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[Babsm67]

Hi, I have tried to keep my feelings to myself of late but I simply cannot sleep properly & it is driving me insane.  I have been on here before re:  my severe PMS but strangely, my last cycle lasted exactly 28 days and the PMS was nowhere near as bad (I can't remember when I last had a 28 day cycle before that!).  However, the PMS is back with a vengeance this month with sore breasts, night sweats,  lack of sleep & the personality of a dragon!  Having problems trying HRT as my hormones are fluctuating so much.  I don't think my current job situation is helping matters as I was in a terrible dilemma back in August over whether to take a job in a school which I didn't feel I could cope with at that point (after resigning from my previous job in the Spring due to severe depression) or to take a supermarket checkout job which was less hours but involved working Sundays & one weekday (very early). Having CBT has made me realise that I have made a mistake as working Sundays is not good for my relationship or for the care of our adult autistic son who is currently having issues & now cannot be left at home on Sunday mornings whilst my husband plays golf for four hours (the only reason I initially took that Sunday shift).  My husband couldn't go on Sunday as our son was so agitated so went yesterday instead.  I cannot get my shift changed to weekdays only despite the Head Office HR dept. telling me otherwise.  The only other alternative at present is to leave but that will not look good after the last problem in the Spring (applied for a school job at 3 am today) & I still have to give four weeks notice.  Not sure if the lack of sleep is due to hormones, job/relationship worries or both  xx

[Taz2]

Hi MadBloss - so sorry to read of your sleep problems. If you read back through your post you will see that you are coping with a lot of different things and I'm sure that anxiety is a lot to blame. You are not settled in your life at the moment and have the added problem of worrying about your son during his current agitation.

It's unfair of your Head Office not to at least try to change your working hours but I know that this can be difficult having had all of my sons work in supermarkets for a while. I don't think it would look bad if you left. You have valid reasons after all - not just your own health but that of your son. If you can afford to take a short break away from work then this would give you time to find something that suits you. School work is demanding at the moment due to there being less and less budget for staffing levels but good luck with your application.

Try to go easy on yourself where possible - difficult I know - but a few minutes spent relaxing each day can help with the anxiety levels.

Taz x 

[Babsm67]

Hi Taz2, thank you so much for replying.  I do get anxious before going into work & I am due in again tomorrow.  I definitely want to leave & I could concentrate on improving my maths and IT skills with more sessions at the college whilst I try & sort out alternative employment.  However, my husband COULD support me for a while but I feel that this is unfair as he already supported me through the summer whilst I was volunteering.  The problem is, I can see now, after having CBT for 12 weeks, that I still needed more time to sort myself out & I am in a real quandary as to what I should do with regards to our son.  Any employment I have, needs to fit around him & TA work may still be too much to take on but I do not know anything else (apart from operating a computerised checkout now!).  My husband isn't keen on me going back into schools because of the last place & being tied to school holidays as our son finishes college in late June.  You are right - I do need a break away from working to retrain & find something part time with weekday hours.  Thanks again  xx 

[Taz2]

If your husband could support you then I reckon it's better for him to do that now rather than perhaps have to support you for longer if you carry on pushing yourself when you obviously are feeling out of your depth. Holidaying in school holiday time is very expensive as you know so your husband has a valid point about school work especially as your son is coming up to finishing college. It always makes me laugh when friends are envious of my thirteen weeks off each year until I explain that nine of them are unpaid!

Take your time!

Taz x

[BreadFruit]

Maybe speak to a a doctor about HRT. You can get the anti baby pill, which can help regulate your menses.

Don't know how old you are, but lack of sleep is bad for mood etc. Don't let them give you mood enhancing pills. Your issue is hormones, most GP's don't seem to get that (especially if they are men).

Your husband's weekly golf is his "time out from family". Maybe you need this as well and do something you like. Fair is fair.

Also trying to talk may help. Just prewarn him that you may feel volatile and emotional. Guys are stupid and need to be hit over the head with the issues as they never see anything, but that does not mean they don't love their wives/partners, they are just not as good at reading the signs or dealing with the "female" issues.

[Babsm67]

Hi Taz2 & Breadfruit,  thanks for the replies - I have been into work today & it has been OK.  Our son was supposed to have a new PA to take him out during the Christmas holiday but she has been totally unreliable so we need to find someone else that our son will feel comfortable with.  She was meant to have him today whilst I was working & my husband was fitting our niece's kitchen but she let us down for the second time in a week.  Fortunately, our son was OK (my husband could have soon come back if he had been upset as he wasn't far away).
Taz2 - I have been thinking hard about what you said about schools & I still feel uneasy - maybe I should 'ride it out' at work until something more suitable comes up internally - as you said, I should take my time, particularly as I still feel so confused over the job situation. It was my CBT therapist who first suggested I should go back into schools as he thought I was still capable but, if it is going to be really demanding then that is a definite no-no as I need the time & energy to help my son.  Even today, I have thought that perhaps I shouldn't leave just yet as I saw an internal vacancy, last night, at another branch (further away) which only required every other Saturday morning.  I would kick myself if I left & something like that then came up closer to home. I don't trust my feelings at the moment & don't want to 'jump out of the frying pan & into the fire'.  I may speak to my manager again about Saturdays once the whole Christmas/New Year period is over but I would only want to do half of Saturday, not all day.  I can soon withdraw the school application & you are right about the school holiday issue - at present, we can go away in the last week in June.  The whole reason I applied for the checkout job in the first place was because I like dealing with the public & the customers, on the whole, are lovely.
Breadfruit, my gynaecologist suggested me using Oestrogel for the second half of the month to help my mood but my hormone levels are all over the place so it is very hard to get the balance right.  The Pill may well help but I think, at nearly 49, it would be ruled out which is a shame.  Wretched hormones - they are playing havoc with my mood more than anything at the moment (probably since I was 44)!      My husband did say if I wanted to leave my job, it was up to me but I have now decided, today,  to try & be patient.  Yes, my husband's golf is his 'time out' & the whole problem is that I lost my motivation to have my 'time out' when the peri symptoms started - I need to get that motivation back!   It is hard for my husband at times as he has this madwoman  who can become a dragon    overnight & an adult son with autism who can also be very unpredictable with his moods!    to both of you xxx
.

[BreadFruit]

If you still have periods you can still get the pill. I would try that as it will help regulate your hormone levels. Take them for a couple of years then come off and see if you still get periods. If no periods then you can get HRT.

I am 50 now, but I was on the HRT (which really was an anti baby pill aged 48/49). The pills did not work for me and never really have because of the colouring of the pills which gives me a terrible rash and some are made from Horse Urine (hormones) and I am allergic to horses. That's why I toughed it out for a year and when no more periods I am now on Kliofem (a tiny white pill and feeling great so far).

[Babsm67]

Thanks Breadfruit - I am seeing the gynaecologist in two weeks so I will discuss alternatives with her then.  My periods are still coming every month but my cycle has shortened (apart from last month, which was strange!) The worst symptoms are my mood swings, anxiety & depressive feelings plus not sleeping properly, which is horrible.  Ironically, I fell asleep on the sofa last night after I had been to work.  Our son has been agitated again today & I now honestly think that taking on a school job (if anyone was willing to take me on) will be too much because, if I was at work for 5 mornings per week & my son had a meltdown, I would be worried sick (& would probably have to come & pick him up).  It is too risky.  The only way I could do it would be if I could find something for around 12 hours per week approx. 
I have to watch it when it comes to medication too as I react to many things.  My old anti-depressants don't agree with me anymore & everything else I have tried has the same effect (come out in itchy bumps).  Need to read up on that tablet you are taking.  Have a Happy New Year      xx

[BreadFruit]

I know its a bit offtopic, but how are you going to cope with your son when you are too old to do so? Do you have a carer or some other solution when the time comes for your son to live on his own?

[Babsm67]

Hi Breadfruit,  that is a very good point - we have talked about Power of Attorney etc..  It is quite complex at the moment as our son is able in some ways eg. he can wash & dress himself, clean teeth etc.. but he has problems socially & actually wants to do more than he is capable of.  He also has no idea how to manage his own financial affairs, make appointments, travel on public transport etc..  The more able peers from his college group don't want to know & he refuses to mix with people more severely disabled than himself (so he will not attend any clubs etc). At present, he is not classed as able enough to move into 'Supported Living' where he would have his own flat & a support worker but there is no way that he would want to go into residential accommodation either.  He has to reach his 'Full educational capacity' to be considered for supported living.  He does have a PA who looks after him on Tues & Fri evenings (so we can get out on Fri for a meal).  She rarely has him on a Saturday during the day so he gets bored & wants us to occupy him.  The PA looked after him twice a week during the school holidays during the first year she was appointed but then she changed jobs & couldn't have him during holidays anymore.  We are on our second holiday PA & she has let us down twice in just over a week so she is now out.  Our son has been particularly demanding over the last week & I have spoken to my workplace HR this morning, who are going to see if my shifts can be changed - maybe they can be split into three 4 hour shifts so that I only do Sat morning rather than all day on Sat.
It is a very worrying prospect about what will happen in the future as we don't feel it is fair to put that responsibility onto our daughter but it may be that she will have to be the person to manage his affairs when we are gone.   We just want our son to be happy - it could be that he will reach his 'full educational capacity' within the next four years & then be entitled to his own accommodation but we have to take each step as it comes.  Xx

[BreadFruit]

That's all very interesting.

Will the NHS or the Council or Social Works help with a better carer?

I am just wondering as you probably have to fight for everything, as they may not come forward with all the info. Its so much easier to just lump it all on the parents and close relatives.

[Babsm67]

Hi Breadfruit,  Social Services sent through a list of agencies to us last year which, as yet, we haven't used as our son's main PA is someone we already knew beforehand & the other two holiday PA's were also known to us.  We wanted someone whom our son would feel comfortable with.  He enjoys being taken out by his main PA but she is only available during evenings;  not during the day when our son is home ie. school holidays.  We are now considering using the agencies but will look into them carefully (for holiday PA cover).  You do have to fight to get help otherwise people just get left & slip through the net.
My mood has plummeted since yesterday, when I went into work, as it has emerged that a lot of people have asked to change shifts at work & it has become clear that I don't stand much of a chance of getting just Saturday morning instead of all day Saturday.  Felt really miserable but obviously couldn't show it.   Just feel 'lost' as I don't know what else I can do that doesn't involve weekends.  Even without the worry over our son,  I don't think any school is going to want me, knowing that I was severely depressed nearly a year ago.  Woke at 5 30 am, worrying about work - I get this hideous feeling of fear that upsets my stomach. 
I enjoy helping/caring for people whether it is through supporting children, caring for children/young people with disabilities or helping people with enquiries (I have done all three)  Thought about care work as p!aces are crying out for Care Assistants but the hours for that are not family friendly either unless you are 'bank' staff.  Someone I know is 'bank' & she gets to do weekday only hours, twice per week (early mornings, which I could do).  So indecisive & this peri business is driving me mad - seriously thinking of taking 'time out' for my own sanity. Xx