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[foreign body]

i don't know if it's just me or whether this is yet another menopausal symptom, but i don't feel comfortable around people anymore. I am fortunate enough to work only a few hours a week, but after interacting with my students, i am done. I don't want to go out anymore, crowds, noise, parties, superficial conversations are too exhausting. I am still ok seeing very close friends, but only one or two at a time, usually at home with a glass of wine. i can barely stand the company of my partner, who i see at weekends only. My sex drive is very low for at least two weeks a month, during the utrogestan phase and the bleeding period, then slowly i start to feel better during the estrogel-only phase, but i feel that i am driving him away with my moods and pessimism.
I feel most comfortable at home, reading, writing, watching good films or when i work out at the gym. When i am alone i feel absolutely fine, even happy at times. So i am not sure whether my need to retreat to my cave and my introspective moods can be described as a form of depression.

Can anybody relate?

[Babsm67]

Hi, I have just seen your post, having been awake since 2 am & yes, I can identify with aspects of what you are going through.  Feeling the need to 'retreat' can be a sign of depression but our fluctuating hormones are most likely to blame, particularly as you have said that you feel at your worst during the utrogestan & bleeding phase which is exactly when my mood plummets & my anxiety rockets.  Ironically, last month, I actually had a 28 day cycle for the first time in ages (tried HRT but my hormones are fluctuating too much at the moment to get the balance right) & my mood was much better but this month, say no more!  I was in a foul mood yesterday & lost my temper in my car after driving round for ages, trying to find a parking space at a crowded shopping centre (I gave up).  My husband was playing golf whilst I occupied our adult autistic son & I spent lunch with him in a busy restaurant, surrounded by families & couples,  wanting to be back at home but I had to be out for my son's sake.  I was also feeling angry that my husband had chosen to play golf!  As a result, last night we had an argument & I stormed off upstairs to bed at 8 30, not wanting to spend time with anyone.  My sex drive has dropped to non-existent in the space of a few days too - just feel that I cannot be bothered to do anything at the moment yet a week & a half ago, I was having great fun at my husband's works Christmas do.  If that had been within the last two days, I would have had zero enthusiasm.  I would suspect that hormones are to blame and I am sure there will be other ladies along soon who are experiencing exactly the same problem (anxiety, in many different forms, is very high on the list of symptoms).  Many ladies find noise & crowds overbearing too. Xx

[Briony]

Definitely agree with what you have all said. I think it started when I really didn't know how I would feel on a given date, so started to turn down invitations to avoid letting people down at the last minute. Now I find myself finding even the slightest 'new' social situations an ordeal and get quite panicky. Was never like this pre peri 

[foreign body]

yep, i can definitely relate. Turning down invitations because i felt a bit panicky not knowing whether i would be able to make small talk, whether i would be in the mood to meet new people.

The holiday season obviously doesn't help...now  i will pretend to have flu in order to avoid a New Year party.
Christmas has already depleted me and i desperately need to recharge.
Basically i cannot cope with challenges, demands, excessive responsibilities. Breaking my routine is no longer something i crave. I am ok only in my comfort zone. What a change from my younger, fearless and reckless self!

[CLKD]

I did all the socialisation in the 1960s/70s and 80s - by the time the 1990s arrived I began to back off.  It got boring :-(.

Now I don't …………. I find conversation bores me, tires me, when people want to be out and about it's my bath time 

[foreign body]

my father started to become very reclusive when he turned 60, now at 76 he doesn't even answer the phone. So i am a bit concerned about this tendency,  i am 'only' 51.

[babyjane]

I have become very much like this over the last 15 months. In fact since my daughter's wedding, which I loved, but brought my stress levels very high.
I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression and was given a low dose antidepressant and some self help CBT. Now, after 7 weeks, I am noticing a difference and I didn't even realise I was depressed.  I was such a recluse, didn't want to go anywhere, see anyone or do anything.
I struggled over Christmas but it is still early days but today I went out by myself into a busy shopping centre to exchange a top and I coped with no sign of panic even when I couldn't find the way out of the shop.
It was only afterwards I realised what I had achieved and I concluded that the medication is definintely helping.
I do hope so as I have three big events coming up this year and the way I was I would be likely to spoil them for everyone.

[CLKD]

Well done you!  Have a look at when the dates are, have a chat to see if there is another stand-by drug on an 'as necessary' basis?

[Goosieloosie]

Yessss!!! I have been like this for a good few years which at the time I didn't realise was during my peri years  I thought it was because I had gained weight over the years & I'd lost confidence so that was the reason I didn't want to go out, but I now realise it's prob only been part of the reason and the rest is to do with meno  I'm so unsociable these days, a completely different person to my younger days. Nowadays I'm quite happy with my own company, I dread being invited out anywhere & when we did visit friends over Christmas (which we couldn't get out of) I warned my dear Hubby NOT to accept any invites for over New Year! Until I started HRT even my DH was doing my head in! I can't even be bothered to have my Grandchildren here that's how bad it has got. I'm quite happy to see them for a  couple of hours then love them & leave them. I love getting back to the sanctuary of my own home even though I still have 2 teenagers living at home. And I'm particularly loving these dark nights so I have the perfect excuse to stay indoors and not even having to worry about going into the garden  I get days where I just hate the world & don't want to leave the house  I don't really want to feel like this all of the time though, so I'm hoping once I've been on HRT for a while longer that things may improve, do you think they might??

[babyjane]

thank you, I still have terrible trouble with travelling out of my local area and especially on motorways.  this began after last Christmas when we got into terrible traffic congestion and a 2 hour journey took 5 hours. I felt trapped and panicked about when I would get home to my 'safe' place. I have had trouble travelling since then but I hope it gets better so I can visit grandchildren who live away from us and go on holiday again.

[SadLynda]

I did yes, very much so.  But now trying to make some progress, I can now do the shopping without head phones which is an achievement for me and I dont dread the fact for 24 hours first either.  DH has just booked tickets for Star Wars on Monday night, first time we have been to the cinema in about 10 years, my DD is coming with us in case I need the loo as I cant see in the dark

Again, only with the help of AD's.

[BreadFruit]

I have always been antisocial. Its in my blood. The night I meet my hubby 32 years ago was by pure luck because a friend forced me to go out dancing with her.

But yeah, it's getting worse and also better in a way. I like going out if the weather is nice and if it's something that interests me. I hate going places where one just sits about doing idle chitchat. I keep thinking I could be doing something I like. I know it's selfish, but its me. That's also a reason why I work for myself these days. I just cannot deal with large offices, office drama, the endless commute into the city.

I am now on a new HRT (Kliofem) as I have not had a period for a year and it has really helped me and lifted my mood, upped the sex drive and made me more active. I have been on it now for a good 3-4 weeks and the difference is just amazing.

[Kristy]

I enjoy the company of my partner and close friends including a small group of work friends. However, since peri started I find that I can't tolerate noisy places, parties, loud voices; big crowds make me feel anxious and claustrophobic. So I choose my social situations wisely as I know my limits.