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[booboo]

My anxiety and fears have now gone thru the roof ...
I rarely read newspapers/magazines because I don't want to come across articles that may cause me stress..  However ! last week I picked up a newspaper and there was an article that has really really worried me... I don't want to go into all the details only to say that - several years ago my husband ( of 20 years) suddenly left me & it was totally sudden to me and unexpected - he did not reveal to me for approx. 7 months that he had had an affair  with a female at work and she was pregnant.... I look back now and realise what a dreadful shock it all was, and as a result of what he did & how he did it I reacted in a way that may have compromised my health... I risked my sexual health - I was totally naïve, having been with my ex for so long ...I did things that now not am I only ashamed of & regret terribly - and I have fears that it may cause me cancer at some point... I cannot get the thoughts out of my head - feel angry at my stupidity and naivety & how I could have behaved in such a way... My physical health is ok at the moment & I had checks - but I read something that said we can have viruses in parts of our body that we don't always know we have & no symptoms and it can lead to cancer..... I feel as if I may aswell die now - because I don't know what there is to look forward to..

[CLKD]

Lots to look forwards to.  Stop reading the media stories because rarely do they tell people the exact story.  Often the media will cherry pick articles from different sources - which they never put at the bottom so that we can do our own research! - much of which might be 20+ years ago. 

If you are worried about your sexual health then visiting a UrinaryGynea or Special Clinic at your local Hospital might be the way to go.  There are walk-in Clinics with professional staff where you can discuss any worries.  They have seen/heard it all before  and nothing on Earth that you might have lurking, is likely to be 'new' to them.  If you history is giving you guilt, then maybe some counselling/talking therapy will help.  I think many ladies in your situation 'go' astray - needing to prove that they are still attractive and desirable  .  Probably human nature to validate feelings!

Our bodies carry all sorts of stuff, bacteria etc. that helps keep the body healthy: there are good and bad bacteria!  Herpes Zosta I think the name is, can lay dormant for years but erupts as cold sores, usually around mouth or genitals when the body is stressed, as can shingles which is a similar virus. 

Let us know how you get on.  I had cancer in the 1990s and every day is a bonus  . 

[booboo]

Thank you Ckld...
I have got over the guilt - just wish I had been thinking properly and clearly at the time...
My fear is about something we can have, but not know ( no symptoms & no tests) - can lead to cancer ...Just wish I had not been such a fool and given myself more worry,fears and anx....

I am sorry to learn you had Cancer in the 90's -

[CLKD]

So speak with a professional?  Stop looking at Dr Google  .

I don't know why I developed breast disease.  A lump was removed which had cancerous changes in.  Someone asked whether I was likely to change my diet after I had undergone surgery, well why would I?  I had no idea as to why the lump grew, nor how much it would have caused problems had it been left in situ: my Surgeon and Oncologist suggested it was better out than in ……… and I survived!

Are you well at present?  Do you have lots of hobbies, plans for Spring …….. jotting down the pros and cons of this week and not looking too far forward can focus us into the 'now' 

[dahliagirl]

Our local STI clinic is part of the family planning clinic - sexual health clinic.  It is an ok place to go - you ring up and make an appointment.  There are lots of different people there of all ages.  I would be happy to go there.  It is probably worth going to put your mind at rest.

As for the viruses - it has been thought for many years that some cancers may be linked to viruses.  They are not living things in the same way bacteria are and probably leave changes in our cells (or indeed lie inactive like the chicken pox/shingles).  They have been around long before we knew about them.  DNA gets changed by things in our environment, and just from living and cells being replicated over and over.  It is an indication that we have lived    And you've got to live ! (meant in the best Shirley Valentine way)

[limpy]

Booboo - don't beat yourself up, stuff happens, it just does.
The trick is let it go and look forward. 

Our local sexual health clinic sounds like Dahliagirl's, it's part of the family planning clinic. It's held once a week and it's just turn up and take your place in the queue (you get a number the same as the deli counter in the supermarket!) I've been to the FP clinic and it was smashing, it was staffed entirely by women who were sensible, nice and helpful. I would go to your clinic and have a chat, they will be able to advise and reassure you.

[coldethyl]

Our local GUM clinic runs open clinics several times a week and were lovely when I rang in a tizzy about son who had been less than sensible one night, shall we say. They run all the tests and were really helpful and it was far less embarrassing than seeing the GP.
There's no point in beating yourself up as you can't change the past so you need to address what you can do in the here and now , which is get checked out for sexually transmitted diseases at the clinic and then deal with any realities rather than all the what ifs you are tormenting yourself with. We all do daft things when we are upset, hurt and confused so there is nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about xx

[booboo]

Thank you Ladies...

I look back now and realise how messed up and naïve I was ( after 20 years of marriage) ... I can honestly say - I did not know where my head was at or what I was thinking.. Only to say that what my ex did seriously affected me in ways ....  Now I have to live with it and try to control the fears - If only people thought about how their extra marital affairs and actions impact on their spouses ...

[CLKD]

Try to live in the 'now'.  Up until recent times, has what you did worried you particularly?

Ignore the media reports on health care?  A recent 1 is that there is no such thing as SAD  - sufferers would beg to differ!  It amazes me that in none of these 'surveys', reports etc., not one person I know either in reality or on-line, have been asked to take part 

[CLKD]

……… and now we are told that anti-depressant medication is causing more suicides than it helps.  But no one has asked me as a long-term user of ADs, nor did the Press report state which age group was studied, how long patients had been depressed, now long they had taken medication for ………. apparently a Report was released to the Lancet last week.  But the report didn't site any references, Abstracts etc. nor state authors ………. it was cherry picking again