Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Dulciana]

Hi ladies,

I'm just wondering if anyone else finds their confidence is easily knocked at this time of life and what you do to get it back again.  My confidence is a bit like a yo-yo at the moment.   It's just that after a confidence knock, I get a huge dose of self-doubt.   Very often, I'm the only one to have given me "null points" in the first place, but it's all to do with how I feel I've done and the feeling that others must be shaking their heads about me behind my back.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I'm not on HRT, although I do resort to things like lavender oil sometimes.

[dahliagirl]

I have found that if you try and stay within your comfort zone, the boundaries get tighter and this means that you lose confidence in doing things you were happy with.

It is best if you can do a little something that will push these boundaries out a bit, at regular intervals.

The other thing is regular sleep/rest, healthy meals and exercise activity (increases endorphins and this helps with your confidence).

I find the least bit thing sets off my adrenaline these days.  It is very annoying, but the above helps.  I am going to start a new yoga class in September as this helps with my focus and concentration too, which is all over the place.

[Dulciana]

....is it the same for you or have you only noticed it recently?  I do think it's got worse though since my hormones have been all over the place.  S x

It's definitely got worse recently, Sparkle, although I've always been a bit like that.  Other people are noticing me being more nervy these days.  It's a pain, isn't it?   

[Dulciana]

It is best if you can do a little something that will push these boundaries out a bit, at regular intervals.
The other thing is regular sleep/rest, healthy meals and exercise activity (increases endorphins and this helps with your confidence).

Dahliagirl, thank you.  This is just the "shove" I needed.   At the moment, I am, in fact, pushing the boundaries out - in December, I have the biggest and most exciting challenge I have ever faced - and that's what's causing me these wobbles, but you've reminded me that I'm doing the right thing and that I must carry on upwards.   I'm about to start regular exercise classes, too, and we try to eat as healthily as we can, so I think I'm getting some things right.   

[dahliagirl]

I like dancing and I know the only problem I have with it is confidence.

It is not that I am scared of doing it, or of other people seeing me.

I just have to know exactly what I am doing, get my body to know exactly what it is going to do then do it. 

I can do that but there is another stage where know you know all this and it no longer matters, and you can actually 'dance' the steps.  This eludes me.  I keep getting little glimpses of where it can go, and it is so frustrating.  If I try it over and over again, it can get better, then I get tired.

My dance teachers keep retiring (is it me?  ) so I am starting with some new classes in September, but I am still desperate to get there.  The rest of my life is like this too and the menopause business has really not helped.  I will keep on with the dancing though.  It is heaven when a few things come together.

[Dulciana]

Yes it certainly is!  I think 'nervy' is a very apt description. I've always been very self-conscious and that's definitely been worse through peri - I can't stand the feeling of being watched as that's when everything goes to pot.  I then start to over-compensate by talking, or rather babbling and then worry about what rubbish I'm coming out with!  It's all so wearing.
S x

Me too, Sparkle!  If I'm being watched and I know whoever's watching me is in a position to comment, things can go to pot and like you, I start to babble.   If people are not in a position to comment, I'm less nervy.   

[dahliagirl]

   Yes - do keep carrying on.

Sometimes the small steps do not seem to get anywhere, but when you look back, they do.

[Dulciana]

I like dancing and I know the only problem I have with it is confidence.

It is not that I am scared of doing it, or of other people seeing me.

I just have to know exactly what I am doing, get my body to know exactly what it is going to do then do it. 

I can do that but there is another stage where know you know all this and it no longer matters, and you can actually 'dance' the steps.  This eludes me.  I keep getting little glimpses of where it can go, and it is so frustrating.  If I try it over and over again, it can get better, then I get tired.

My dance teachers keep retiring (is it me?  ) so I am starting with some new classes in September, but I am still desperate to get there.  The rest of my life is like this too and the menopause business has really not helped.  I will keep on with the dancing though.  It is heaven when a few things come together.

Dahliagirl, this is so familiar!  With me, it's music.  I've got a big performance coming up in December.    I hope your dancing goes from strength to strength and wish you all the very best for your new classes.     

[honeybun]

Yes I lack in confidence these days and I'm also very over sensitive to the smallest of things which then get magnified in my head.

It's got far worse, especially the over sensitive thing and I've been very aware recently of things really bothering me that previously I just brushed off. I'm inclined to retreat into myself and become very very quiet.

Meno and hormones again I think.


Honeyb
X

[Dulciana]

Gosh, yes HB, over-sensitivity too.   With me, it's as if I'm expecting to make a bad impression and then I flinch at the slightest thing that could suggest that (which it doesn't, of course, usually!) and then my confidence plummets.

What do you get if you mix all these meno-related things together?  Menostrone!   

[bunnylove]

Oh my goodness, this is the thorn in my side lately - my confidence!  And it's odd for me because all my life (until now) that was my strong suit.  I was never lacking in it.  Now I avoid people I know when I go out because of how I feel that I look, avoid confrontations with family because I'm never sure that I'm right anymore, etc., etc., etc.  So scared I'll never be myself again!

[SadLynda]

One of you has just hit the nail on the head.  The reason I 'missed' what all my symptoms are is due to giving up smoking 3 years ago at the age of 46, my first problem was insomnia and then everything followed - confidence is a distant memory, maybe it was the cigarettes that helped me? who knows, but join that with the panic attacks and major paranoia and thats me too

[Kathleen]

Hello Dulciana.

Any self confidence I had seems to have atrophied along with my ovaries, maybe that's where is was all along, who knew?!

I suppose we just have to do the right things and carry on or as Churchill once said 'When going through hell, keep going'.

Best wishes ladies and take care.

K.

[honeybun]

Another thing I have been told that really annoys me is

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Well I must be pretty bloody strong by now...or dead and I haven't noticed 

I was always the bouncy one...the one that had something to say....heck how things have changed over the past few years. I'm the mouse now who doesn't say a word usually....even with my hubby as I can't cope with arguments....not a great way to be.

Honeyb
X

[Dulciana]

That's brilliant Dulciana - menostrone - just about sums it all up.  That should be added to the medical dictionary!
S x 

 
Dulciana