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[Mommarv]

Hi everyone I've just joined this site. I am 54 years old and started with hot flushes, etc at Christmas. I have appointment with GP tomorrow to discuss menopause and im going to ask about possibility of HRT as I can't go on as I am. I am unable to sleep properly (hot flushes wake me plus I don't seem able to fully relax), I am snappy, exhausted most of the time and now I am struggling to control my asthma. My daughter and granddaughter rely on me heavily so I need to sort something out for their sake.

I am married and our 30 year old daughter and 5 year old granddaughter live with us as DD has brain cancer and was left disabled following first lot of brain surgery. We don't know how long she has got left but we are well aware we are running out of time as she was given 1-2 years in 2008!  She is currently under three monthly reviews as had a recurrence last year.  (Was also told be left infertile following a years worth of chemo but went on to have surprise pregnancy!)

The last eight years have been very hard and have certainly took their toll on me but I was coping - just, kind of. Now the menopause has hit it is like the straw that is threatening to break the camel's back!

I initially decided to try and steer clear of HRT as I am now 5 stone overweight and under a lot of stress so didn't want to add to any further cancer risks as I need to be around as long as possible for my granddaughter who looks to me as her one constant that in life.

Anyway that's me - a bundle of laughs lol. I am already on antidepressants and have been on and off  for years.  Not sure how helpful my GP will be tomorrow but will let you know. Xxx

[Mandz]

Hi mommary

Just wanted to welcome you to forum

I'm so saddened to read about your daughter, I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are coping with

All I can say is that this is a terrific forum and the ladies are lovely and give excellent advice and support

Love n hugs m xx

[Hurdity]

Hi Mommarv

  from me too and so very sorry to hear about your daughter's cancer and prognosis. No wonder you are exhausted and of course you want to be as well as you possibly can.

With all the stress you have been under it's no wonder you have put on weight - and you mention the increased cancer risk. Your GP will know you well I presume so in your position I would really ask for help and referral re reducing your weight because as you say you want to be in the best possible health for your granddaughter. Getting on the road to weight loss will also help you feel better and reduce the intensity of your flushes as well as reducing your cancer risk. What a lot to ask of someone having to cope with what you are having to do? Your doctor should have no hesitation in giving you every possible help so that you won't be at greater risk yourself.

Re HRT - depending on where you are in menopause you could be offered continuous combined (no-bleed) or a cyclical type where you get a bleed every 4 weeks - this latter is if you are not post-menopause and have had a period within the last 12 months. If you are very close to menopause - one or two periods only in past year, in view of your age then you could be put on the continuous combined type straight away.

Have a look at the Treatments tab above and HRT preparations, at the different types. There are tablets, patches and gel (with separate progesterone) so it's a matter of personal preference. Do you know if your doc is sympathetic about menopause and HRT? Sometimes the progestogen in the HRT causes pmt problems for some women so sometimes it's best to start with a cyclical type first anyway to get used to HRT and then change after 3 months if it doesn't suit you.

Do read up all you can before tomorrow and if you want to know anything else about it please do ask.

Hurdity x

[Mommarv]

Thank you both for your replies. I have had just three periods in the last twelve months and the third was very light. Have no idea if GP is sympathetic re menopause or is up on it all but I will let you know what he says/does tomorrow. Only reason I've had chance to think/find this site is because I've had to rest completely to try and keep my asthma calm so my husband has taken over for me last few days. He's back to work tomorrow (for a rest lol) so fingers crossed I can find a solution to keep us all going!  My daughters worried about me taking HRT because of cancer risk and haven't the heart to tell her I'm pretty sure I'm at a much higher risk due to all this weight gain.   As soon as feel well enough to tackle it will get myself joined with slimming world. Had joined before and was getting on well but all went t***s up when daughter got very ill for a period of months and I suppose my excuse was I haven't got time and headspace to think about what I'm eating!

Bit worried about the PMT type symptoms as so difficult as it is dealing with the stress and worry - need to keep on even keel to be source of security and stability for granddaughter never mind daughter.  Social services have  been really good and provided daughter with direct payments to give me a break for couple of days a week and my sister helps. Also aware we are very lucky given the circumstances/original prognosis and my granddaughter is a true blessing   Will try and find the time to get genned up from this site before I go tomorrow but apologies if I end up asking on here things that are already spelt out 

[coldethyl]

It is important that you take care if yourself in the midst of all this stress. Many GP surgeries can refer you to weight loss clubs as part of their care and well being support. I suspect that it might be worth having GP run some bloods as being overweight puts you at higher risk of developing diabetes and it would show if you are having any issues with your thyroid function- going to GP with menopause symptoms was how I found out I was diabetic and I have logs just over 5st now with another to go. It is easy to use food as a comfort but in the longer run being overweight just  adds to the stress and can make menopause harder to cope with. X

[Mommarv]

Thanks coldethyl. How did you manage to lose your weight - bloody well done by the way! 

[coldethyl]

Cut out carbs- no bread , pasta  spuds or rice for a year and of course no sugar!!! Now I eat a small slice of spelt bread with my breakfast and the occasional handful of crisps. Weight loss has slowed as change started but still stick to the plan. I also took up exercise bike. At first just five minutes wore me out but now I can do 30 minutes ok before my knees and anxiety take over. Swimming is good if you like it and are overweight. Tbh the thought of losing my sight and toes was a great motivator.

[CLKD]

   what support are you getting for your daughter?  Also does your Grandaughter help?  Not a happy situation for you and every day must feel like a bonus!  Give yourself some 'me' time.  Sitting around watching a video together is a starting point (Nemo springs to mind ;-) )

[Mommarv]

Yes we love finding nemo! Granddaughter is only five but helps out in her own little way. Daughter gets a weekly massage at local hospice and direct payments from adult social services to help her with her daily life as a disabled parent. She has lots of different appointments including rehab as after last op she came home unable to walk more than a few steps and unable to talk. She's so tough and determined though and it's amazing the things she has gone through and survived! 

Her balance is not good and she has had several falls where I've been unable to get her up and had to call for help from neighbours etc. feel like each time something else happens with her it adds a little more to my stress levels and at the stage now where the thought of taking her to the shops fills me with dread as i find it so stressful. She tries to be independent but I have to watch her like a hawk or she loses balance and falls, totally forgets to take her meds if I don't keep a constant check, signs up to some dodgy deal online, etc, etc!

Anyway I know I need to start taking care of myself.  I put my own personal life on hold eight years ago and devoted every single second in keeping her as well and as happy as I can. I used to have me time by going horse riding which I loved but I'm so unfit and fat now that's out of the question. Maybe I could get interested in sorting our garden out - good exercise, fresh air and could do it whilst still keeping my eye on everyone! X

[coldethyl]

Reading that makes me so angry. It just seems so short sighted of social care provision in this country that families end up doing all the caring and supporting often at the expense of their own mental and physical well being. Austerity seems like a great idea if you only look at today's budget but what will it cost long term to treat those who develop chronic conditions as a result of stress? There's a girl of about 11 or 12 that comes to choir my hubby is involved with and she is main carer for her mum with epilepsy and little brother. How does that help her grow up into a well adult? Rant over.
Ask your GP for help - ADs aren't the answer if your stress is predominately life events. More outside support will be necessary in the longer term so you might as well stake your claim now. Xx

[Mommarv]

To be honest I feel lucky we get the support we do as I know a lot get much less than us. The only reason my daughter got the direct payments at such a level was because I had to fight and get help from an advocate from the Disabled Parents Network, more for my own sake as anyone else's.  Social worker had no idea what their legal obligation to disabled parents was - until the advocate educated her!  Anyway one decision we've made that helps is that my husband is going onto four 12 hour day shifts rather than two days then two nights - means a drop in pay but worth every penny to me!

On another note I am also blaming the menopause on my reduced capacity in putting up with BS!  Rang 111 on Saturday as was struggling to get asthma attack under control   Thought I might get out of hours appointment but they insisted I needed an ambulance in the circumstances. The male paramedic had quite an attitude inferring there was nothing wrong with me as by the time they got here (2 hours!) my oxygen levels were normal. The female paramedic was lovely I hasten to add. Anyway the upshot was I lost my temper and called him an effin t**t 😳.  Now I'm the most un-confrontational person normally and even though I may have an opinion of someone I always keep it to myself! I think dealing with people of different levels of competency these last eight years on top of fluctuating hormones mean I no longer put up with any of it lol x. PS I did apologise to him for swearing but made it clear I still thought his attitude well out of order.

[coldethyl]

Good for you for standing your ground... Though maybe less swearing next time ;-) I had similar experience recently when I rang 111 which you need to do here to access out of hours and his tickbox said I needed to be at a and e in an hr. I insisted on speaking to GP who gave me an appointment at local clinic which is all I needed .. I can imagine how pleased they'd have been if is turned up at and e for a check up and med adjustment.

[Mommarv]

I still can't believe I did swear at him, my husband was in shock he thought id finally lost my marbles! 😬

[Mommarv]

Before I go to docs tomorrow does anyone on here think I should be asking for a particular type of HRT if we decide on that route? Just had quick look on rest of forum and it seems like there are so many different kinds and some have side effects? TIA x

[Mommarv]

Finally got some action! Had to have blood tests done then three week wait for next available apt to see GP! Anyway after Weighing up the best options (injection of progesterone or Tibilone HRT) I decided to give Tibilone (Livial) a try. Has anyone had any experience of this please cx