You so have my sympathy but the thing is, if you read around the posts on this board, you'll realise that things have changed and you can't get your old self back however much you wish for it. Acceptance takes time - I know I'm still very much working on that for myself.
The HRT isn't a magical fix and takes at least 3 months for the body to adjust to. It's best to have a range of different options to help you mentally. For eg, I meditate, do yoga, exercise, watch my diet, have completely cut out caffeine, take beta blockers, see a therapist, do relaxation exercises ... and I'm still struggling (altho' I had a breakdown in March too).
It's great that you are getting married next year and are so much better than you were but try not to focus solely on the HRT as a solution or wonder when you are going to get better and be your old self - try to focus on how you are in this moment and what you can do in this moment to soothe your nervous system and feel a bit better in yourself ... baby steps.
BTW the anxiety is probably hormonal - there's a physiological reason why you're experiencing it which may bear no relation to how you yourself psychologically are feeling - so keep reminding yourself that you are not your physiology. But when you experience anxiety, focus on steps you can do to soothe your physiology so that your nervous system calms down again.
Hugs xxx
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Topic: dont understand this anxiety (Read 2862 times)