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[lyn]

MadBloss, that's good news! In Australia anyone can attend any college they like, provided there are vacancies (and if there are not, we push them in anyway! I currently have over 30 in one class).
Hope your son is happy...if our children are happy, we are!

[Babsm67]

Hi Lyn,  thank you X  . Yes, that is definitely true!  If my son is happy & settled then we are happy  xx

[Babsm67]

Hi Sparkle,  yes, it is a very positive step  that my son has taken by being prepared to try the local college next week as it is normally extremely difficult to change his mindset. He can walk to the college as it is less than 10 minutes away.  If it doesn't work out then we will have to go back to the original plan but, hopefully, things will work out well for him xx
I don't think my husband is very happy still about the lunchtime job as it means a big drop in my prospective income, even taking into account the petrol costs to the store job.  He also isn't bothered about me being out on Sundays because he plays go!f for 4 hours.  However, I haven't dropped that other job yet as, at this point in the week,  the two jobs are not clashing and I want to make sure the school staff are happy with me first otherwise I could end up jobless (and I cannot afford to risk that).  The crunch time will be next week as I have one weekday shift (Weds) that clashes with the lunchtime.  I don't have to give notice yet but I would want to let the store know a few days before, to be fair to them.   Xx

[Babsm67]

Thanks Sparkle,  I have just looked backed at my old thread 'Feel like I am going mad' & can see how 'all over the place' I have been with regard to making decisions.  I was actually looking for info on St John's Wort & one lady had mentioned it in that thread so I ended up reading it.  It is alarming how I have chopped & changed my mind & CLKD's words about getting anxious over a looming situation after being away from the environment for a while, ring true (that's in the 'Feel like I am going mad' thread). 
I stopped taking the AD's as they were making me feel horrendous & I got a nasty, upset stomach.  Going to try St John's Wort after dithering over it (I have bought some tablets today).  My son's PA suggested that I ask the school if I can work 4 lunchtimes per week & leave out Weds to enable me to work at the supermarket for a bit longer (so that I am still earning enough money for a little while until I can possibly take on TA work at the school).  I feel reluctant to ask them that though because I messed them about to start with. Xx

[CLKD]

If you don't ask you don't get!  If DH is worried about lack of money coming in, would he give up his golf?

[Babsm67]

Hi CLKD & Sparkle,  yes, CLKD you are right - I can only ask &, if they say 'no' then I may have to give up the supermarket job because I do not want to lose out on the chance of future TA work.  No, my DH wouldn't give up his golf because he said that is the only thing he gets to do that he enjoys!  .  Sparkle, I would definitely be happy to tell the school that I have needed to do the supermarket job for financial reasons as that is true.  I had lost confidence in the prospect of doing TA work over the summer & thought working with the public was the way to go after doing the volunteering.  Doing five afternoons 1:1 TA work would have been too intensive for me in my mental state & I couldn't have carried on with the volunteering, which I enjoyed.  However, I DID feel I had to find a job by September for financial reasons & I thought the supermarket job would be ideal at the time as I would be dealing with the public.  I soon realised my mistake!    Taking it in small steps as CLKD suggested before, is what I should do if the school allows it.    xx

[renee]

Something similar happened to me a few years ago....I was working as a secretary for a mental health charity, I too suffer from anxiety etc and am going through the menopause. Anyway, my friend told me that an oil company was looking for a technical assistant. My curiosity got the better of me so I got an interview then I got the job.....2 days into a very well paid job I knew it was not for me. My anxiety went into overload ( I too have a stash of diazepam). I phoned my old boss at the charity and told him how I felt and asked if I could get my job back.

So, I went back to my old job after going through a horrendous time telling my new work colleagues, my family etc. I only lasted another year at the charity and now I don't work at all. My anxiety is really bad, my meno symptoms are awful and Iv been diagnosed with an under active thyroid.

You go with your instinct and if you truly feel it's not the job for you then leave, don't put yourself through anymore anxiety. It's a lesson learned. You will be ok in the long run, take a deep breath and do it xxx

Good luck xx

[Babsm67]

Thanks Sparkle,  yes, I feel a bit more positive today.  The horrors of my PMS from last week have gone now (thank goodness).  I really need something to get me through that as that affects me really badly & that is definitely not a good time to make any decisions!  Xx

[CLKD]

It's the waiting and build up - until you are settled you won't know if you are flying a cycle or riding a kite 

Glad your Son feels confident about attending the College and is OK about walking there and back.  I am sure though that if a Taxi was required terms could be negotiated ;-) for regular rides.  We had to travel by bus 17 miles to college in the morning the same back - in buses with no heating  it was warmer inside not to scrape off the ice 

I would ignore your DH's remarks.  I know mine wouldn't even consider letting such thoughts out of his gob 

[Babsm67]

Hello Renee,  I typed up a reply to you yesterday then lost it (after I did the reply to Spark!e - my tablet battery went flat!)  I can understand 100% why you ended up taking that new job then switching back and, yes, it is awful having to tell people that you have changed your mind.  Two weeks ago I to!d 2 former work colleagues that I didn't think I would work in a school again (because my experience at the last one was so awful & NOT because of the chi!dren - they were lovely).  I am now eating my words but being indecisive like this has been a problem of mine for ages. 
I am so sorry to hear that you ended up leaving your job in the end.  The anxiety is hideous as many !adies on here, including myself, will testify & when you have a host of other meno symptoms AND an under active thyroid to contend with, it is no wonder that you left your job.  Have you thought about volunteering at all?  I did this through the summer to help me gain some confidence, mix with other people & get me out of the house as being at home made me worse.  I worked in the local hospital one afternoon per week & in a local charity shop for 2 afternoons per week.  I still go into the charity shop on one afternoon per week but I may have to drop that soon, much as I enjoy it.  I am waiting to see what happens with the lunchtime job as I am going to have to ask the school tomorrow if I can leave out Wednesdays for the time being.  xx
Thank you for your kind words and I really hope that you can find some relief for your awful symptoms    xx

[Babsm67]

Hello CLKD & Sparkle,  Thanks for your replies. Yes,  CLKD, it IS the waiting & build up which makes the anxiety ten times worse.  I was more confident on the checkout today (I am absolutely shattered!) but I do want to do the lunchtime job.  I have to ask the school tomorrow if I can leave out the Wednesday for the time being & I am dreading it but, as you said, 'Don't ask, don't get'!  . I did try negotiating with the taxi firms for a discounted rate but even the discounted rate was £5,000!  Unfortunately, my son can't travel alone on the bus as he wouldn't be able to cope if the bus didn't arrive on time or if someone was nasty to him (he tried travelling on the bus to his former school before & it ended in disaster).  Hopefully, though, he will settle in at the local college as he is looking forward to going in on Tuesday & it is a very short walk from our house - a walk he is able to do by himself.  .
What you said about the cold bus made me remember when it used to be so cold in our house,  when I was a child, that ice used to form on the inside of the windows!    
Sparkle - I have always been quite indecisive too but it is ten times worse now!    well, tomorrow I HAVE to make a decision & stick with it - oh dear!   I just want to be able to feel comfortable with whatever I do & keep everyone happy at the same time.  xx

[Babsm67]

Hi, I went into the school today & felt really flat, probably because I feel so mentally drained from the anxiety.  I brought up about the Weds problem & I could see it was going to be a nuisance.  I don't want to put the school through any more hassle so I have told them not to worry - that I will leave the job for someone else to take on for 5 days per week.  The Head had said to leave it with her when I first to!d her about Weds but I have messed them about enough & I can't do that to them anymore - they deserve better.  They have asked me to stay for the rest of the week (except Weds) & to do a resignation letter.  I ended up bursting into tears at home after I rang them with my decision this afternoon - I have given up the fight as it simply isn't fair on them.  I am too unstable to take on any TA work yet with this indecisiveness &, although the supermarket job is tiring physically, it is for only two days per week & I may be able to change the shifts further down the line (if I am good enough to be kept on). DH wou!d definitely prefer me to stay at the store because I will be much better off financialIy & won't be tied to the school holidays.  I feel very sad now though as the chi!dren were lovely but I had been out of paid employment since March & I couldn't leave it any longer.  My son is 21 next month & I have 2 nieces & my twin nephews' birthdays coming up during October & November,  my brother's 40th in November plus Christmas - I cannot afford to lose that extra income from the supermarket (it is only today that I remembered all these birthdays, besides my son's, that will be coming up as my mind has been so foggy).  I found the store job more bearable on Sunday even if it was very tiring.  The anxiety about my son trialling at co!lege is also sapping my energy - I am too scared to make any more decisions as my head is all over the place.  I told my husband tonight that I hate what this peri thing is doing to me - that I don't feel like ME anymore.  As CLKD said, until I am settled I won't know if I am flying a cycle or riding a kite.   Xxx

[CLKD]

I tried to post a response but the screen locked   

You have moved on.  2 days at the Supermarket will be stressful until you get into routine, you can give as much to your colleagues as is necessary in order to save energy.  You may find that now you have decided to stick with the Supermarket you will relax enough to enjoy the change, in the meantime you will get a feel of which Shifts would suit you more.

When does your son begin his walk to College?  Does he know anyone once he gets there?

[SadLynda]

  MadBoss.

[Babsm67]

Hi,  thanks Ladies - I did type up a reply earlier but didn't realise I wasn't logged in & the whole thing was lost!  I went into the school lunchtime but didn't enjoy it because the staff know I am going at the end of the week so I fe!t awkward.  I had a phone call earlier to say my consultant's appointment needed to be moved from half term to next Monday lunchtime as the original clinic had been cancelled & I needed to be seen before November.  Had I still been at the school, I would have had to have turned it down.  I just feel relieved now.
Thank you CLKD - I think you have hit the nail on the Head - I do appear to have moved on - not sure how but I found Sunday's shift more bearable.  The prospect of getting up at 5 45am tomorrow isn't brilliant but it is only for one day a week so it could be a lot worse.  As you said, I may relax now that I have made a firm decision & get an idea of what shifts would be best for me with a view to changing shifts/stores further down the line.  I should be able to do this after my 12 week probationary period (I just hope I am good enough!)
I accompanied my son to the local college this morning & he was really happy - he sent a text later on to say he was fine which was a relief!  He saw a few people that he knew, which was a good sign.  It is only a short walk away so he will be walking back after 4 00.    xx
Sparkle:  thanks - I felt upset last night & anxious this morning about going in (I actually took half a 5mg diazapam tablet at breakfast time just to take the edge off the anxiety).  I will feel relieved when this week is actually over because, hopefully, my son will be settled & I will be getting more settled after being 'all over the place'.  If I had followed your advice & given the store job another week, instead of ringing up the school, I would have saved people a lot of hassle & saved myself a lot of anguish.  I should have given myself a chance to settle in as the change was a shock after not working in paid employment for 6 months.  Volunteering did give me the confidence to work with the public, though, so it definitely helped me.  I can continue to volunteer on a Tues afternoon as well now.  On them positive side, I will have more free time during the week to get jobs done & can take my son out for the day on a Friday when he is at home (he will also be home on Monday).    xx
Thank you Sadlynda - I hope that you are OK today - I really must get these hormones sorted out - that's something to speak to the consultant about next week if there is time.  A  to you too xx
  to you all xx