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[groundhog]

Hello ladies,
I just wonder if other people's lives are like this or is it just me and the fact I can't cope anymore.
Got up this morning and cleaned teeth to find sink leaking, so feet got a wash the same time!  Hassle no. 1 - plumber goes to answerphone as he's in holidays!  So that's a work in progress.
Try to phone surgery for sick note for husband,  he's never been on sick before in his life so this is stressful for him.   First the surgery got the date wrong,  then after several phone calls trying t get through they re did it onky to get the medical condition wrong!  I've now tried to phne again and their phones are down.  Hassle no.2
I live in a quiet cut de sac - as we speak a MASSIVE car transporter is stuck outside my house - obviously sat nav nightmare.  He can't turn and there is a scene of bedlam and very angry driver.  my tesco shop is about to arrive - or not, as it's looking now as he wont get anywhere near my house.
The home where my mother is just rang to say she had weed all over her trousers and hidden them in her wardrobe so all her clothes are smelly and contaminated,  did I have any new ones for her.  She thinks she is going on a cruise this afternoon and is distressed as she has no clothes.  Feel sad at that thought.
My husband tells me this is normal life and I should be able to cope. 
Is,this normal ladies? 
Think I should go back to bed and stay there! 

[Kate50]

I think it is normal the fact we're suppose to cope is debatable. At my worst of not coping I had therapy it got rid of the reasons why I didn't cope and at the same time allowed me to see what is acceptable to cope with as a human being and what not to put up with.

[Dyan]

Aww Groundhog
If my day starts badly then usually the rest of the day goes that way too.
Things always happen at once.
Depends on how my mental state is,as to whether I can cope or not, and if I'm not right mentally,it is 'or not'
X

[Taz2]

Some days are just like this aren't they. You need to deal with what you can i.e. your husbands sick not stuff and just let go of the things you can't.  It's not your fault the transporter is stuck (what sort of lorry is it by the way - I love lorries!) and I'm sure the shop will arrive eventually. As for your mum's clothes - have you got to go and pick them up (once you can get our of your road of course!) or do you have to start again and buy all new ones? I hope that the home can placate her a little so that she's not too distressed.

Taz x 

[Halfpint]

I do find situations like this get on top of me. I suffer with anxiety so I probably react to things differently than the normal person. If I have a 'busy' day with lots of things going on and things going wrong it can really drain me.
I also live in a small cul-de-sac and one of the neighbours is having an extension built that they started on Tues and it's noise all the time and getting blocked in by vans and lorries delivering skips etc. I hate it when I get blocked in as it's always as I need to take the kids to school or pick them up, so I panic we're going to be late.
After reading your other thread about the horrible time you have had of late, I would say you are finding it hard to cope just because of the mindset you are in at the moment. Other times, you probably wouldn't even bat an eyelid.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day x

[blossom60]

Have just been through probably the worst year of my life.  Lots of family trauma, including the loss of both parents.

At times I nearly went under but suddenly, at the end of last year, I found an inner strength, which has got stronger.

The upshot is, dispite ongoing troubles, I am now calmer and happier than I have been for years.  They do say that 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger', and I now believe that.

I no longer get stressed about the small stuff.  Broken washing machines, spills and missing items, just don't bother me anymore.  Even the more serious stuff I tend to think that it will be alright in the end.  A good day is when nothing bad happens.

We none of us know what tomorrow will bring. It may be good, or it may be bad.  Therefore just enjoy what you have and let fate take care of the rest.

[Halfpint]

Stellajane,
All I would  suggest is that the worst thing to say to a person with anxiety/depression is 'pull yourself together' or 'stop being stupid'. I don't tell many people about my anxiety as I have found people either laugh at me or say 'you're mental'.

A feeling of 'can't cope' is an overwhelming feeling of panic or anxiety which increases the heart rate, causes adrenaline to surge and a feeling of 'get me out of here quick' so to speak if you are panicking in a social situation, supermarket etc. I also suffer with health anxiety so if I'm having a rough day or things get on top of me, it just sets my anxiety off and I start to panic over any little symptom I'm having and go into a full blown panic and think the symptom I'm suffering from is life threatening. Therefore, I feel like 'I can't cope' as I can't get a control over my anxiety.

I have never been diagnosed with depression so can't comment on how sufferers feel but I did have an Auntie suffering from it and my mother (her sister) found her hard to deal with and couldn't understand any of it and thought she should just pull herself together and go out with her when she asked. She had no sympathy for her at all but as my Auntie explained to me later. It didn't matter what anyone suggested she just did not want to leave her house and her depression was like a dark cloud had come over her and she could not see any way out of it (she's over the depression and better now).

[getting_old]

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day Groundhog. I think everyone has days when they just want to go back to bed and sleep until tomorrow, however life isn't that kind! So it is normal, but it doesn't mean we can cope.
I agree with the comments of dealing with the things you can deal with and leaving the things you can't deal with to those who can. It's not your fault the transporter is stuck so leave that to people who can move it, and maybe the Tesco delivery person will just park at the end of the cul-de-sac and carry your stuff down. Can you find another plumber? Do you have anything for you Mum or do you need to go out and buy her something?

[babyjane]

I'm with halfpint and she explains it very well.  People don't get it, not even those closest to you (especially those closest to you).  the only ones who can even begin to get it are those who have been there and even they cannot say 'I know how you feel' because they don't.  Everyone's experience is as different as they are.

All I know is that we do not have to justify ourselves to anyone.  If we are feeling overwhelmed we need to take ourselves out of the current situation without anyone asking why.  But we also need to be honest.

I have started being honest about how I feel (not why I feel like it) and those people who don't, or won't, get me then I really do not need to be around them just now.  this is difficult when one of those people is my own son but I need to keep a polite distance as he thinks winding me up and 'jollying me along' will 'break me out of my self destructive cycle'.  see what I mean.

My anxt and depression has been a life time coming and will take time and the right help to work through.  It is not a headache I can take an aspirin for.  Being made to feel guilty will only compound and prolong the problems.

[CLKD]

I stamp my feet like a 2-year old.  Fortunately not much goes wrong all at once but when it does 

A few years ago I opened our hall door at 7.00 a.m. to find water pouring through - from a leaking radiator in the room above.  I was jumping up and down saying 'what shall I do, what shall I do?" and Himself picked up the phone, cancelled going to work and then turned off the water.

I often spill sugar - either the whole bag or sprinkles; for some reason it sends me into a flurry of anger. 

You've been through a lot.  Why should you cope?  Doesn't your husband fill in his own self cert. for sick leave?

The next big problem is my 'new' washing machine which dances across the utility room on a very long spin  .  If altering the feet thingies to try and even it up then I really will throw a wobbly!  It washes OK but the spin cycle is a bit OTT!

[getting_old]

I was dogsitting once and got up one morning to find the newspaper in the kitchen very wet. Took me a few minutes to realise that dog that size couldn't have done it, then worked out the washer was leaking! OH was away (as is normal when things break - I think he dreads leaving me!!) so had to get neighbour in to help me turn water off etc.

[Joyce]

Some days are just pants aren't they. One thing seems to lead to another through no fault of our own.

Could your hubby not have sorted out his own sick note though, that would have been one less thing for you to worry about.

As for coping, well that depends. Some days I'd be fine with whatever is thrown at me, others one small thing could send me over the edge. Life just sucks sometimes.

 

[CLKD]

Nor me!

'not coping' for me is stamping of feet, tears of rage or worry, anxiety surges  ………...

[Ju Ju]

How well I cope with various events depends very much how I am feeling physically and/or emotionally at the time.

I didn't cope well with the leak under the kitchen sink on my 60th birthday 2 years ago very well. Having to cancel plans didn't go down well! The recurrence of the leak on DH's birthday 2 months later created a melt down! In me anyway! Glad to say birthdays since then have been leak free! 

And how did I react when the builders van next door yet again blocked the shared drive when I was already late for an appointment? And DH is so ******* calm and reasonable and stopped me from making a scene! We found out later that the driver didn't have the skills and driving confidence to park it out the way!

Yes, we all have days like that when everything seems to conspire against us! And DH may not survive if he tells me that having a meltdown will not help! 

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

Like many of you the way I respond to stress depends on how I am feeling at the time.

I know a very religious lady who told me that when she has a problem she just passes it to God and let's him worry about it!

Feeling overwhelmed is always horrible but as we have lived to tell the tale we clearly have coped, after a fashion, and we can be proud of ourselves for that!

Wishing you all well.

K.