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[Mandz]

Feeling so emotional .....taken a dip compared to last week xx

[CLKD]

Why the dip?

[Mandz]

Thanks sparkle xx

CLKD, I don't know.... Just woke on Sunday ..couldn't get myself up and just went down from there xxx

[Lizab]

Mandz, I so feel your troubles. I keep trying to will myself to feel better, and I have had a better run of a couple weeks. Not great, but consistently better. But today I broke again because I just don't have the drive in me anymore. I need some vivacity. I'm 39 years old and dragging around, forcing myself to get things done, and having to take breaks so frequently. It's just not me. I felt a little weird all day but pushed it aside and tried to carry on. Then the tears came. My husband was telling me about a friend's declining health and that brought it on, but something else would have started it if it hadn't been that. I felt the crying spell coming. I think I just get so exhausted with trying to keep positive and push through it makes my emotions fragile. As soon as I had dinner heating for the family, I came to bed. I'm tired of failing at everyday life. This has to get better.

[Mandz]

Oh lizab yes I can totally relate to that feelings....it's like everyone is coping while I'm just sitting here letting life pass me by...

And when I read everyone's life stories I feel even more guilty that I've got to sort myself out

Today I woke up and was determined I'd go to asda, I just got up showered n dressed and shot out the door before I could think
I was shaking like a leaf and sweating heart in my mouth but I did a shop and out feeling sick and home in less than an hour.....but I did it and I thought I'd feel pleased but I feel even more ridiculous in the fact that i usually do shopping without a thought x

[coldethyl]

I can so relate to all of your pain. It is as if life is happening you other people and I'm just barely holding being alive together some days. I thought knowing that all the weird symptoms were part and parcel of the change would somehow make me able to cope with them, but the anxiety is overwhelming some days that I can't rationalise that it will pass. I don't think it helps that my HCPs seem to be intent on treating the symptoms piecemeal rather than looking at bigger picture.

[Mandz]

Hugs coldethyl, the anxiety can be totally overwhelming and scary xx

I feel now that people think I should be on the mend ......and I know compared to the beginning I'm up a bit, but I'm due to be back to work in 3weeks and my improvement isn't going as quick as that I think I'll be strong enough and I'm so scared I'll go backwards x

[CLKD]

Have you been into work to see your colleagues?  Rather than waiting for your return perhaps a trip into the office will ease that worry.  Talking directly to people gets current problems into the open.

Anxiety can be over-whelming - do you have any emergency medication for when it strikes?  I know what causes mine but the physicality takes over 

[Mandz]

No CLKD I haven't, I keep thinking I should but again I get anxious at the thought of it xx

[Lizab]

I wish I could advise you on going back to work. I guess just trust that you'll be able to handle it in 3 weeks. That's kind of how I've managed through any obligations I have. I don't work, but things come up. Last month I had to stand before a judge and ask to be excused from jury duty. I worried about it for weeks, and I did for a moment think I would lose it while standing in line waiting for the others, but I managed, and after realized the anticipation is much worse than the reality. Like you, I'm better than when I started, but I think this whole ordeal has given me something like PTSD (not intending to minimize real PTSD), as now on top of actual physical symptoms which come out of the blue, I've got worrying about the anxiety popping up. I'm worrying about worrying! Ha! Anyhow, my "deadline" to feel better is now actually, as end of winter brings on some different obligations for my family. And I'm not quite ready yet. I'm am almost there, worlds above where I was a few months ago, but not much better than when I first sought help. I'm not sure how to proceed other than just not think about it. We'll make it through somehow!

[babyjane]

I am fortunate in that I do not have to go out to work, I don't think I could. 

You have my sincere thoughts and I hope that you feel better for when you need to return.  Do you have a good relationship with your colleagues? 

[CLKD]

Could you meet them out of work for an up-2-date chat! 

I do suggest talking to a Pharmacist or GP about emergency medication.  I know that what I have works for me if taken immediately, some GPs worry about addiction but quality of life is important!

[Mandz]

Hi all,

Yesterday I got up was feeling a bit anxious but as day went on I was calmer....which is what I'm like most days, but the thought of doing anything at all and I feel the anxiety rise again......if I can avoid anything I do......my intentions are great but ....well

Mornings are just not great at all......I sleep like a baby, but wake up feeling like I haven't slept a wink....and I'm exhausted all day
WILL THIS EVER END...... I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a life not an existence......
I'm sad and angry at myself.......Inside I want to scream n punch but I haven't the energy

[babyjane]

a great big mahoooosive hug right back at you Mandz 

[coldethyl]

Sorry you are feeling so up and down. It's par for the course I think until our hormones settle into some sort of arrangement with the rest of us. I think that we just get exacerbated whatever we've been like the rest of our lives at this time. I've always been anxious so not surprised that is my worse symptom... Even the flushes and other stuff bother me more because they make me worry about my BP, or whether I have some weird undiagnosed ailment rather than being just  annoying in their own right. I try and deal with feeling rubbish by going out even if I don't feel like it, by practising mindfulness mediation every day and keeping my breathing nice and slow and regular as possible. It doesn't rid me of it, but makes it more manageable some of the time. Try not to beat yourself up as that only makes it worse. It is not your fault and you are doing your best. It's easy to think that others are stronger or better than you, but in my experience , they are coping because their symptoms aren't as bad.