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[Justjules]

Hi all. Been to my Mum's as is usual for me on a Saturday but I know I wasn't myself and felt so rough all day but tried to hide it as much as I could, but Mothers know better...

Had a really bad night at Daughter's.  Was awake from 3am with awful anxiety and couldn't calm myself for ages, tapping, deep breathing etc. just so relieved when daylight came. Kept thinking about the last Valium I had but decided might need it another time. Grandchildren completely ignorant of poor Nan's suffering!

CLKD, you're probably right but of course, I have to catastrophise everything....have even started to consider other deadly things to with oesophagus etc, or whatever else chest pain can be a symptom of.   Default death with me every time....

Might not need the psychodynamic type therapy as I don't really have childhood issues thankfully although I was an anxious child but that's all, hope you find some answers BJ and can move on, must be very hard for you.

New beginnings, yes, this forum is a Godsend. Really lovely people on here and a sanity saver at the moment.

Well will plod on with the ADs and hopefully they might work. I just wish they were as quick as Valium....now that would be wonderful....dreading bedtime as I just don't know how to deal with that awful feeling in the night apart from what I am doing but I am worn out....I need my sleep to function.

[Lizab]

Dazned, I think I know exactly what you mean, and that is where I am trying to get, to the point of not fighting it but working with it. I just can't sort out how to get there. As with the old PMS, the physical symptoms aren't bothersome to me. Hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, frozen shoulder: all the things I rolled with and had no idea I was nearing menopause. I only found it was peri when I developed anemia from all the bleeds. Even then, rolled with it. But these cognitive and anxiety issues are proving to be huge hurdles. I will get there.

[Justjules]

Lizard, that made me laugh  . Yes, agree. How much bloomin mindfulness, colouring and meditation does it take to rid ourselves of this affliction??? Someone once said that only anxious types suffer through the menopause but obviously that's not the case. My Mum told me today that your fifties aren't that good, despite bloody Lorraine Kelly telling us otherwise all the time  apparently we will all be sorted by our sixties....well that's something to look forward to if I haven't been assigned to some loony bin by then!

[Justjules]

Oops, sorry Lizab....bloomin predictive text!!! 

[babyjane]

apparently we will all be sorted by our sixties....

Oh goody, only another 13 months to go 

[Lizab]

Justjules, there are days I beg my husband or my best friend to haul me to the loony bin! They keep telling me that I'm fine, just hormonal.

And I like Lizard! I feel like a lizard with the winter dry skin!

[coldethyl]

Don't lie there- get up and go and make a warm drink and do something to distract you. If you can't get back to sleep after 15 minutes, they said at my Well being course that you need to get up and start the whole bedtime wind down again- bed is for sleeping so if you are tossing and turning and agitated I think you are far better getting up and getting out of bed so that your mind doesn't start to associate bed and an inevitable bad night.
Try some lavender oil on your pillow as that is calming and maybe a warm bath before bed with some calming oils in it. Try not to anticipate a bad night and if it happens, think so what. You're far more likely to have a better night if you tell yourself that it is unimportant than putting pressure on yourself with all this anticipatory anxiety.  You can catch up on your sleep if you need to by taking a power nap after lunch but not too close to bedtime.
Sorry you are having such a rough time- it will ease if you just stop fighting it quite so much.

[Justjules]

apparently we will all be sorted by our sixties....

Oh goody, only another 13 months to go 

Ha, me too BJ!

[Justjules]

Lizab, save a bed next to yours for me then!

Coldethyl, thanks for that. Do sometimes think am I better getting up but I am just lying there frozen with the panicky feeling but will try if happens tonight. Have got Lavender somewhere...agree though that a lot of it is anticipatory but it's so hard not to do it. I even stayed awake till 12:30 last night which is extremely late for me, thinking I would be so exhausted I wouldn't wake up but bam, woke up again as usual at 3:00am with racing heart and agitation, horrible.  I lie there tapping away and then try to read kindle until my eyes are weary enough but will try a hot drink and restart routine. Hope you are okay.

[dazned]

Just to add in the mix I found having a long soak in a Epsom salts baths really helps unwind all the tension and leaves skin soft as well 

[Lizab]

I second Dazned's advice. As I said, the insomnia never got me down, but an Epsom salts bath and a cup of chamomile tea works like a tranquilizer  for me.

[coldethyl]

Bit jittery but usually am about this time- I get hot flushes every evening and they set my racing heart and anxiety off. Just trying to distract myself and keep breathing.
Anticipatory anxiety sucks( spent a good hour this afternoon with my half completed dental implants out and me with no teeth forever just because I had a bit of a twinge in gum which is probably my emerging wisdom tooth and nothing to do with the implants) so I know how it feels. the therapist yesterday described anxiety as a monster with a rope and us on the other end pulling against it- the more we pull, the harder it tugs back- the answer is to just drop the rope, as hard as that seems.
I'm trying to tell myself that all this worry won't make it any easier to cope with whatever it is I am worrying about should it actually happen.
Following from another thread, it's hard when the anxiety seems to come from nowhere and is hormone driven- you think that CBT etc can't help, but I am slowly coming to see what Claire Weekes used to talk about - first and second fears. I can't stop the hormonal rush of adrenaline and the initial anxiety feeling,but my response to it can shorten its ongoing effects. I don't need to add more fuel to the hormonal fire by stepping on the what if , oh god no here it is again gas. xx

[Justjules]

I second Dazned's advice. As I said, the insomnia never got me down, but an Epsom salts bath and a cup of chamomile tea works like a tranquilizer  for me.

That's interesting to know Lizab.

[Justjules]

Coldethyl, I am much better at this time of day, until bedtime of course. You do seem to have got it sussed, at least in theory, and what you say is really helpful, thanks. Sometimes we just need to hear it from a fellow sufferer and not just from a book. I think that's the secret...to try and let go...I used to get days where I just used to tell it to go and do one! Think I just need to get the initial affects of the ADs out of the way and then put the therapy techniques into place and stop fretting the symptoms so much. I used to read Claire Weeks...really good books.

[CLKD]

Drop the rope  - has this person *suffered* with anxiety?  It's OK being written down but logic flies out the window once anxiety sets in.  I have nights when I lay shaking with fear …..too late to put into practice the deep breathing that I learned in the 1990s.

What was the question again ……..

If you are hungry, do you not eat?  If you had heart disease/diabetes/etc. etc. etc., would you not take the medication  ? So why not take the ADs    you won't 'go back to normal' because this time of Life is "The Change"!  Hormones are up and down, we have more responsibility i.e. child-care, husbands maybe between jobs, older parents …… why not accept chemical help whilst it is necessary?  1/2 years and review?

I can never let anxiety go, it over-whelms me with physicality.  The feelings are *real*! as is depression.  No one could imagine these feelings