Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[groundhog]

Hi HB - it's really hard - I sympathise.   We had 4 visits a day and it was ok but then the in between bits became a big problem.  My mother of course has vascular  dementia following brain haemorrhage so different circs.  My sister was good at some things but left all the practicalities down to me.  No one wants to see their parent in a home but it got to the point it was me or her - well you know my story.  My thoughts are with you xx

[littleminnie]

Been down this road with poorly elderly parents. It is very tiring mentally. From what you've said about her decline, the care package will be a stepping stone to a care home. Very very sad, but when they get to the stage when they can't go to the toilet on their own, they need full time care.
Like Sparkle said, your tummy issues might be down to stress.
(Hug emoticon still won't work) X

[Pennyfarthing]

I'm just wondering whether your Mum actually has more going on with her than sciatica.  It's a very loose term really and I've known several people who have been told it's sciatica and it's actually been severe damage to discs.

worth getting her checked out again I think.

[honeybun]

The GP has seen her now four times and says she is displaying classic sciatic symptoms.

I was watching her today.....it's as much in her head as it is in her leg.
She was in a real mess when I arrived but perked up after I ran about like a blue bumed flee getting her breakfast and socks and filling hot water bottles.
I then watched her walking ....when she wasn't aware I was doing this. The further out of sight  she got the better she got.
I'm not saying she is not in pain because she is but it's more a case of being on her own and having to struggle more than she did before. She can't remember that she has been using a trolley for years and thinks it's just a recent thing.
She needs more attention than she is getting and that I think is the big issue.


Honeybun
X

[robotwars]

Hi Honeybun, just wanted to send you hugs and say I know what you are going through..... I took my mother to view the extra care homes and she said which one she was happy to go in........... I'm just in the process of organising everything and packing up her home, it is all very stressful but im hanging on to the thought that in December life will be a lot calmer and I might be able to sit and talk to her instead of running around trying to do everything!
We did arrange for care to go in to her home but for half an hour a day it is £68 a week,  that is all the council would give her as they said she had family!!!!!! what a joke, so for us the care home seems the best place.....
Good Luck with it all....

[CLKD]

If you have ex-Services Members then contact the Royal British Legion!

Other ways is to look in The Lady magazine to see if there are ex-nurses who will do full-live in care or if they will sleep over from 8.00-8.00 ?  It will cost but they are usually professional and used to dealing with 'difficulty' people. 

I would expect to pay for 2 people over-night at a cost of £15,000 each …….. depending on qualifications.  I would expect them to be self-employed and providing their own Pension Scheme.  Insurance difficulties may be covered on Home INsurance Policies.

[honeybun]

Who on earth can afford that....my mother certainly couldn't. 

Unless I win the lotto, that just won't happen.

The Lady.....really 


Honeybun
X

[Joyce]

Wow that's very expensive! Very few can afford those sort of costs.

My neighbour thrived on the dramatic. She had had strokes, well TIAs, hobbled about with sticks. Next hello , when nobody was lookin,  she was fleeing up & down her garden.  She took herself off to a care home. 

It's really hard to watch though HB. You are & have been doing your very best. Hopefully a better care package will help.

[honeybun]

In Scotland is you don't have any assets then it's council funded.

My mother now just tells us she would rather be dead  . Really not a nice thing to hear to be honest.
I have to admit though her quality of life now is not that great.

Honeyb
x

[Kathleen]

Hello honeybun.

We are also in a similar position with my MIL. She is in hospital again and they are giving her rehab which she is resisting because she wants everything done for her.

Sending hugs your way and take care.

K.

[getting_old]

Sometimes I think a care home can be a better option for both the parent and the family.
A friend looked after their mother for around 5 years. There was just the two of them and her mother was confined to bed and had dementia. She would try to get up and often fall and my friend couldn't lift her so would have to call someone for help. She used to worry that her mother suffered because she couldn't help.  My friend hardly ever left the house and had very few visitors and her health suffered. She didn't sleep properly because she needed to listen for her mother during the night. A few years after her mother passed away she told me that she thought her mother would have been better off in a home where they were equipped to help when things happened. When she spent time with her mother she wouldn't have been constantly worrying about her care, and she wouldn't have been so tired and stressed.

[Pennyfarthing]

The GP has seen her now four times and says she is displaying classic sciatic symptoms.

I was watching her today.....it's as much in her head as it is in her leg.
She was in a real mess when I arrived but perked up after I ran about like a blue bumed flee getting her breakfast and socks and filling hot water bottles.
I then watched her walking ....when she wasn't aware I was doing this. The further out of sight  she got the better she got.
I'm not saying she is not in pain because she is but it's more a case of being on her own and having to struggle more than she did before. She can't remember that she has been using a trolley for years and thinks it's just a recent thing.
She needs more attention than she is getting and that I think is the big issue.


Honeybun
X

Oh right, didn't realise that.  She sounds like my 91 yr old Mum .... A few months ago she was driving me bonkers.  Every few days I was having to take her places to get checked out. Her eyes "weren't right" .... Even though  she can read the papers WITHOUT glasses which I can't do!! Optician said her eyes were very good indeed, no probs whatsoever.

another day it was her replacement knee ... Someone had told her they only last 10 years and hers was 8.  X-ray at hospital said it was fine.  You would have died laughing she went in dragging her leg and came out like a spring lamb!! . No mention of it since.

Then it was a sharp bit on her tooth ... We got that sorted.

Last week it was support stocking weren't right, so we got that sorted.  Then it was a fungal infected toe. sorted that too.

I hope this gives you a laugh Honeybun and you realise you are not alone!!  I think it's because they spend so much time on their own.  My Mums here every other weekend and the weekend she's not here I still take her out.  When she's here she says things like "oh I think I've got a cold coming ... Im going to sneeze."  I just say "well sneeze then!!  You've had the flu jab you'll be fine." 

It just goes on and on.

[honeybun]

Well the social worker has approved extra care. Four times a day.....they will now give her lunch, heat up soup and make a sandwich. They will also come in at dinner time and heat up a dinner that I have made. I have labelled everything with cooking times. They will also do extras that she has previously done herself such as filling and emptying the dishwasher. Hopefully all these little things all put together will make a big difference.
My sister also had a word about respite and a care home in the future. She is to ring the social worker in a few weeks for a proper discussion.

The rest of the stuff my sister and I will continue to do.

Fingers crossed this is enough for now.


Honeybun
X

[Limpy]

Sounds like a positive meeting HB.
When will it start and will they be coming 7 days a week?

[CLKD]

We have to pay for the running costs and upkeep, after all, we don't run our homes on nothing: so Staff pay, insurance, TV licence, Staff Pension Schemes, cleaners, upkeep of machinery, laundry costs - all comes out of what people pay for residential 'care' above what Social Servicies will pay for.  Council care is basic.  Lifting equipment, space to manoeuvre clients all costs.  Part of which the Council will pay for. 

It's when people need specific care i.e. Alzehmiers or can pay privately, however, medication and any general nursing care should be free at point of delivery. 

Dad had to pay because he had over a certain amount in savings.  Can't remember how much it was 15 years ago.  I think the amount has been altered and may depend on which country the client lives in.

How long will you need to wait for this additional care to 'kick in'?  Also, Wiltshire Farm Foods for those 'able' are worth looking into if there isn't Meals on Wheels in the area.