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[newbeginnings]

I feel guilty for not being able or well enough to work. My husband works and we're secure, although his job is currently at risk of redundancy. Were certainly not wealthy by any means, but we have all we need to live.its one of the biggest causes of my depression and I just have huge respect and admiration for women going through menopause and suffering who are working demanding jobs. Unfortunately I've let it become a stick to beat myself up with. I need to do mire housework I'm very unhappy with the state of my house but have had such low energy for so long. The depression and anxiety finishes me off. BUT having said all that I do feel slightly better today. Just been so many times when I've felt a bit better only to have my hopes dashed.

[Justjules]

Same here NB. Husband doesn't understand why I am off work at all. We could manage but I know his job isn't safe so he needs me in work but he would want me working in any case! It's just becoming far too much to cope with I am realising but then he would say that about his job too. X

[CLKD]

I felt guilty until Himself pointed out that, whilst he was a student, I 'kept' both of us.  When I was severely depressed and when the anxiety made me housebound I was unable to step outside the house  - so working was impossible.  I did work from home for a few years but was never back in the work place.

Be kind to you! stop beating yourselves up.  It is what is it.  Take half a day at a time, don't plan too far ahead and use your energy to deal with and recover from what bothers you this week.  Next week - the same.

We must stop trying to justify why we aren't working right now!

[Kathleen]

Hello newbeginnings.

I can completely relate to your situation. Like you I have huge admiration for women who work when they are suffering menopause madness. I also have times when I'm relatively normal and my energy levels are good but experience has taught me that such times don't last and I can feel horrible again for no apparent reason.

I am post meno and using 50 mcg patches but the variability of symptoms is exhausting and unnerving and you have my sympathy.

Not much help I'm afraid but I wish you  well and sending hugs.

K.

[GypsyRoseLee]

I desperately wish I didn't have to work, but needs must (sighs).

I do think I would be able to look after myself better if I didn't have to work. I used to enjoy my job but nowadays I simply cannot cope with ANY stress or challenges at all.

Back when I had PND I carried on working part time. But I think it was only when I was out of work for 8 months that I think I began to recover? I used to get all my chores done in the morning then for a few hours each afternoon I would rest/nap. Most of the time I would just lie there, eyes shut, almost meditating. I really think this helped to heal my battered psyche.

[Babsm67]

Hi,  please don't feel guilty - depression & anxiety are both debilitating & it can be hard for people to understand how bad it is unless they have been through it.  It saps all of your energy & the will to do the things that you used to enjoy.  I can understand fully why you cannot work - I would leave my job tomorrow if I could.  Early last year, I experienced severe depression & resigned from my TA job of over 6 years at Easter.  The depression had been creeping up on me for around four years (I know now that it was probably the beginning of perimenopause).  During summer, I volunteered & felt so much better because there was no pressure & I could choose the hours I worked, taking things gently.   I did not feel ready to return to paid employment but needed to start earning money by September & my current job involves working at the weekend & one very early morning - it doesn't sound much but it is physically very tiring & my depression & anxiety are constantly there.   
If you can afford not to work then please take as much time as you need to recover - it will be better in the long run.  You need to look after yourself & take things a step at a time - please don't beat yourself up over this. Xxx

[Ju Ju]

I used to beat myself up with that stick!

I returned to my teaching career after having my children, but only managed a year full time. I remember being so very very exhausted all the time. I couldn't wait for the children to go to bed, so I could do my paperwork and get to bed myself. The headteacher called me in and asked where the lovely teacher she had appointed had gone. We decided on an end date, but she wouldn't let me leave on a low. It was obvious I couldn't cope physically. With the end date, I was able to throw my all into teaching my lovely children.

 DH was not happy with my working either, though he didn't share the housework. He didn't want me putting myself through that. He took me to the doctors, who was quite blunt. I worked part time from then on, but once into my late 40s, I struggled with even that. By my 50s, more extreme exhaustion set in and I needed a couple of days to recover from a days work. Retirement was not a decision; it crept up on me.

But we payed a huge cost financially. DH had a steady job and we survived. But I felt guilty and cheated of the career I had planned. I often wonder what would have happened if I had no choice to work for whatever reason. I was fortunate. I suspect I would have become very ill.

 I salute those who have to work, while suffering from menopausal symptoms. Of course, some women do not suffer with symptoms.

[newbeginnings]

Its so helpful hearing all your experiences. Such a wealth of wisdom and compassion.

[Nikki180515]

Hi

I totally sympathise with you.  I went back full time teaching in September after a full hysterectomy in May, everything removed and thrown into surgical menopause.  I lasted 12 weeks and then have been signed off since end of  November, the hormones or should I say lack of, messed with my head and stress and anxiety took over.  My headteacher has been great and very supportive.  But the guilt about being off is big.  It was my doctor telling me off, saying you have to understand we will fix you but at the moment you are ill and to go home and rest and get better, made me feel a little better, along with the anti depressants!

I am such a nicer person now, no stress and being there for my kids, so much that I am seriously thinking do I ever need that stress ever again.  My husband, I think is now beginning to understand and will support my decision but I will have to do something as do need some money coming in from me.

I am going to start CBT therapy to see if this will help.   Don't feel guilty, just remember you will get better but at the moment you are ill and need time to recover.  Life is too short!

Take care

Nikki x

[Kate50]

Guilt is a wasted emotion it just fuels the cycle of depression dont do it to yourself

[CLKD]

For me, guilt and depression are separate emotions ……

[Lizab]

I haven't worked in years, not due to menopause but young kids. But now at 39, when I see a women a little older than me working, I feel awe, not guilt. Almost all the women at my gp office are menopause age range, and while I'm waiting I see them buzzing around the office and think "How do they do it?" I have gained new respect for women in the workplace. I do feel guilty for all the domestic things my husband has had to pick up, but for me it's a thin line between guilt and self-pity, so I have to watch myself that I don't fall into a pity hole.

[newbeginnings]

What amazing lives and strength on this forum.so much respect and admiration for all of you.
Over the last 5 years I fell deep into that hole with big life changes happening in the throes of menopause-leaving my job as my husband got a new job and moving to a new area 5 hours away from my daughter's increasing young family, my mother's illness and death and reconciliation of sorts with her 2 years before she died after a lifetime of extremely difficult relationship, my son's severe mental health difficulties, trying to do as much voluntary work as possible, being diagnosed with M.E and fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety disorder without going into anymore detail.
I actually think now that after having PND twice in my 20's and PMT and becoming perimenopausal at 40 most of my symptoms are hormonal and could have  been treated with HRT.
At least I am now on it, second month and I have definitely seen a decrease in hot flushes and some anxiety attacks.

[Ms Saucy]

Hello New beginnings.

I too am at the almost menopausal stage, I am single two teenagers and my other boy became an angel 16 months ago. So honey, you are a strong lady, one day at a time, always live those dreams and ambitions. I too had PND with my eldest, abused as a teenager,  Dom violence with first husband.. I could go on BUT we and only we as individuals hold the key to our own happiness. I refuse to do stress, why? Because it makes me feel I'll so I go with the flow sobto speak. Mindfulness activities are my savour and move forward always by taking a step into each new day...Hugs Ms Saucy xxxx

[Nina]

I actually feel better when I'm at work. I'm a natural procrastinator as well so it really helps to get me going and take my mind off which hrt I could try next