Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Carly72]

I don't really know how to start but o know I'm looking for any advice at all!

I'm 41 & was diagnosed as menopausal 18 months ago. I was told my FSH levels indicated that I was well advanced into the menopause, to say I was devastated is an understatement!

I have taken 3 brands of HRT, all oestrogen & progesteron cycle. I had terrible trouble with the progesterone and it leads to horrendous mood swings, weight gain and the lowest mood I've ever experienced. The plan now is to have the coil fitted and take only oestrogen, the doctor has said that the progesterone from the coil is localised so I shouldn't get such severe side effects from it.

My main issue with going through the menopause, apart from being devastated, is the dreadful mood swings. It's destroying my life, costing me my marriage, effecting work, costing me my friends & family. I have terrible anxiety attacks, my self esteem is zero, my weight has ballooned but I can cope with most of that, it's the sheer and utter feeling of total despair!

I can cope with my hair coming out, swollen legs, a hairy chin! But I just need to regain some form of control over myself. When I was told I was menopausal I was devastated, the doctor just told me and gave me HRT. My husband and I were thinking of starting our family but I then found out I had no eggs and it would be impossible to have my own child. I feel a little abandoned by the doctors, I know they are so busy and stretched. I know there are so many worse things that people suffer and I feel so guilty for struggling with the menopause! But it's costing me everything, I just need to find my sanity and calm and rational self again.

I don't know where to turn for advice, I don't know what the best thing to do to return to my 'normal' self.

Can anyone please offer any suggestions on what has helped them? I am willing to try anything to save my world. I take Agnus Castus and evening primrose. I currently take femoston but that will be changing this week.

Thank you for reading and I really would appreciate any advice.

[CLKD]

Yes we can recommend lots of help ……… 

Did your GP recommend looking at the Daisy Network? (I think).  There is a Link here somewhere.

Many ladies have problems with the progesterone part of HRT  ……. I'm sure someone will be along to tell you more.  We need Hurdity ……….. how are you on the Femostan and why are you stopping it?

GPs are there to help the Community.  No other persons' problems are more important than your own.  There is a page/s to run off 'for the husband' …….. of course, I can't remember which room this advice is in  - if I find it I will bump the thread!

How old is your GP?  Bedside manner is born in a person but can be built with experience.  Not any help for those suddenly told devastating news!  Your husband may be mourning too ……...

[Briony]

Just wanted to say hi and welcome. If you read through my previous posts, you'll see that I was in a similar situation, but am now  a few years down the line (coming up 44).

It is a horrible shock, especially if, like you and me, it means it's too late to start a family and you will need to take time to grieve the family - and life - you may have had if the menopause hadn't struck.

That said, it's not all doom and gloom. It's about finding a 'new normal' and moving forward from that point. I found the information on this site, especially the knowledge of the ladies on the forum, invaluable. The more you talk and read up on things, the more empowered you will feel. It's crucial we do talk, not just on here but in RL too, so that the 'taboo' of an early menopause is removed. (With that in mind, do read Dorothy's recent post regarding The Daisy Newtwork survey).

Like you, I chose to take HRT (and then the pill) as I was worried about the impact of low oestrogen at such a young age. A lot of people struggle with the progesterone part of their regime. Have you tried a bio identical progesterone like Utrogestan? I take this vaginally and tolerate it far better than the synthetic versions. It could be something to consider if the Mirena doesnt work out for any reason.

This thread may be of use too:

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,30689.0.html

Hang in there. I cant say things got back to normal for me, but you do get more accepting of it.

B x

[CLKD]

The Advice for Husbands thread at

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html

[Carly72]

Thank you for the links and advice! The links are great and I feel suddenly less lonely, thank you! It's a very lonely & scary time but I realise on here there is a lot of help, advice and comforting words.

Thank you.

[CLKD]

Keep posting!  Shock springs to mind? and other confusing but understandable feelings. 

[Cassie]

I found the best HRT when I went through early meno was the rub on gel which one can adjust up or down and then Utrogestan used vaginally x 100mg for 12 days per mth, this to me was the hormones most "user friendly" and which have really kept me sane and hopefully healthy....

[Lizab]

I'm still learning to navigate the early menopause, so I don't have much advice. I can tell you that I understand the despair. When the gynecologist first told me I was in peri, a few years ago, I wasn't bothered in the least. I welcomed the idea of no more periods. I was such an idiot! I had no idea the effect my hormones would have on my moods and perspective. Seemingly overnight I went from a normal, fun and carefree person to an emotional trainwreck. I still haven't wrapped my mind around it.
I talk to my husband about how I'm feeling, and I have a few very good friends that, although they can't begin to comprehend, I confide in and they are great. They even brought groceries and cooked meals for my family when I was at my lowest. I think it has helped me to have these couple of "safe" people that can cover for me, make excuses for me, when I need to retreat because I feel awful. Then I don't have to pretend to be fine while I suffer through a dinner party with a hot flash or anxiety. I leave, and I know my one of my friends in the know will cover for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is find your supports. This forum is great for the wonderful ladies who are or have been through it, but find your supports in your life too. I'm very independent so this was my hardest thing to do, but it has helped the most.

[Carly72]

Lizab,

That's good advice, thank you. When I was first told I was menopausal I fell into a pit of despair and abandoned everyone. I'm coming around to acceptance, slowly but surely, and realising I need to get out of the 'pit', see my friends again and retrieve my pre menopause life! Good friends definitly make everything better and easier to manage.

 

[CLKD]

It's a bereavement ……….. a turn in Life that you weren't expecting  is anyone else in your family affected, i.e. aunts, cousins?

[lancashirelass]

Please dont take agnus castus with hrt it will counteract each other.  Have a look at daisy network which isnfor early meno ladies.  Im an early lady but surgical but i have to use prog because i had endo. Prog makes me feel yuck so i sympathise

[Dorothy]

As others have said, the original diagnosis is a shock and also a kind of bereavement.  It takes time to recover, but it will get better.   I'm 40 and was diagnosed at 39, though symptoms were around since age 35.

It's a shame your GP wasn't more sympathetic in breaking the news to you.    If you find him/her unhelpful on an ongoing basis, it would be worth trying a different doctor or changing practice.  My new GP admits she isn't very knowledgeable on early meno, but she is sympathetic and tries really hard to work out solutions for me - it makes a huge difference.

Some things that have helped me are fresh air - I make sure I get out for a walk every day and feel much better physically and mentally, having a routine that is as stable as possible, learning to slow down, and making sure I have at least a couple of hours 'time out' for me each week - I go to a local craft group one morning a week and it is great just to hang out and have some girly chat!  A couple of friends you can share with is important too - forums are great,  but sometimes you just want to sit down for a cuppa with someone!

It sounds as if the biggest thing for you to adjust to is the lack of children.  We all come to terms with it in our own way, but it is important to do this.  For me, it has been focussing on my friends' children - I have six who call me 'aunty'. I know other people who find spending time with someone else's children painful, so they've chosen different ways to adjust.  I do have the occasional wobble when someone makes a tactless comment, but mostly, I've learned to concentrate on the positives in my 'new' life. 

[scriv]

I do agree with the others that it would be good if you could find another GP, as you do need someone to support you in this who you can trust and relate to. I found the female doctor in my practice the best for me, especially as she was a few years older and actually coping with menopause issues herself although at the normal age.

This is 22+ years ago for me now, so medications are obviously very different nowadays, but I experimented with different forms of HRT and it took a while of trial and error before settling down on a regime which suited me. It is also so much easier once your own hormones are not fluctuating so much either.

I settled on an Evorel Patch for the oestrogen and 14 days of progesterone, taken orally. That took quite a while to to find a progesterone that didn't upset me and make a monster of me. For me, Norethistosterone was evil!!!!

Once I got to my 50s, it was easier to get the levels right and even easier once I had a hysterectomy as I could then dispense with the Progesterone full stop.

None of us can pretend that it is an easy road, especially if you have other emotional issues to come to terms with like not being able to have children. In that case, you are even more in need of all the support you can muster - including a sympathetic and helpful GP - so please do find one. Don't just put up with one who is not there for you. It is too important for that.

Forums like this one are also a wonderful support, as are your real life female friends.

Good luck and Big Hugs. You will survive!!!

PS I also think this is a good time to ask your doctor to test your thyroid levels as there is often a link between the menopause and the onset of thyroid disorders with conflicting symptoms, especially with an early menopause.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hello and welcome.

I was diagnosed with early ovarian failure when I was 42, but fortunately I'd already had my children. Looking back I realise my body had been firing warning shots across my bows from being 38. I had several brief episodes of inexplicable anxiety/dread that lasted for a week or two, them mysteriously disappeared, only to reappear a few months later. I realise now they were most likely linked to my cycle.

Then when I was 42 the anxiety and feelings of dread appeared again but they stayed. And stayed. And stayed. I thought I was having a mental breakdown. It never occured to me that my hormones might be to blame.

So I completely understand what the anxiety and despair feel like. It's absolutely awful and really frightening isn't it? No one can understand unless they've experienced it themselves. Back in my twenties I had a serious cancer scare. Those 2 weeks, waiting for the results from the biopsy were horrendous. The anxiety and fear were crippling. Luckily I was given the all clear. But it took a while for the echoes of the fear and anxiety to fade.

Since perimenopause I have to endure days and days of feeling anxiety and dread like that, all over again. It feels just the same. But it's my hormones generating these feelings this time, not a cancer scare.

Do you have any periods of relief from this anxiety and dread? Do you think it might be cyclical? Mercifully, my episodes of anxiety/dread don't ever last more than 10-12 days, and they always eventually disappear. Then I can feel normal and fine again for up to 2 weeks.

I have been trialling various HRT and the BCP for nearly a year now with mixed results. I certainly haven't felt cured, but I am better with HRT than without.

But I have wrestled with these horrendous mood swings for over two years now and have decided enough is enough. Like you, I feel I have 'lost' myself. I am under performing at a job I once excelled at. I am short changing my husband and my friends all the time. I am not the Mum my children deserve. I feel like half the woman I used to be.

So I am going to see Annie Evans who is a very well respected specialist in hormonal depression and anxiety (Google her site, it's very informative). She only sees patients on private basis and it's £195 for an indepth 45 minute consultation. This includes her contacting your GP with her recommendations and also she will give you a prescription.

Prof. John Studd or Dr. Nick Panay are equally as respected. Could you possibly see any of them? You can't go on like this and real help IS out there for you. Please don't feel like there's no hope. These people really, really know their stuff and they see women just like us every day. They do take credit cards if that helps?

But please keep posting on here. We all understand and are happy to listen and hold your hand.

[Cassie]

I remember at the age of 38 suffering horrendous panic attacks and anxiety, so much so that I used to have to take days off work. I now know it was the start of meno, but at the time, I thought I was going mad!
If it was not for the Daisy Network, I would not have got through it, that was very active back then, this forum is also phenomenal.....
On a lighter note a lady I know went through meno and has had a lovely baby via egg donation so theres always hope