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[Clovie]

Apologies if this is a bit garbled but I've just been through the most awful few days ever with my ‘mood swings' and only today can I be motivated enough to ask for help on here. 

My mood swings are always bad with constant peaks and troughs but this time I don't know how I'm still married to be honest. 

This is/was me at my hormonal worst..... I hate everybody because I feel that no-one likes me, little insignificant  things wind me up and make me either angry or extremely sad, I'm preoccupied with thoughts of dying, and pre-occupied about my kids who are teens  growing up and moving away, and feeling they don't like me (I feel I have to nag them to do basic stuff all the time and I hate that we seem to be at odds the whole time  ) I just cannot bear the thought of sex, my husband annoys me and I'll cause massive rows about something/anything from the past, at my worst I can't be bothered with showering,  my hair is an absolute mess, I'm gaining weight,  I avoid  venturing out of the house without my husband because I feel I will have a bad experience somewhere, for example someone in a shop being rude to me for nothing and I'd have to say something, it's easier if I don't go out. I'm frightened to drive anywhere, that fear is getting worse......... there's probably much more..... 

I realise I do need to see a doctor – but I'm scared to do so. The thought of going to see a doctor makes me feel nauseous. I don't know what to say, where to start..... 

Husband doesn't really want me on antidepressants as he seems to see them as a bad thing to be avoided at all costs. He's had that opinion in the past, he's not forbidding me or anything, it's just he thinks things can be sorted in other ways .
I had PND after 2 births and then started with PMS after my last baby which has just morphed into this hormonal hell. I tried antidepressants then and didn't seem to help. I'm progesterone intolerant to top it all off.

I just can't see an end to it, feeling like this. 

I'm on Ellesste solo 2mg and Utrogestan which I only use every couple of months due to my intolerance. I'm 52, started on HRT due to constant PMS and hot flushes. Can't say its helped my mood at all really.

We've recently moved areas and because I'm feeling like this I've not made any new friends in the  year we've been here, don't know how to be honest. I'm very lonely and feeling sorry for myself to be honest. I know people will say “Why not join a group” or something but I just can't do it. I feel I have no life just now. 

I suppose I just wanted to moan to someone who understands...... thanks for reading.

[Tinkerbellj]

Omg u could be talking about me!! I really have no answers but just wanted to say I feel your pain and I hope u find relief somewhere its all so bloody awful xxx if I ever find something that helps I will let u know x

[Clovie]

thank you Tinkerbell.

I feel I've really really let myself down now - by even starting this thread 
I mean kind of now I've written it down  because I've admitted it,  and I've been denying it all, for a long time, soldiering on. 

[CLKD]

Your husband needs a HUGE 

Tell him from me if we could 'heal' ourselves we wouldn't need GPs, medication, help  If your husband is so clever, then get him to open a Clinic so that no one needs ADs etc. any more? 

Right, I'll stop shouting and  say

I fought against anti-depressant medication but without it, I wouldn't get out of bed.  Did you have support during PND?  I would suggest that you ring your new GP and ask for a call-back so that you don't have to venture into the Surgery.  Your GP may visit you at home or suggest that you go for a very early appt. or one at the end of his/her evening Clinic, so that you can avoid people.  Nothing worse than someone you know saying 'how R U?' or you thinking they will gab it around that you were seen in the GP Surgery 

Have a browse round the various rooms here.  Your Practice Nurse may be more clued up on HRT etc..  Let us know how you get on.  There is a 'page' for husbands on here somewhere ……… it might be worth you printing it off and wrapping it round your husband's sandwiches   

[Hurdity]

Hi Clovie - so sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

My first suggestion would be to change your hRT - ie maybe try a transdermal HRT like patch or gel, at this point. You should then be able to adjust your dose a bit more until you feel better. Are you getting the mood dips cyclically or do you feel like this all the time? In other words are you still cycling hormones monthly - or do you bleed in between the utro? Have you thought of a Mirena which acts more locally?

Sorry I can't help more - just a few suggestions. Maybe appeal in the private section if there is anyone in your town or nearby who might be up for meeting for a mutual meno chat - or try on Mumsnet if you are a member as I know they have local meet-up groups.

In the meantime have a 

Hurdity x

[CLKD]

I noted Mumsnet too ………..

[Mary G]

Clovie, sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  You definitely need to change something and like others have said, I would say your medication needs looking at.  I don't rate oral oestrogen at all and it didn't help me in the least so I would also recommend going the transdermal route either patch or gel.  The problem with oral HRT is that much of it gets lost in the digestive system and I found that it doesn't do what it says on the packet for symptom relief. 

If you can persuade your doctor to prescribe the oestrogen gel that I would recommend you start with that because from my experience, it works better than anything else.  Leading hormone expert Professor Studd recommends 2-3 pumps of gel every day and then 100mg of Utrogestan taken for 7 days every month for women who are progesterone intolerantand suffering with depression. 

How much Utrogestan are you taking at the moment?

[Kathleen]

Hello Clovie.

I agree that a change of medication is worth thinking about. During my worst meno times I promised myself that I would keep an open mind and try anything. I also read posts from other women who felt better when taking the right drugs and reasoned that if they could be helped so could I. At the moment I take an AD called Venlafaxine and use Evorel Conti 50 mcg patches. I am not out of the woods yet but I am heaps better than I was.

I understand your husband's concern and I'm sure he has your best interests at heart but it is your decision to try any treatment and when he sees you improving I'm sure he'll agree that you did the right thing.

Many of us have suffered in ways similar to you and have recovered so don't despair, there is hope!

Wishing you well and keep posting. You are not alone.

K.

 

[GypsyRoseLee]

MaryG, if you only use 100mg for 7 days are you expected to a yearly scan to check your womb lining?

[Dorothy]

I feel I've really really let myself down now - by even starting this thread 
I mean kind of now I've written it down  because I've admitted it,  and I've been denying it all, for a long time, soldiering on. 

NEVER think that!  By admitting it, you've actually taken the first step to getting it sorted out.  And if you can take the first step, you can take the second, third, fourth...  It's not a failure, it's an achievement.

I can't add anything else to what the others have said, but am sending you a huge hug and well done for taking the first step to improve your situation.

[Mary G]

GPL, Professor Studd certainly didn't stipulate that I definitely have to have one but I have at least one per year anyway.  As my gynaecologist says, there is much more to worry about that just lining build up, you should get ovaries and all the other bits checked annually with internal ultrasound anyway.

[sugarspice]

Hi Clovie I too know exactly how you feel. I have just spent pretty much most of the night awake. I am going away for the weekend and things like that really heighten my anxiety. I have just started taking beta-blockers again as the last month has been awaful. My mood swings are dreadful and my poor other half bears the brunt of it all. Just like you he gets right under my skin and everything he does pretty much annoys me. I can't stand him touching me and have even said on many occassion we need to split up. I am on HRT and have tried several. Now on Premique low dose and have got on ok with it as initially it reduced my anxiety. I do think our anxiety is worse if stressed and I know mine gets worse if I have a busy schedule. I wish we had a little switch we could hit to just turn it off and carry on as normal. Can't remember the last time I felt normal and happy! I am considering the AD route as i have tried pretty much eveything else.The point is you are not alone. I hope you feel better soon and send you big virtual hugs. X

[Kathleen]

Hello sugarspice and welcome to the forum.

I just wanted say I know exactly how you feel as any change in routine sends me into a spin and I can't seem to  cope with any pressure. Well done for having a weekend away!

Sending hugs to you and all of us suffering from menopausal nerves. We deserve a bloomin' medal!

Take care.

K.

[orchid]

Clovie...bless you! You're depressed Hun, get to your dr for AD's, I take Dosulepin they're mild and not like the SSRI's Prozac etc. Get on Oestrogel its bio identical HRT and more natural. I know exactly how you feel. Read some self help books, practice mindfulness (living in the present moment) MOST important, KEEP going drag yourself into the shower, go for a walk. BELIEVE me you won't want to I KNOW, but it's very IMPORTANT in your getting out of this. There are some good helplines if you need to talk to people MIND are always there to listen. Big hugs, you will get better! X

[newbeginnings]

Hope you feeling better clovie. Orchid your post inspired me!