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[SueRoe]

I'd be interested to know what others think about this. If I go to a hotel or a campsite or even when I'm at home I make every effort not to disturb other people. I don't let hotel room doors slam shut; I don't flush the loo in the middle of the night; I don't let doors and gates bang shut at home; I close the car door quietly if I'm home late or up early; I keep my voice down around the house (I live in a semi) and garden; etc etc. I assume that it's only fair to do so and that other people will notice and offer the same consideration in return...but so often they don't. Maybe they think that because they can't hear me the walls must be thick and it's OK to bang around and yell from one room to another, or maybe they just go about their daily lives without much thought for anyone else. Do you think it's better to stop being so considerate and make some more noise so that they realise how much comes through the walls of the house/hotel room/tent? I was brought up to be considerate and  it's difficult to change.

[CLKD]

I have this thought every week - I put our bins out but if I can't or forget them, my neighbours would never think about it.  I used to ring if they appeared to have forgotten but next time? and they never pull our bins to the gate unless asked.

Noise - we have it all around  .  A neighbour switches on his large motorcycle then sits on it - don't know if he's showing off that he can afford such a large motorcycle or if he thinks sitting there helps the engine.  However, it's noisy.  Lawn mowers should be banned apart from 1 evening a week and if it rains 

I think that generally Life is noisier?  More traffic, more toys for kids to play with/argue over, people don't walk far but drive therefore it's engine  noise in the background 24/7: someone drove up and back down the Estate at 2.30 a.m. 

You and I know we are considerate  …….. I will continue to be so.  People wouldn't notice if I stopped anyway!

[Joyce]

Most of my neighbours are fairly considerate. Son has lived next to noisy neighbours. His new neighbours are lovely. Daughter lives next to noisy neighbours. 

In hotels we do our best to close doors quietly & talk quietly in corridors.

[SueRoe]

CLKD - why wouldn't people notice if you stopped being considerate? Why do you carry on being thoughtful if no-one notices? Is it your upbringing or in your nature to be this way? Like you, I would find it hard to start being thoughtless. I think it's to do with respect for who we are and for those around us who do appreciate a little consideration. Maybe we think they don't notice or care about whether we're quiet because they keep a low profile themselves...

[honeybun]

Having lived in two flats I have discovered other people don't give a toss in general. In our last flat eventually we went like for like ...but not until we had sold it  . Our downstairs neighbours liked to party and play music very loud until the wee small hours. Well my son had installed a massive sound system which I had previously insisted he listened to through earphones. We the two months before we left they would be treated to a strict half hour of ear bleeding noise. The satisfaction I felt was wonderful....bad I know but perhaps the people who bought our flat might have been treated with more consideration.

As for cutting grass one evening a week....really  . What happens if you work shifts. As long as it's not really early or really late.

We live in a semi, our neighbours are quiet as are we so no problems. As for cars starting early....well people have to go to work.


Honeyb
X

[babyjane]

My husband and I were only talking about this today after having been involved in an unpleasant confrontation with our neighbour this week.

We are of the generation that was still taught to consider other people and to 'do as you would be done by'.  Nowadays it is every man for himself, a 'me' generation with much less social conscience.

I know there are exceptions but on the whole people don't look out for others as much.

[Limpy]

Freda - I wish I stayed in the same hotels you stay in.
It would be lovely to be next to somebody who didn't slam doors or drawers shut.
Or, yell to their companions at the top of their voices.

[CLKD]

Freda - I will remain kind.  I believe that dropping that pebble into the puddle helps kindness spread ……. people are too busy to notice about others I think, if I ever bring in bins for neighbours they don't even say 'thank you' 

Neighbours had an old car and apparently needed to bang the doors to shut them  - 4 travelled to work in that car so 4 doors were shut, all at different moments  ……..

[SueRoe]

I sometimes think that given a lottery win I'd buy an island or a large country estate and only allow people to live there if they were happy to accept that you could only whisper outdoors between 11pm and 9am! Plus no parties after midnight, no barking dogs, no power tools for more than an hour at a stretch, and no playing your music loudly with your windows open. I suspect most people would think this was draconian and hellish but it's my idea of bliss! Anyone want to join me?!

[CLKD]

Me, Me, Me  ………..

[babyjane]

I'll come 

[honeybun]

Oh me too. I wanted to live in a field at one point as my neighbours were so bad.

I won't even let the dog bark in the garden for more than a minute. Fortunately this time I seem to be surrounded by like minded people. Our street is very quiet which is lovely.

I don't think a lot of people think that manners are important.....well I do and I drummed them into my kids along with my famous saying in my house


If you can't think of something nice to say....say nothing at all. 


Works for me.


Honeyb
X

[babyjane]

But that doesn't mean you can't be true to your own thoughts and opinions.  I was brought up a 'yes' person, a people pleaser,  my opinions had to mirror my parents opinions so I was never encouraged to think for myself.  If my opinions ever differ from others I feel as though I am in the wrong even when I am not.  I am learning that I am not in the wrong and have the right to stand by my own opinions without having to justify them.  It is how I communicate those feelings to others that matters though.

I am learning how to be kind but still stay true to myself.  If the other person takes offence then it is their problem and not my responsibility how they choose to react.

Honeybee, I also don't let my dog bark for too long but others round here let theirs go on and on...............

[honeybun]

Oh , I will stand up for myself. I've got a lot better at it, the more you practice the easier it gets.

I will be considerate but I will not allow others to take advantage anymore. It's meant that my mother and sister in particular find me difficult to deal with. I think they preferred the old me and not the new me that has grown a back bone.

Honeyb
X

[Ju Ju]

Freda, you can move in next door to me! Or even camp in the field behind, if you don't mind cows! They are friendly!