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[Babsm67]

Hello, Everyone is probably fed up of my periodic posts but I am at my wit's end & cannot think straight.  This peri misery has been going on for 2 1/2 years &, in the process, I have had a breakdown & ended up resigning from a long term TA job which I originally loved.  In this last year, whilst riding the perirollercoaster, I  turned down a TA job after panicking (I could kick myself now)& ended up working in a supermarket which made me depressed again. After CBT, I finally got a job as a Cover TA early last month & handed my notice in at the supermarket.  I was given regular hours on set days & finally started to get a tiny piece of confidence back.  Then - bang, I went in on a set day as normal, only to be told I was not needed that day.  Two days later I was to!d that, due to financial cuts, all set Cover TA hours were being axed & cover wou!d be provided internally.  The chances of any of us being asked in are now very slim.  I am devastated and cannot think straight - I leave the supermarket tomorrow & have no permanent job.  I have been offered bank hours at a care home but have to do over a week of unpaid training plus pay £54 for a DBS check before I can start working (I get the money back & paid for the training after a 6 month probationary period).  I didn't know about the DBS fee at the interview.  I have never done care work with dementia patients before, only children & young adults with disabilities (I rang up the home after my neighbour told me about the bank work). The panic has set in again & I feel so uneasy now because of this mess - perimeno is horrible enough without having the rug pulled out from under my feet like this.  I felt positive last week for a short time but that was before the offer letter came through with the additional details I was not to!d about.  Am I right in thinking that this type of work will be very stressful?  I don't want to jump out of the frying pan & into the fire whilst in this state.  Perhaps I should volunteer again for a while - after all, it is now going to show on my CV that I have no job to go to anyway (unless I do the bank work which involves 7am starts).  The trouble is, I cannot be out of work indefinitely - my husband will get fed up with it.   In the meantime, the housework is not getting done because everything feels like a major effort & my husband is also getting fed up with doing the jobs.  Just feel utter despair & totally useless 

[Janice68]

God bless you!!   I know it's so hard to know what to do!! And no you are not useless plse be kind to your self. This meno journey is hard physically and emotionally . At the moment I'm struggling I can't work cause of meno symtoms and anxiety I hate being stuck at home but it takes the pressure off me till I feel better.
Please be kind to yourself and maybe find a few hrs then increase from there try and find something that suits you!
Janx

[Tinkerbell]

Have you thought about invigilating for the summer GCSE exams, the schools around here have started advertising. I know it is only a few weeks work, but it might suit you for now whilst you think what to do.
And being a previous TA I think you will be snapped up.

[CLKD]

Your husband is getting fed up with housework??  Tuff!   If he lived alone would he do it?  If he don't like it, then let him pay someone to do stuff for 6 months? 

Has he said that he will get fed up with your doing volunteer work?  Or is that your guilt nagging? 

What's a DBS Check?  Each organisations has to have clearance for people working with children and vulnerable adults, whether in a volunteering capacity or in a salaried post.  Some Companies will pay for it.

Not being able to make decisions is part of The Change from what I've read on here.  Bl…y nuisance  .  Dementia care can be wearisome.  I don't agree that you have to go in for a week un-paid though although it does save the organisation setting up paper work should someone not like the idea of working with needy people. 

Maybe take a few weeks to tidy the house with your husband and then think seriously about finding work.  Probably once you are both on top of chores you will be more relaxed, also the finer weather ought to have arrived by then 

……. and no, no-one is fed up with your posts.  Jotting down how we feel clears the mind initially ……. 'it's good to talk' 

[Kathleen]

Hello Madbloss.

I'm so sorry to learn of your problems and you have my sympathy. Perhaps more volunteering would be a good idea to help you get some confidence back and that would certainly look good on your CV.

I totally understand how disruptive meno can be and of course men have no idea so they have limited patience.

I hope things turn around for you soon and you can begin to feel more settled, in the meantime sending hugs.

Take care.

K.

[warwick01]

Hi

I can relate to how your feeling. I resigned from my job last year as I could not cope with the symptoms. My husband was understanding at first but I think he is getting a bit fed up now (because I look well) he keeps hinting about looking for a new job. To be honest it takes a lot to go out anywhere at the moment.

How old are you and where are you in peri?? for me the last 2 years have been the worst I'm 57

I keep telling myself it will get better

[walking the dog]

madblods and warwicko1 you both sound exactly like me I too had to leave my job in November due to perisymptoms ruining my life and I was unable to cope .im looking for a new job but  I have lost so much confidence I wonder if I will work again . im fifty abd I have struggled with this for six years.

if you have the new dbs did you not register it so any new employer can just check on line you dont have convictions ?  I did that with mine I think it was about eighteen pounds but eadier than a new dbs for every employer.

im lucky that my husband understands how ill I am and he never says a word about housework situation . I need a new job as were struggling financially but when I voiced my concern to him that I was worried I may never be up to working again he was fantastic and said if I didnt we would cope and me getting well was most important thing
so compared to some ladies I know im lucky

 so compared to some ladies I know im very lucky to have this

[Babsm67]

Hello Ladies, thank you so much for your kind replies.   .  I am afraid I just needed to vent last night as the indecision is driving me mad (and my husband) & I do not need the pressure of having to try & keep on top of chores as well.  Today, I finally left the supermarket job & feel relieved (much as the customers were lovely). 
Janice & Warwick - there are so many of us who are finding it difficult to work with these symptoms - I have never been the most confident of people but the confusion, indecision & fear has made me a nervous wreck at times.  I have never experienced anything as bad as this before.  I am so frightened of making the wrong decision again but I think I need some 'time out' now.  The maths course I am doing has become a struggle but I am still managing to get to college as it is only 5 minutes walk away (I need to revise though).  Little things that were routine now feel overwhelming.  I am nearly 49 & I think the main peri symptoms started in autumn 2013 although some things started earlier such as bladder problems, menstrual migraines (without aura) & anxiety.  In 2013, my cycle started to shorten & periods became extremely heavy (I have been referred for endometrial ablation).  I lost interest in all the things I enjoy & felt I 'couldn't be bothered'.  Along with this came insomnia, acne, depression, anxiety, increased hair loss, reactions to: food, my moisturiser, hair products & some medications including my antidepressants.  In both summers of 2014 & 2015, I started to get spotting mid-cycle which, during one month actually merged with my period.  This has gone away again for the time being.  I also get extremely hot at night during the second half of my cycle.  Now on Oestrogel (one pump)for 2nd half of cycle for chronic PMS (on advice of gynae GP) but cannot feel much difference yet (it is early days, though).  Was due to see consultant last Thurs but appointment was cancelled. 
Kathleen - thank you  . Yes, men do have little patience with this - my husband's patience has been sorely tested!
CLKD & Walking the dog - it is awkward to say this but my husband actually gets anxious if the housework gets left for too long (he has admitted that he probably has a form of OCD) & I then get stressed because I haven't got everything done & feel guilty.  WTD, you are really lucky to have a husband who is so understanding.  My husband tries to a point but I am sure he is fed up with me talking about it- I think he just wants to be left in peace!  It is horrible that the symptoms can be so debilitating - I never dreamed that I would be affected like this.   I just want 'me' back. The DBS has to be issued again even though I belong to the Update Service because I would be working with adults (my certificate covers 'Child Workforce').  I can understand that the company would not want to invest in people who may not stay, though.   I do like looking after people but have only cared for children & young adults with disabilities &, deep down, I want to continue working with children.  Taking some time out will help me, hopefully, sort myself out.  I have just started Amitriptyline (10mg) to help me sleep after managing to get it from my GP on Monday evening. 
Tinkerbell - that's a great idea about the exam invigilation;  I hadn't thought of that & I did do that as a TA, acting as a reader and scribe for various students.  No one has advertised yet but I could try ringing local schools to see if they would use me (& it would still give me some time off beforehand).  Thank you 
Thanks to all of you - I just need to calm down now (& ring the care home)  xxx

[CLKD]

Is this the same as a CRB Check?

Could you go into school in a support role, i.e to hear children reading?

As for the housework >shrug< - OCD or not, if he's worried by it then get on with it? or 

[Janice68]

Just to say I can totally relate I have also lost confidence and so sacred of making the wrong decisions

If you can take a bit of time out, I to used to for a supermarket the best thing I ever did was too leave but I also missed the customers too.  Janx

[Babsm67]

Hi CLKD,  yes, DBS is the new version of the CRB.  It was meant to save the hassle of having to get a new certificate (and possibly have to wait a few weeks) every time you changed jobs but it appears you have to get a new certificate for certain categories.  With the DBS Update Service (it costs £13 per year) the school, that I was doing cover TA work for,  was able to go online & check my DBS certificate within minutes.
I am considering volunteering in a school as hearing readers would be an ideal start - just still in a quandary as to whether I should do this for a few months (there is a!so the exam invigilation that Tinkerbell suggested which wou!d be around May/June) or apply for any TA/Midday Assistant jobs that come up in the near future.  If I commit to volunteering in a school then I feel I should wait until the end of the summer term before applying for TA jobs otherwise it will be unfair on the school.  It would probably look better on my CV for TA jobs later on if it shows I am volunteering in a school & I wou!d, hopefully get some of my confidence back.  There is also the option of applying for a Midday Assistant position if a vacancy comes up locally as this would be less pressurised.  I am very wary at the moment because of what has just happened with that school & feel so different from one day to the next - I don't know if I am coming or going    You are right - it is a bl--dy nuisance! 
With regards to DH, he is likely to start doing the housework himself if I don't get it done by the end of the week. Do you mean just let him get on with it?   (And try not to let that worry me).  I am sure I WILL get on top of things if I have a few weeks off like you suggested, though.  Now I have left the supermarket, that should, hopefully,  help my mood as well as I will have my weekends back  . I need to stop over thinking as well! X

[Babsm67]

Hi Jan, yes, the customers were lovely & they wished me well today when I to!d them I was leaving.   I think I will ring some of the local senior schools before Easter & ask about exam invigilation to see if anything is available, then, depending on what they say, ring the local primary schools & ask about volunteering.  Once the maths course is done (it finishes 30th March), I will be free to volunteer.  I am hoping I don't lose my nerve in the meantime! X

[Janice68]

Hi Madbloss, sounds to me that you have a good head it's good idea to finish your maths! Volunteer Work WOW and you never know where it could lead too either!!  Just keep going and don't lose your nerve!!! Your be fine!!!! X

[Babsm67]

Hi Janice, thanks  . I tend to get these fleeting feelings of being motivated for a short time then they disappear - hence me saying that I hope I don't lose my nerve!  Thank you so much for your encouragement  xx

[Mandz]

Hi madbloss

Firstly sending you a hug

Secondly: why not go along and do the training, I know it's unpaid at mo- but so is vol work
                If it's not for you well you haven't lost anything- but you might gain an insight into the job involved and decide you might love it- also there may be a lot of like-minded women who may become future good friends


Thirdly: I work at secondry school ( signed off just now) and because the kids have done their prelims, chances are they already have the required invigilators- I may be wrong


It's all very easy to give advice but hard to take it, but I think it must be hard going working in a supermarket....

Keep posting xxx