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[Briony]

Now been on  Marvelon for 15 days the jitters have eased -  but the constipation hasn't  . From what I can tell, this is a progesterone issue? Am also spotting quite a lot, but not too concerned as it seems to be a common issue with this pill in the early days.

Still not convinced this is the pill from me, but I can certainly now feel the initial side effects wearing off, thank goodness.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thanks Dorothy. My mood really slumped though within 2 days of starting my Pill break. I read the same happens to you so you are experimenting on duration of your breaks? How is that working for you?

I took my last Pill on Sat and planned to just give myself a 5 day break. My bleed started on Monday. But by yesterday I felt quite low and a bit anxious, so took my Pill last night. Already starting to improve.

Just worried if I don't give myself a bleed I will get a build up of prog and get side effects.

[Dorothy]

I start to get symptoms within 48 hours of stopping the pill - if my last one is Monday night, I am incapable of waking up on Thursday, not to mention hot flushes, shakes, aches etc.  Although at least a shorter break means I don't have to put up with the symptoms for so long.  What has helped is knowing that I can run up to 3 packs together and that the break doesn't have to come at the end of a pack.  I can look ahead, pick a couple of days when I don't have to do much and arrange for my bad days to come then.  E.g. we had a family reunion recently, so I took a break a few days before the end of a pack and then restarted just in time to be 'normal' (or as normal as I get now  ) for the family!

Currently it's ok as I am working part-time, but this will need to change shortly, and I'm not sure how I will cope then.  I'm thinking if I run 3 packs together and arrange to have a break over a long weekend I could cope.  The main problem work-wise is the tiredness - I literally can't keep awake.  It does help amazingly though to know when I am going to have my worst days and to be in control of when they happen too to a certain extent.  And even when I am having the break and feeling awful, I can look at my pill pack and tell myself that this feeling won't last, it will go away as soon as I start swallowing those pills again - it really helps!

[Briony]

Ive been reading a lot about this recently as I am very worried about the effect a pill break will have on my migraines (though to be fair, my GP is very happy for me not to take a break).

For peri menopausal women, a number of doctors/consultants now suggest taking 1mg of bio identical estrogen or a 50mcg patch during the pill free days. That way, you have a break from the progesterone without affecting the estrogen levels as much. This seemed like a good option and something I may consider. What do you reckon?

[Dorothy]

Might be worth trying.  Although I'm still a bit fuzzy as to which symptoms are caused by a drop in estrogen and which by a drop in progesterone...

[GypsyRoseLee]

I am so pleased your jitters are fading Briony. Hopefully this means you have turned the corner? How does your mood feel?

That's a good idea about topping up just with an oestrogen patch during your withdrawal break. I have lots of 50mg patches left from when I was on HRT. If I remember I will run it by my consultant when I see her in 3 weeks.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Dorothy, when I was on Microgynon I ran 3 packs together, and from halfway through the first pack I got spotting every single day for the next 2 months, plus a light withdrawal bleed twice. Plus my symptoms kept breaking through. But this might have been because Microgynon didn't agree with me because it is so androgenic.

I agree with what you say about having that control back. Before the BCP I just felt so helpless in the face of my hormones.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Well it looks like I spoke too soon saying I felt properly stable on Gederal and didn't feel the need to keep a daily diary on here anymore. Almost from day one of starting Gederal I felt markedly better, stronger emotionally and like my old self. This went on for nearly 3 weeks (the longest period of feeling 'good' that I've had in a very long time).

In fact I felt so much better and so much more confident that I ignored my GP's advice and went ahead and had a withdrawal break when I finished my first pack. To be completely honest I think I entertained hopes of perhaps not needing to take it anymore? I felt so like my old self that I found it hard to remember how dreadful my hormones had made me feel over the last 2 years.

To quote Pretty Woman 'Big mistake. Massive. Huge'

Within 4 days of finishing my first pack my usual psychological symptoms were back with a vengence. Anxiety. Jitters. Very depressed mood. Bit of diarrhoea. Really unpleasant.

So rather than waiting the full 7 days before starting the 2nd pack I started it last Wednesday night. Within 24 hours I briefly thought I was improving, but it was a false hope. Had a really miserable weekend feeling so low and tearful. Plus had several bad headaches too. But at least my bleed finished (it had been fairly light for 5 days).

Then, relief, my mood suddenly improved on Sunday night. Phew, I thought. And it made sense to me. I had been off the BCP for 4 days, so it had taken 4 days for it to start working again.

But I only had a 24 hour reprieve. Last night I started to feel on edge and jittery with anxiety.

No depression, but my heart rate felt elevated. I suddenly have an itchy red rash on my neck and shoulders, with little red spots. Today I have felt anxious and on the edge of tears all day. Can't settle and just feel so miserable inside.

So I honestly don't know what is happening. I don't know what to do? I suppose all I can do is just wait and see? I just wish someone could explain why I responded so quickly and so well to Gederal in the first pack? And yet now, after just a 4 day break all my symptoms have come back and have been here for nearly a week. It just doesn'take sense.

So anyways................I will keep this diary updated again for a while to see if it helps me make sense of what is happening.

[Briony]

Hate to say this, but this makes me feel a little less of a freak. 

Joking aside, I think you need to look at in perspective if you can (know that's easier said than done): overall, you have felt better on the pill than beforehand and your bad times are cyclical, so it's clearly a hormonal issue; you responded to this new pill (overall) far better than the Microgynon so its estrogen bias is clearly better suited to you; your body, like mine, is hormone-sensitive (is that a word?) and has been deprived of estrogen for a while so it's going to take a while to sort things out; and you have suddenly drenched your body in this potent estrogen and then taken it away again, only for it to be re-drenched. With all that in mind, I'd not be too concerned yet.

I have been reading reviews of BCP to quite obsessive extents this past week and there do seem to be a number of people who've had a harder time on month two than one, so I suspect it's still just settling issues. The fact that going back on has induced the jitters - something I had from day two onwards - makes me think it may be the estrogen that's affecting us. Perhaps a few months of Mercilon (same prog but only 2mg estrogen) would be a sensible bridge for us both til we're more used to it? Even 2 mg of EE is still much, much more potent than anything we had in terms of HRT.

Am aware I am rambling - hope this makes sense?

B X   

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you so much for such a supportive post, and what you say makes a lot of sense, as always. It's so hard to see the bigger picture when you're trapped inside the jitters. It's really good for someone to take your hand and talk some sense in to you.

I agree that maybe I'm reacting to an up surge of oestrogen. Or could it be progesterone? If only I had my personal endocrinologist on hand. But I don't have that centered and contented feeling which is attributed to progesterone I think? I am baffled by this rash, it's sore and feels like it's burning.

Have you decided to have a withdrawal break or not?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 8: pack two.

Actually ended the evening last night feeling better. It's so odd that the anxiety/depression so often lifts a little later in the evening. I would love to know why this is?

Slept well, though woke just before 5am. I'd had a good 6.5 hours sleep which is as much as I ever manage nowadays, so expected to lie awake until my alarm went off at 7am. I could tell instantly that my mood had improved and the jitters had disappeared. So that might be why (to my great surprise) I fell back to sleep, which never happens now.

Mood has been better today. I can't say it has been 'good' but an improvement on yesterday. Kept getting little pangs of hopelessness though, thinking 'when is this all going to end?'

I still have these little, itchy red spots across my throat, chest and shoulders with a few on my arms and legs. No idea what is causing it?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 9: pack 2.

Pretty much a repeat of yesterday. Felt quite a bit better during the later part of the evening. Slept fine. Didn't wake feeling any anxiety, but felt low and very miserable all morning. Mood started to improve during the afternoon. But I feel much worse than I did this time 2 or 3 weeks ago.

I can't think that just having a 4 day withdrawal break can have caused all this upset and misery. I am now starting to wonder if I'm just not tolerating the progesterone in Gederal, hence my continued very low mood, tearfulness, inability to feel joy/pleasure etc. Though I would have assumed I would be intolerant of it from the start? But I had nearly 3 very happy weeks on my first pack of Gederal. It doesn't make sense to me and I hate not understanding something.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 10: pack 2

Fed up. Felt quite good all morning. But during the afternoon the low mood and anxiety came back. So utterly, utterly sick to death of it.

It's not that I'm sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth in distress. I'm not. I'm functioning and pining a smile on my face. But inside I have this insidious feeling of low level anxiety and depression that taints everything. It means I can't enjoy anything or feel any pleasure doing anything.

If I'm still like this by next week I am very tempted to ask my GP to put me on 20mg Citalopram and see how I do on that.

I am losing days and days of my life to this horrible feeling inside and I just don't want to lose anymore days while waiting to see if HRT/BCP might or might not help me today/tomorrow or next month.

That my depression and anxiety is cyclical is pretty clear. I can have 2-3 weeks of feeling fine.  But then the depression and anxiety always comes back and can last a week or more.

And the real cruelty is that even during my 'good' weeks I am not fully myself or properly normal because I am absolutely dreading the next plunge into the anxiety/depression.

Tomorrow my Mum is taking me out to lunch (and I'm dreading it a bit). Tomorrow night we are having our best friends over (and I'm dreading it a bit). It's no way to live.

[dazned]

 

[Briony]

Hope the evening has gone ok? Xx