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[MIS71MUM]

Hi CKLD

Hope you are feeling better.  I had a good nights sleep for a change, even let the kids stop up with me for company.  Really enjoyed last night.

The worst of the side effects for me are the increased anxiety,  so hope that passes soon. May have to think of increasing my doseage once I settle down a bit.

Yes I did get back at it without eating  just totally forgot about food.

Yes - Mum's eh!  She did apologise but I think she was telling that i'd have to help myself to get well instead of doing nothing!

[GypsyRoseLee]

My Mum is lovely. But I avoid telling her how I genuinely feel as she then gets upset and I end up having to comfort her, and reassure her that none of this is her fault etc, etc.

Then I have to put up with her anxiously asking 'How are you feeling?' all the time and usually at inappropriate moments like when my DD can hear.

So I just don't confide in her really. It's not her fault. She's actually an intelligent woman, but she's rather silly and self indulgent. I know she loves me, but it's a rather selfish love.

Mis71Mum, if you can, try and take the fact you had that little burst of productivity yesterday as a very positive sign. Clearly the Citalopram is trying to kick start your mood to improve, but it's still early days. Think of your brain as a battery that has been drained to it dregs, and the Citalopram like the jump leads. Just give them time to nump start your brain again.

You will get better. Hang on in there and keep posting.

[MIS71MUM]

Hi GRL

I think my Mum is trying to act as a buffer between me and my Dad, as my Dad knows what depression is like.  I think she knows that he's worried about me and then she tries to step in to help.  I know she means well but she has no idea how hard it it to motivate yourself when you feel so down.

It's funny you mentioned my brain being a battery, when I spoke to a counsellor on Thursday, he said I was expecting too much to ‘bounce back' and I should think of recharging my batteries instead.

Yes i'm glad I had some energy yesterday and will take it as a positive although I was a bit spaced out for the first couple of hours of taking it.  I need to keep myself busy and positive and ignore the voice that keeps telling me that I don't need medication!

[MIS71MUM]

GRL - i enjoyed your pill diary btw

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you 

It's definitely a case of recharging yourself, and a slow but steady healing process for you.

I have spent nearly 2 years getting into this awful peri mess, so it would be disingenuous to think I can just magically recover in a couple of weeks.

[CLKD]

I began taking my AD at night so that any side-effects weren't causing problems in the day time .

[MIS71MUM]

Right now, I'm in a play centre with my kids. Not the best of places to have come too in my current state! Massive shock to my nervous system as to how noisy things are, when you've been at home/at parents for a month!

[CLKD]

Will you be OK  - when I left Hospital after the various visits required I was aware of how fast traffic moves and how noisy the outside World is 

[babyjane]

Think of your brain as a battery that has been drained to it dregs, and the Citalopram like the jump leads. Just give them time to nump start your brain again.

You will get better. Hang on in there and keep posting.

Thank you so much for this, I have written it down.  I found it a really helpful concept.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Glad to help babyjane 

The way I see it, is that if you have been wrestling with anxiety and depression (hormonal or not) for some time it literally drains all your mental energy and resources until you're running on empty and some serious damage is done. This is what therapists mean when they say depression happens when you have been strong for too long. You have made too many demands on your emotional and mental resources for too long, and finally they give up and shut down.

You can't just bounce back from that in the space of a few weeks. Your brain needs repairing and gently coaxing back into smooth running order again. If it took months to drain your mental resources down to empty, then it stands to reason that it will take months to recover fully.

[CLKD]

I agree: the longer the brain has been depressed the longer it takes for medication to give relief  - it's an organ often forgotten!

Mis71 - have you talked to your Dad about depression? I never did with mine so didn't get an insight into how he actually felt.

[babyjane]

This is what therapists mean when they say depression happens when you have been strong for too long. You have made too many demands on your emotional and mental resources for too long, and finally they give up and shut down.

This makes perfect sense. Over 50 years of locking away emotions and living with chronic stress and underlying anxiety for various reasons.  No wonder I am not feeling well. Thank you again.

[MIS71MUM]

Hi all
Had an awful nights sleep last night. Don't think I managed more than 3 hours and woke up this morning anxious and bad tempered.
Took a diazepam to help calm me down and also my Citalopram.  Problem is, thoughts are creeping into my head that I should stop taking them.  I know this is my anxiety tying myself in knots as usual.  But can't seem to stop thinking about how and when I'll get better.  I keep analysing myself daily for an improvement and it is not good for me.

Back at doctors on Wednesday.

I felt really depressed when I stopped taking the Sertraline so don't want to end up like that again.

[CLKD]

When we eat it's almost instant.  Medication however takes a while for the body to adjust to and for the sufferer to feel improvement.  It can take 7/10 days before improvement begins ;-)

[MIS71MUM]

How do you know whether to stick with an AD or not? Not sleeping very well at the moment and feel bad tempered, moody and really nervous all the time.

Also if I was to see GP about trying something else, would I be messing with my brain chemistry by swapping and changing so soon.

Also feel quite withdrawn and have some dark thoughts which are unsettling.