if it will help me feel consistently well again. In fact I desperately wish I had tried an AD much, much  sooner then maybe I wouldn't have got into such a terrible state?

I didn't discuss an AD with Dr Annie but I know from other people who have seen her that she thinks they blend very well with HRT, often.

I think I got totally fixated on oestrogen being all I needed to cure the anxieties and very low mood. And the new NICE guidelines just enforced my fixation.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Chi Chi, she didn't explain. But I had told her that I got on fairly well with Utro when I took it last summer, so she was probably going with that?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Lisa789

We sound very similar. Though it's only this last month that I have been anxious about leaving the house. I have been forcing myself to go out, and when I do I don't have any panic attacks or anything. But I dread the thought of leaving the house, to be honest. Once out, it's never as bad as I have dreaded but I just feel much 'safer' at home. Bonkers I know!

I also hate being left on my own now. Again this only started about 4-5 weeks ago. Before, I have always loved my own company. But then I had 5 days last week where I felt so much better and confident and happily went shopping on my own.

Just so horribly unpredictable and life altering.

Like you I can't seem to tolerate SSRIs, but I am okay with the older tri cyclic such as Amitriptyline. Have you tried this? It worked very well for me when I had PND, and again 2 years ago when I first started the perimenopause.

I have just started taking trazadone which isn't a SSRI but is a slightly older AD. Two weeks so far, and no side effects other than a dry mouth. I am.on the lowest dose but will be looking to increase next week if still feeling this anxious and low.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Donnachricton, it is just horrific isn't it?

At times I have felt I was losing my mind. Truly terrifying when all my life I have been so rational and sensible. Sometimes the despair is almost overwhelming.

Have you been offered a hysterectomy?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Vintagefield it is just awful. The depression makes you feel totally without hope and the anxiety is crippling. Other people simply do not even begin to understand unless they have experienced it themselves.

Do you still get a batch of 'good' days each month?

I definitely wouldn't want to keep my ovaries as they are the things causing the fluctuations that cause the misery.

Did you see Chi chi's post where she said both Prof Studd and Annie Evans have never known.a patient feel emotionally worse after a hysterectomy + BSO (ovary removal) and said she was 'silly' to worry she would feel worse.

That gives me some hope.

Did they offer you a hysterectomy when you went to A&E? How did they treat you?

[lisa789]

Hi GRL

Stick with the Trazodone it's one of the kindest antidepressants side effects wise. I was on it in my early thirties for a couple of years. The dry mouth passes after a month or so.

You're not bonkers, it's hard for other people to understand the mental torture that this can cause.

I'll see what the consultant suggests at my next appointment but I think I'm wanting to try the qlaira, if that doesn't work I think that's the end of the road for me as I refuse to try anymore synthetic progesterone.

Good luck and please keep us informed with what happens. Xx

[GypsyRoseLee]

What dose were you on Lisa? My GP started me on 100mg with a plan to.increase to 150mg next week.

Don't you fancy taking it again?

[Sooby]

Gypsy,

   I completely get where you are with this and the feelings of desperation and despair. The anxiety that you experience is intolerable but I do believe that it will pass. It sounds like it is possible to take medication which would replicate the effects of the opp and see what you think but what ever route you chose it may take time to sort out and stabilize these terrible mood swings.

  So my suggestion would be to look at ways to improve your mental and emotional health alongside plans to address any hormonal imbalances.  I'm so pleased that you are able to share how you feel with your OH as I believe that this is a valuable are of support which we all need in order to get through this.

  My top tips are..., when you are feeling at your least distressed and are able to view your lows more objectively then see if you can find any triggers. Despite the fact that the anxiety may be off the chart sometimes and seem completely irrational, I find that there is always something at the root of it. It may be a storm in a tea cup or something that you would normally take in your stride but just for the tie being, try and work out what your subconscious is scaring you with and eliminate it as much as possible.

 If the ADs calm things down a little and give you the energy and clarity to make some changes to promote a more relaxed state and avoid any stressors then use them for the time being. Keep a diary and write down the worst times but perhaps more importantly the better times so that you will know that no matter how bad the bad times get...they do pass.

From reading the posts on this site it would appear that as we move through to full meno then moods and medication gets easier to manage so I truly believe that for all us peri girls....This too shall pass. It's incredibly tough at times I know and the darker thoughts are truly frightening but know that this is not you. It is something that is affecting you and that you will ride each dreadful phase out.

My last tip would be to make a serious effort to add some joy and relaxation to each day. Particularly aim to generate endorphins or remove toxins as this too will help to balance the less helpful chemicals and hormones.  I hope you soon start to recognise more of your true self each day hun. x   

[lisa789]

What dose were you on Lisa? My GP started me on 100mg with a plan to.increase to 150mg next week.

Don't you fancy taking it again?

It helped with my low mood but did nothing to reduce the anxiety and panic attacks. The majority of the time I was on 150mg but one bright spark told me to increase to 300mg. This was way too high and I was sleeping 12 hours a day and could never think straight as my head was too foggy. I would be open to trying it again and maybe the amitriptyline as an alternative.

I suffered with my terrible anxiety and panic attacks due to my hormones for 10 years now and I'm getting to the point where I can't take anymore as its destroying my life. Got an ultrasound next week then I see the consultant for bloods, smear and a discussion on the way forward the week after.

 

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hopefully your consultant will have some good ideas Lisa.

It's the open endness that I find so soul destroying. If they had some clever test that could accurately tell me when I would be menopausal (and hopefully everything much calmer, hormonally) then I could handle that.

If the test predicted 'autumn 2018' then I would have a goal to work toward. Each day crossed off the calendar, step by step.

But I have no way of knowing, no target to aim for.

Going on my family history I 'shouldn't' be much longer? On my Mum's side my grandma was late 30s. My aunt was only mid 30s. My first cousin was late 20s and my other first cousin was mid 40s.

We don't know about my Mum because she had a surgical menopause at 43. But prior to her hysterectomy she had been suffering very similar mood swings and anxiety to mine from her late 30s. So she probably would have been menopausal by her mid 40s too.

I am 46 this year and just desperately want it all to calm down. Very soon.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Really wise words and so kind sooby, thank you.

When I am feeling 'well' and my hormones nicely aligned I can be very rational and patient about my.situation. But then my hormones re align and I crash and become a desperate, slightly irrational wreak. Panicking about everything and nothing, unable to see any positive outcome and convinced I am going to be 'ill' for the rest of my days. Which just creates more despair obviously.