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[Bissal]

Thanks Kate50. I feel desperate at the moment.
I wish I'd had a child years ago as how I currently feel I don't think I could handle it. I need my body to look better before I can feel better and cope better.
I think I am going to have "settle" for a man I don't really fancy just so I'm not alone, and that's not fair on either of us! I always waited to eet someone I really liked, but he never came along and Ive wasted so much time.
I keep feeling as if i'm 60, and try to remind myself I'm not THAT old, but with the rapid aging, and changes to my body I feel as if I AM that old now and have no right to feel good about myself.
Am I too old to have a child at 45..??

[Kate50]

I dont think so as long as your healthy and loving. Do you want a father for your child as you talked about egg donor's cos of course there are always sperm  donors. Are you financially settled?  Lots of things to put in order.  You do know your body will change even more when you do have a child no reversals then, well only plastic ones!
Why is it so important to you to have your body fine?

[babyjane]

Pleased to meet you Bissal, and you, too Kate50.

I am having a few problems as I approach my 60s.  I think when i get there I will be alright but it is the thought of the decade change makes me feel that my best years are behind me now.  However I am also hoping my 60s will be a lot better than my 50s as I have struggled a bit with the menopause and so has my husband! 

Like katiecurrantbun I also had a hysterectomy with ovaries retained when I was 37 and am now 59.  I am on the cusp of wanting to turn the clock back to before 'the change' began and looking forward to moving on into the rest of my life.  This process brings about huge emotional as well as physical changes.  what continues to help me keep things in perspective (well most of the time anyway) is the massive support that is here on these boards, and occasionally I can help support others too, that makes you feel tons better.

Oh, and droopy booby, yes.  I look fine when dressed, it is just getting there that needs a bit of help 

[Kate50]

Babyjane
Did you see that last bear grylls programme that was on last year where the women were on one island and the men on another? I found it very endearng to see that even though the women fell out at first they were really supportive of each other and just wanted the best for each other unlike the men who you think get on but actually their ego's got in the way and there was loads of one up manship going on.  Us women are strong in mind and emotion we get through the toughest times and are always adapting and even though I don't like staring at my ageing face too long in the mirror I wouldn't be without my character and child bearing body!  I've got a funny pic to post but can't seem to work out how to put link in or picture? ?

[Halfpint]

Bissal, I imagine you are going to go through a grieving process for what could have been and that is entirely natural. You have had the choice of having children naturally taken away from you and that will be very upsetting. I can try to reassure you by telling you I have two friends now nearly 50 and neither of them have married, had children or even have a current partner. They wanted children, it's just the way their lives went, they never met anyone to have children with. I can tell you that one of those friends became very depressed around the age you are now. She went to the Dr and was given anti depressants which she took for a good few years. She did admit her depression came about as she felt 'life had passed her by'.
I did ask if she wanted to try to have a baby using donor sperm but she didn't know if she wanted to be a single parent (although she's very financially secure).
I think you should go to your GP and discuss how you currently feel and maybe get some counselling? What I would advise is not to settle for second best with the man friend you have who you are not attracted to. I know it's hard to meet men as I have a few single friends (even male single friends in their late 40's who have never married or had kids) but settling for second best is unfair to you and very unfair to the man in question.
Good luck x

[Hurdity]

Bissal - no you are not too old to have a child at 45 but as the others have said there is a lot to consider if you are single, and a lot to go through physically and emotionally if it might not work. I had my last child at 40 and Cherie Blair had hers at 46 I think. The ageing thing is a separate issue but overlapping.

Re the deflated breasts - mine became like this before I started HRT at age almost 54 - and are now a bit more robust than they were before - but were never big or droopy! The change is probably more noticeable for big-breasted and/or overweight women.

As for being THAT old - I am almost 63 and feel perfectly good about myself! It's not the end of the road even being this age as long as you look after your health (mentally and physically) and your body! I agree with Kate50 - you need to decide what your priorities are so that you can move forward positively.

Hurdity x