Hi and welcome to MM Yammy1
The menopause throws up so much that very few of us are prepared for. Nobody tells us what will happen to our bodies and minds when oestrogen starts to fall. Hormone changes can seriously 'mess with your head' and episodes like panic attacks, shaking etc. can strike even the toughest of women. You describe your meno as 'HELL' - what symptoms are you getting?
Do read up all the info on this site and perhaps armed with this information go and see your GP to discuss options for treatment - you don't have to put up with constant flushes, night sweats etc. - HRT is relatively safe for most women and can bring some quality of life, so may be worth considering. Do keep posting DG x