Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Chocolatechaos]

Yes, yes and yes!! My confidence is so low it makes me feel like such a failure. Mine is mainly linked to work and this makes my anxiety worse or is the anxiety causing the low confidence? I really wish I could get back to being reasonably confident as I know what to do and how to do my job but I have no confidence in myself and own robustness. I accept my perimenopause symptoms and status but the confidence/self esteem issue is rubbish. Any idea where I can get some confidence??

[CLKD]

Whereas I don't take any flak no more!  I mean what I say, if I say 'no' to something I don't want anyone checking; i.e. 'you sure you don't want a cuppa/cake/bath/f..t ………'    'watch my lips'! 

A psychologist once asked me "What makes you think you are so important that everyone is watching *you*?"  I was quite hurt but she was probably 'right'.  I have stood in a supermarket and people watched and really, not many were looking my way, most were busy with kids/pushchairs/OAPs/wheelchairs 

Many of you are dealing with many situations some of which we haven't been trained for.  Give yourselves some slack 

[getting_old]

I haven't worked for a few years and seem to have lost a bit of confidence as a result. These days I find I'm less adventurous, but I don't think it's all because of the menopause, but things which have happened along the way - I've dealt with them but I'm worried they may happen again! That said I do try to force myself to do things that scare me because I'm a stubborn so-and-so and don't want to give in.

[CLKD]

Write down a list each evening and tick off chores etc. the next day.  You will then see what you *do* achieve!  In the margin of each chore put down how your anxiety levels are ……… and now that relates to lack of confidence.

[Ju Ju]

Dulciana! You are one of my and help to keep me going with my singing! You are an inspiration!

Some of the most talented singers, musicians, actors, etc have extreme nerves before a performance. It's an awareness of what can go wrong before they go into the zone. Doing anything, however, able and talented you may be is difficult if you are being judged or observed.

It is possible to be over confident, which is the equivalent to being delusional and unaware of what it takes.

Confidence or lack of when being around others? Remember, rarely does anyone judge you more harshly than you judge yourself. Usually, they are too busy thinking about what others are thinking of them. What if they do judge you and find you wanting? Who cares, that's their problem and none of your business anyway!

[CLKD]

I didn't have problems once I stepped onto the stage, from an early age ……… unless a parent was in the audience  (usually Mother)

[JUST ME]

Hello ! Have complete sympathy and experience huge self doubt - worst thing is trying to hang onto a career when blubbing in the office over a tiny error,,, agree with taking steps to push your personal boundaries, because the more you do the better.. also folks really aren' t that aware of you , so its ok to go for it, fail, get up and go for it again... CBT is great for this sort of thing but aware hormones do their best to drag us into a pit of uselessness.  Work should be aware of diversity and all that so might be a forum there to discuss it.   Also focusing on the task and its purpose I find helps me to stop thinking about what people must think of me. Sometimes trying to be like a swan helps.. making out you are ok , smile, look them in the eye, and somehow it can work to convince yourself it is ok...

[CLKD]

Oh I'm a duck - calm on top, pedalling like hell underneath 

Anxiety is background this morning - off to the hairdressers later 

[Dulciana]

Dulciana! You are one of my and help to keep me going with my singing! You are an inspiration!

    Ju Ju.  That is so kind!   How is your singing going at the moment?  Have you got any more concerts coming up, or are you doing any more grades?   

What prompted me to start this thread in the first place was a lesson I had, at the beginning of the week.  It wasn't all that bad, but it just left me with my tail a bit between my legs.  I realised that there is a lot of work to do on this piece (a concerto) to get it ready.  Dahliagirl was right, though - it's all about pushing your own boundaries and once I became aware this is what I was doing, I felt much more positive about it all.  I'm really looking forward to it, anyway.

[Ju Ju]

The more you progress, the more you realise what you don't know. They do say ignorance is bliss, but in this case not fulfilling. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! . Don't get overwhelmed by the bigger picture.

I'm working towards Grade 4. Exam in November. My song choices are Wayfaring Stranger ( Joan Byaz and Ed Sheeran  have done versions...spellings ?), Secret Love from Calamity Jane (Doris Day), The Clare Benediction ( John Rutter) and Oh Shenandoah ( unaccompanied). I know all the words, have good pitch, but struggle with timing. Im working slowly with music theory, but hard as I don't play a musical instrument.

[Dulciana]

I love the Clare Benediction, Ju Ju.   Good luck with Grade 4!   With theory, it does help if you play something like the piano, but plenty of singers have managed it, without playing an instrument.  I'm sure you'll be fine.   

"Don't get overwhelmed by the bigger picture." - That's so true.   I shall bear this in mind and it'll keep me steady!

[Briony]

Yes I lack in confidence these days and I'm also very over sensitive to the smallest of things which then get magnified in my head.

It's got far worse, especially the over sensitive thing and I've been very aware recently of things really bothering me that previously I just brushed off. I'm inclined to retreat into myself and become very very quiet.
Honeyb
X

Oh HB, I could have written this. I so know what you mean. It's really out of character for me to  'go quiet' , but on recent occasions, I've retreated into myself and avoided contact with others, just when I probably needed the company of others most. At night, my OH just closes his eyes and sleeps, whereas sometimes I lie in bed thinking back an incident or conversation as if watching it in slow motion. I'll be so emotional about what's happened - either guilty, worried, embarrassed or even angry ('why didn't I do/say ...? '-  I envy those people who can just 'move on' as I waste so much time worrying and over thinking things which, in the big picture, really don't matter!        x

[Dulciana]

Briony, I do that too - go over and over things in my mind, thinking about what I could have said/done but didn't.   Usually in the wee, small hours when there's nothing to distract me.   Then I have another confidence blip, that stops me getting back to sleep!  That's when I reach for the Rescue Remedy Night.............

[Briony]

Briony, I do that too - go over and over things in my mind, thinking about what I could have said/done but didn't.   Usually in the wee, small hours when there's nothing to distract me.   Then I have another confidence blip, that stops me getting back to sleep!  That's when I reach for the Rescue Remedy Night.............

Yep, Rescue Remedy and turning the radio on usually does it for me. Failing that, I try and get the cat to come and give me a cuddle without OH waking up and moaning! 

[CLKD]

I had Radio2 on the bed-side for years - helped when I couldn't sleep …..

However: how certain are U that people do move on?  How much confidence do you have that they don't ruminate in the early hours?  My guilt goes back to the 1970s  and comes back to haunt me in the early hours but I have learnt that yesterday's news, today's chip paper 

It's sudden anxiety that rocks me totally - without the background worry of it attacking me I could take on The World!