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[Carolyn]

Hi MadBloss

Now firstly listen up lovely lady, the last few days I have had a massive melt down & we are allowed too so type away & say exactly how you feel & just press 'send'

Secondly, I work in a school & your DBS that you had, register it & then your new employer will use it. Your new employee should pay for a new DBS & it's about £30.

Shut the door on the supermarket that's gone now. Get your feet in a door of a school - do the MDA if a vacancy comes up & tell the head that you would be interested in helping out in class - get your name out there & show them you are good, clearly you must have impressed someone in the first place to be employed as a TA & you can do it again.

The housework which I am sure gets you down & perhaps your husband doesn't quite get it because you have always been on top of it, my advice, do 1 room a day, if you are in a position to send your ironing out to give you some catch up time then do it. Don't over load your brain by worrying about things like how tidy your home is. Softly, softly. Take your time a few things a day.

I hope this all makes sense, it's tricky trying to write what I'm trying to say

You will be absolutely fine, write a list with a couple of things on it for tomorrow & achieve them 

Pull your shoulders back, stand tall & say move aside cause you're coming through

Keep us posted good or bad we're here for you xx

[CLKD]

  'Hugs'

[Babsm67]

Hi Mandz & 'Hugs',  I saw your replies a little while ago.  Thank you both for your kind words - strangely enough, Mandz, I almost sent a reply to your thread on 'Newbies' but was worried I might drag you down with me as I was so low!  I never know from one day to the next how I will feel.
Since I started this thread last week, I have gone through different options in my head & wrote down a list of numbers for local schools but something held me back from ringing them up - maybe it was because I needed a bit more time to myself to get on top of chores & finish that course.   However, I started to give the care job some more careful thought & decided to see if I could delay starting the training in order to have plenty of time to revise for the maths exam.  The care home agreed & I am now starting the training in mid-April (and starting shifts one hour later).  Another lady on MM encouraged me to go in there with an open, positive mind &, despite my initial doubts,  I decided yesterday to go ahead.  There have been no adverts for exam invigilators lately, although, thinking back, a senior school in the next town DID advertise in January. 
 The DBS has to be issued again because my current certificate covers 'Child Workforce' so I have to get another one to cover 'Adult Workforce'.  However, the new certificate will be added to my DBS Update account & I will now have two valid certificates for each workforce,  meaning if I wish to change roles again in the future, I can do so without any hassle.  The cost will be reimbursed to me after 6 months if I stay (if I do the job well enough) but, if not, then so be it - I had to make a decision fast (which is a nightmare at the best of times!). 
Re. The housework - yesterday, I actually got a bit more done;  probably because I have had a bit more energy & time to myself.  The supermarket job used to leave me shattered the next day but, yesterday, I actually felt more energetic.  Whether this is due to the HRT, leaving that tiring job or a psychological boost (also from leaving that job) is something I am not sure about!  That is a brilliant idea, 'Hugs' about doing one room per day, especially when I am feeling extremely low - at least then, I would still feel like I have done something & DH wouldn't feel he needs to do it (thus, reducing his anxiety as well!).  Tomorrow, I am hoping that I can complete an old exam paper during my college session & get another chore done 
Thank you so much &    xxx

[CLKD]

There was someone on TV telling the public that they should never be asked to pay for a CRB Check that the Company/Organisation has to pay for it.  So it may be worth your while checking on this!  It was to do with a case of fraud when the guy had been asked to forward money for the Check but the Bank details were a scam.

[Mandz]

Hi madbloss.....aww I so wish you had posted on my thread, believe me you wouldn't have dragged me down .....because weirdly, it would have been a relief to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way, and I don't mean that I would wish how I felt/feel on my worst enemy....because I certainly wouldn't.

Please please don't try and do everything at a hundred mile an hour....

Brilliant that you're delaying the training, so at the moment you've got a fall back plan in place if nothing else comes along job wise--- applaud yourself for taking that inniative---- and you just never know!!!!

CLKD I'm not sure about checks in England but I'm almost certain that companys are within their rights in Scotland to ask you to pay for it yourself with the view to a refund within a time limit, although I thought it was 12weeks, as after that time you should have a contract of work, but that info might be outdated

"Hugs" .... I'm sending you hugs, and hope you are ok xxx

And madbloss.....I'm sending you mahoooooosive hugs

M xx

[Babsm67]

Thanks Mandz & CLKD,  Re:  the DBS check - I am meant to be refunded after 6 months but will look into it.  I had a hideous nightmare earlier which resulted in an anxiety attack,  hence me being awake at this unearthly hour.  Right now, I am glad that I am not at work as it would have been a struggle later (took 5mg diazapam to calm me down).  At least now I have two weeks off before starting the training - just got to get that maths finished now (definitely NOT easy!).  School jobs are thin on the ground in my area at the moment but after Easter, more jobs may come up.  I saw a Careers Advisor at the college & was advised not to bother mentioning the cover TA job on applications/CV as it may look like I was dropped for the wrong reasons (even though I know it wasn't just me - it was ALL the cover TAs) & I was not there long enough to be able to request a reference. 
Mandz - for the last three nights, I have argued with my DH because of my mood swings - even though I sounded positive last night,  I was extremely upset towards the end of compiling that message.  These mood swings (& the stress of some other symptoms) are putting an enormous strain on our relationship & I seem to take everything that is said, the wrong way.   My DH has tried to be supportive as best as he can but his patience is being tested daily at the moment with my PMS & I then become anxious about driving him away.  It is a vicious circle &, the trouble is, I am too emotionally dependent on him & need to find my own hobbies/interests - it is such a struggle to get motivated (and I need to get the maths & job sorted first).  Thanks for the hugs  . Hugs to you & CLKD too    xx

[CLKD]

  ………… little steps!